My fiance and I come from different cultures. She is Korean, whose weddings consist of a ceremony in the morning followed by lunch for those in attendance immediately afterwards. I, on the other hand, am Chinese Canadian and more accustomed to weddings where there is a break after the ceremony--during which the bridal couple goes for a photoshoot and guests can freshen up--before a dinner banquet at a restaurant in the evening.
Since she and I each attended a different large church before we met, it is not within our budget to rent either of our home churches for our ceremony. Instead, we're considering renting her mom's church, but her mom insists upon the tradition of having her pastor (whom we don't know) officiate, and inviting the entire congregation (whom we also don't know) to our wedding. Even if we got her to acquiesce about having our own officiant, and we limited her to inviting just a few guests, the church would still undoubtedly announce the wedding of a prominent member's daughter in their bulletin or otherwise spread it by word of mouth, and members of her church will still show up to give us their blessings... which may feel like a slight to our own respective church families who want to celebrate with us but whom we are unable to invite to the ceremony. If we did invite people from our churches to the ceremony though, it would be rude not to invite them to the reception as well, which is out of our budget.
I should also mention that while my extended family lives in the vicinity, my fiance's extended family will have to fly in from abroad to be in attendance. Oh... and apparently, Koreans and Chinese have a preference for their own wedding fare and view the other with disdain: Chinese food is greasy, salty, and MSG-laden; Korean food looks like it came out of a food court. The urge to elope is getting stronger...
In the interest of mitigating some of the fallout that is forming as a result of the cultural dichotomies... would it be a bad idea to publicly announce our wedding ceremony's details on social media as an open invitation to anyone who wants to attend that, while formally inviting only family and close friends to the reception? This way, my fiance's and my church friends can still attend the ceremony if they wish to, alongside those dropping in from her mom's church. In lieu of a reception for those who are only attending our wedding ceremony, we intend to set out "punch and cake" in the church's fellowship hall, with an assortment of appetizers, tapas, and high-tea goodies, as well as food from Korean and Chinese cultures. The Chinese banquet dinner we're having at a restaurant that evening will be limited to family, close friends, and helpers though. And maybe we'll take her extended family out for Korean food the night before in appreciation of their making the trip to celebrate with us, and so they don't feel slighted by "yucky" Chinese food at our reception the following evening.
