is it tacky to have a civil court wedding before the actual wedding?

Good Evening everyone. Lots of opinions on this one. What I need to bring to everyone's attention is that once you go to the Court House and get married, you are LEGALLY siging a marriage certificate that is now an official document. If you get married a year in advance and have a "VOW RENEWAL" Ceremony that is fine too, but that is what it needs to be called officially. When a B&G are at the altar and they say their vows they are then to meet with the officiant after the ceremony and have their paperwork signed with their signature to say the conducted the ceremony. You will NOT be able to file 2 sets of papers for the same marriage. Now I do recommend that you check with your state law about this because the officiant could be looking to sign an official marriage license after the ceremony.

Hi Vanessa...

Because of insurance issues Larry and I obtained our marriage lisence on Sept 2009 and my friend who is a notary made it legal for us. There was no vowls exchanged then because we are having a ceremony this coming Sept. I say do what is right for you and your fiance. There are lots of benefits once you are married, go for it and be happy. In the end it's your husband who will be your life long partner not your friends or family. Best wishes-- Ana

I deffinately do not think it's tacky and not just because I'm doing it either lol FH is moving here form the UK so we will be getting married with just our parents and a minister and a year later having our wedding in the DR. We are not exchanginr rings at the first ceremony (we wanted to save that for later) All of our friends and family know and are really looking forward to what everyone now refers to as "the Big Wedding" in the DR. For us this was an awesome option because we want to be together NOW and we did NOT want to have a wedding in the US. At the end of the day do what works best for you and FH! However, I would consider at least telling the parents....good luck!

It's not tacky at all.

My fiance is moving here from another country, so we are taking care of the "official" paperwork here in the states, but we won't be exchanging rings or saying vows. We will then have a second ceremony with family and friends abroad.

As one poster mentioned, this second ceremony cannot legally be called a "Wedding", but must be referred to as a "Vow Renewal". So in the eyes of the government we will be having a "Vow Renewal Ceremony" and to all our friends and family, we will be having a "Wedding" (and we are all referring to it as "The Wedding").

We are not hiding, nor are we volunteering the information. Immediate family and friends know, and anyone who asks will be told the truth.

By calling it a wedding and not a vow renewal, I would think that you are hiding it.

If I were invited to a "wedding", I would never think to ask "hey. Are you already married?".

T.F., we are not hiding it, we just are not publishing it. You are right that under normal circumstances you wouldn't think to ask "are you already married", but since both of our families and friends all know that we are going through the process of obtaining a visa for him, you'd be surprised how many people ask.

No, they don't say "are you already married", they usually say "so how does this whole thing work". Then we explain that we are taking care of the paperwork first, here in the states, and that we are having the wedding abroad, and technically we will already be married the day of the wedding.

We chose this approach, not to trick people or hide it from them, but more to spare them the details and the formality of immigration law.

I think that its a great idea.. not sure if anyone mentioned it before though since I didnt really read the posts (sorry) but you wont see those tax $$s until the 2011-12 school year because they are based off of your fasfa which is based off of your previous years taxes... I am going through the same thing

Me and FH were just talking about this same exact thing. We are probably going to do it for other reasons. But as far as how your family will feel...I say keep it a secret. That way you won't spoil it for them. Just a suggestion.

Hi Vanessa- do whatever you have to do. Consider how your family would feel, though and decide what's best for you. We have to have to go to the JP before our actual wedding. The resort we're getting married at didn't have a judge available for when we wanted. They said this situation is common since Punta Cana only has 1 judge for all the weddings! My brother and his wife had to get "married" a month early since he's in the Air Force and they wanted to get a house on base right away, which required a month long wait list. So my brother's advice to me was just to go the JP, and not go out to lunch/dinner or anything that would be recognizing the event so it doesn't feel "real."

In the last 2 years, I've had two friends do this: the first, got married for citizenship purposes (her hubby was British) and had a wedding on their 1 yr anniversary. It wasn't weird because everyone knew that it was the religious and celebratory event we all wanted. And the second had a civil marriage before her guy went to sea. She had the wedding just a few months ago, but hers WAS weird cuz she kept MAKING it weird by insisting no one call her husband her husband until after this second event. Come to think of it, another one of our friends did the civil thing before the "wedding" for military reasons too - only hers was not weird, just because it was out in the open. So I guess the lesson I learned was that as long as you are open about it, no one will criticize or think it is tacky.

