Issue with my Momzilla!!

Wow, I think you have every right to feel upset.

I do think that a spotlight dance/first dance is a little ridiculous and far reaching. If that's the type of wedding your mom wants to host, she should have a vow renewal for herself and for your dad. I do believe our DJ offered a special request type of dance (I forget what he called it), where we could invite the parents and grandparents up to the dance floor for a special dance, but we opted not to do it.

If I were you, I would take a step back and think about allowing them to contribute financially to your wedding. If they're not assisting financially, they don't have a say and will save you a lot of grief and sanity in the end.

Geez, and I thought MY post earlier about my Momzilla was bad... this takes the cake for sure!

There are so many things wrong with this... namely the guilt she is causing you by holding what I presume was an offer to pay for your wedding over your head. You shouldn't feel indebted to your own parents for accepting their help. Shame on her for even bringing that part up, jokingly or not.

Additionally, you're right - a "parent" dance, specifically, a spotlight dance for your parents only is unheard of. Yes, as PP mentioned, some DJs do play a song and invite ALL of the parents and grandparents up, but that is entirely different from what your mom is suggesting.

I am so sorry this is happening to you, but hold your head up, and stand your ground with your mom!

I don't think your being selfish at all. I think that your idea of a years of marriage dance is a perfect solution. Ultimately it's your day and I would just be honest with them and express your feelings. Sorry that your having these issues as wedding planning can be stressful enough.

No, you are not wrong and no, you are not being selfish. I think that request is ridiculous. I have never heard of the brides parents having their own dance. I have seen both sets of parents be invited to the dance floor AFTER the newly married couples first dance, for a "parents" dance. If you are ok with that, I think that is a good compromise.

Try to have a heart to heart with your mom. Let her know that her demands are putting stress on you that is not necessary. Put it in perspective - if you were planning and paying for an anniversary party for them, would she not think it was odd if you wanted to have a dance with your FH alone?

Sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you can figure out something that works for both of you.

Mary, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this added stress. I don't think you're being selfish at all. I would definitely talk to your mom about the dance again and explain that it's not a common thing at all, but that the anniversary dance is, which I think is an awesome idea! I hope that she can meet you in the middle and that the rest of your wedding planning goes well! If you ever need to rant, we are here for you!

I'd just say to yourself, is this a hill to die on? It's one dance, no one is going to think they're the bride and groom. Honestly, I'd just let it go and let her do it. It's unfair she's holding the fact they're paying over your head, but the fact is, they're still paying...

View Quoted Comment

Thank you so much for your advice!

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for your advice! I will definitely talk with my DJ and see if he has any ideas on what is the best way to go!

Well .... it's a good thing I am not you... I would have lost it. I know what you were trying to say by an anniversary dance which I think is a great compromise. Your mom sounds like a real piece of work and honestly one of the rudest mom's i've seen on here. It is not her wedding and it is not about her. I hate parents that also hold the money over everyone's heads. Firmly tell her so sad too bad but it's not HER wedding.If she continues I would refuse her money. Her behavior is embarrassing and I'm really sorry she is ruining what is supposed to be a happy time. Good luck!

My mom brought this up too, we get married this Saturday, but a month or so ago she said her and my dad were looking into dance lessons - meaning she told him he must attend lol.

I had the same reaction as you, surprisingly she did back off. Put your foot down and say no. Keep offering the compromise since she is paying. If she doesn't like it, tough, but that also means you will need to figure out how to pay for all of this.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you!

I personally think this is highly inappropriate of her to ask- it’s your wedding day. She’s giving money yes- but she’s the host then. Not the couple being celebrated!!

If you can can afford it I would think about maybe going without her assistance if this continues to be an issue!

View Quoted Comment

Thank you so much for taking the time and giving advice!

View Quoted Comment

My mother is very strong willed and like for opinion to be made unfortunately. But thank you for the advice!!

View Quoted Comment

Speaking of the Dj, lock him or her right on up and tell them if the request comes from her (email or in person on the dance floor), they are to ignore. What ever your parents wedding song is or her fave song? Blacklist that song on your do not play list.

View Quoted Comment

I am kind of glad I am not the only one! But my and my fiance have talked and if it goes south we have other ways, but he thankfully agrees with me that what she is asking for is a little ridiculous. But good luck to you this weekend and I hope you have an amazing day!

View Quoted Comment

Good idea!!

View Quoted Comment

Thank you for your advice!!

I think your compromise is wonderful !!!!
Now I totally understand why your upset.. ( especially considering you feel like you're being pushed to the side).. my Future mother in law is the same way.. it's just her personality so I try my best to guide her "take change nature" to go with the things I desire.
I think you could tell her that it be weird to leave out your FH parents also having a dance.. I'm sure they would find it odd that the bride's parents get a dance, but the groom's parents don't. ( Say something along those lines, which your compromise did ) ....

I think the reason why this is so hard is because you don't want to put an even bigger strain on your relationship with your mom..( totally understandable) Plus it could also mean a financial burden on your part... Which can be even more stressful.

But in the end you have to talk about your feelings with your mom. Let her know how she's making you feel and that may help her see something that she wasn't aware of before. ( The excitement of having her daughter get married could be blinding her from seeing that she's drowning your feelings out )

View Quoted Comment Very well said, thank you so much! It is hard trying to plan something for yourself when you are surround by strong willed women that think they know better!