Is it rude to not invite sister’s boyfriend?

It’s not okay to be pushed into inviting someone you don’t want at your wedding, but you do have to understand that the consequence of not inviting him may be your sister not attending and possibly ruining whatever mending you’ve done to your relationship with her.

I'll agree with all the other comments. I don't think you're obligated to invite him, but you have to accept that your sister may drop out and not come as a result. Based on your description of the situation, it doesn't sound like there's a way to do it without it blowing up. I'd start mentally preparing yourself now for the fallout. I totally agree that if it's going to cause many people to not show up, then I wouldn't invite him either. But, I'd also be doing it knowing I may cause significant strain with my sister and that she may not come or be my MOH anymore. It's a lose/lose. Sorry you're having to deal with this and I'm wishing the best possible outcome.

If he’s disruptive, will start fights, etc then I wouldn’t invite him.
If he knows how to act in public and behave himself, I would invite him.
We have lots couples where we like one of them and don’t like the other, but will invite both. One of them will have to babysit his wife with the drinking, but he’s been doing that for 20 years and knows how.

It's not okay to push you on this, especially given you talked to her ahead of time.

I think trying to talk to your sister and find out if she's okay would be the next step I would take.

Overall, your sister is an adult, if she chooses not to come that's her decision and unfortunately nothing you can control. It sucks that you're being put into this situation, but if she asks again just tell her no, and that you have nothing further to add. You hope she can still make it, but you will not have him there. Then ask if she's doing okay, and if there's anything you can do to help her out.

Under normal circumstances, it is rude to not invite the boyfriend. However when abuse exists or is suspected, it is more than ok to not invite him. Also, before the wedding, like immediately, you need to help get her out of that environment for her own safety. Contrary to popular belief, abuse is not a switch that someone can decide to turn off one one day and never go back in that room again because it will always happen, if not to the current victim, then one in the future.

I wouldn't tolerate an abusive person at my wedding


That being said, if he doesn't get to come, he may get abusive. But he might get abusive either way. An abuser is going to be abusive because he wants to. I am not sure that giving into his perceived wants is the best way to handle this.
I think the priority needs to be supporting your sister so she has the means to leave this guy for good. You should consult with a domestic violence counselor. This is an issue that goes beyond etiquette or the regular wedding drama.

I’m probably in the minority here, and I get wedding etiquette and all, but with reading everything and your updates I think it’s fine to not invite him. Will your sister not come? Possibly, but it’s your wedding and you shouldn’t be uncomfortable with anything or anyone there.


I’m in a similar situation. I will not allow my father to bring his soon to be wife because of several reasons (no need for me to list them all, but it was a horrible situation to be in), and I’m just beginning to rebuild my relationship with him. I haven’t told him yet due to my wedding still being pretty far out, but both myself and my fiancé are dead set on this. I’m expecting him to not go given this information, which would be a shame, but I can’t control that.
So I support you. You need to be comfortable and enjoy your day with the people who love and support you.