I dont think theres anything wrong with it. If you guys want to do it and are worried about family then keep it to your selves. I have a few freinds that did it. One while in the military and then they had a ceremony state side. Another friend while in college and then got married again in a ceremony. You still get to celebrate your anniversary, but two times

We are considering something similar, though no vows or rings to be exchanged, so I disagree with the posts about the big wedding later being a vow renewal when vows were not exchanged previously. Plus, it is not true that you can't remarry. In New York State, if you don't elect to take your spouse's name on the marriage license application, you must remarry to make the name change at a later date. I guess some choose to make the latter the civil ceremony, but we will do it the reverse. So our plan is to go to the jp, no rings, vows or family and marry again with rings, vows, family and the name change. At first I was on the fence about this, but we are both citizens of different countries, and neither one of us can legally work in each other's country without a work permits, immigration attorneys are working on this, the fees are crazy, we can't stand to be a part and being married will solve everything. I don't plan to tell anyone except my mother

@ RM I can TOTALLY relate!!!! FH is immigrating from the UK. You make a freat point about the marriage license and name change. I have to check out the details for MD!

Everyone keeps saying that you can't call it a "wedding ceremony" because you're already "legally married", last time I checked you sign the license AFTER the ceremony by the officiant and the witnesses in private and the legal aspect of it isn't even part of the actual ceremony! So why can't you call it a Wedding? I see no reason why you can't since the "Legal" aspect of it isn't even in the actual wedding! As far as the name change thing that is untrue, you DO NOT need a new license w/ the changed name.

My hubby and I did the JOP so I could get on his health plan, he's military, Our license didn't require me to put a new last name I only needed and official copy with a seal to bring to the social security office and dmv if I wanted to change my last name to his. We are having a WEDDING in January and will be celebrating that as our anniversary. Do what makes you two happy and if you want to call it a wedding by golly do it! Good luck to you both!

My husband and I got civilly married by a JOP back in 2010. I was pregnant and we had known each other 9 months. My husbands family hardly knew me as well as my family hardly knowing him. I invited my mother who wound up not going and my father disapproved because of the timing. My husbands family didn't even know because he didn't tell them out of fear and he lied to me because I thought they knew. So the civil marriage happened in front of two friends. Now it's 5 years later and both families have gotten to bond with us and appreciate us in each others lives. I sat down with my mother in law and asked her of her opinion. She stated it would be nice to throw a wedding on our 5th year of marriage. I asked my sister in law and she said every girl deserves to walk down an isle and wear a white dress. My mother is excited and my father is accepting. Our family and friends know that we are legally married. I am very excited to finally exchange vows. I believe things happen for a reason. Now a days people stray away from etiquette because it's not about the rule book. It's about a moment. This wedding will mean more to all of our families than had we thrown it back on our first year. My cousin is getting married this year the "right way" but guess what? She isn't allowing plus ones to her bridal party which is causing a whole mess in itself. So point is, do what you want. A wedding to me is when you exchange vows in front of your family and friends and celebrate the union of your marriage. A marriage is legally binding. My brother got legally married last year, weeks before their wedding. No one saw an issue with that. As my cousin says "It's my wedding and I will celebrate it how I want." As I say "It's like school graduations. You may have already received your diploma but your commencement day is a few months or a year later". My best friend was civilly married and had a reception. She still wants to have a wedding in the church years from now.

We were married in a civil ceremony in February. We were dating 6 years (not living together) and engaged for 2. (We’re older and were waiting for some of our kids to leave home for college). We waited for my husband’s annulment and finally received it last month. Being married in the church is important to us so we will have a vow renewal (but it’s actually a wedding in the eyes of the church) on our 1yr anniversary. All our friends and family know and are happy for us. We won’t be having a big celebration, probably a small gathering at our home, but anyone who’d like to go can attend. As an older bride who’s been married before, I can tell you — none of it matters. What matters is what feels right and is important to you and your FH. Best wishes!