Issues with the guest list

Our venue limits the guests to 100. Our list was broken down into 25 for each set of parents and 50 for us. The guidelines I imposed on those invites were:

1. If We (the couple) haven't spoken to them in more than five years, not invited

2. If one half of the couple has never met them (we've been together ten years), not invited

3. Under 18, not invited

4. If they are known to cause drama, not invited

It's helped tremendously!

THIS 100%

I know your mom probably wants to include all family and everyone she has ever encountered but do yourselves a favor and put some reign on the situation. If you cannot afford or do not want a 200+ wedding then set boundaries now.

I completely understand where you are coming from. We are at about 225 people currently and to me that's a lot. Just the thought of having to walk around and talk to this many people is giving me anxiety already lol. This was us really cutting the list (well mostly FH because he is such a people person), but these are the people that we feel we NEED to invite. Thankfully when I asked my dad what family I should invite he said just his siblings and their kids. So I used the same approach with my mom's side of the family. I have quite an extended family (on both sides) so this helped a ton in keeping the list on the smaller side (for family anyway). There are some family members of FH that his mom felt needed to be invited, and a lot of them I've never met. I tried telling him I'm not fond of the idea of walking up to someone and saying, "Thanks for coming to the wedding. Oh, and it's nice to meet you...I'm Ashley," but I understand his perspective on wanting to invite these family members. A lot of them he just put his foot down with her and told her we are not inviting them. We also are having an adults only event. Some of our friends have 4+ kids, and we aren't really kid people, so that was an easy way for us to cut numbers.

Have you chosen a venue yet? If not, maybe try looking for one that has a smaller guest limit, but that you still love of course, so that you are forced to have a smaller guest list.

I understand that your mom and dad are paying for a large part of the wedding and you feel like she should get to have her list of invites. But at the end of the day, it is your wedding. You should get what you envision, and if that is a smaller event, then that is what you should have. Try talking to her again. If she sees that you don't want to budge on having a smaller wedding hopefully she can get on board with it.

And I agree with you that you can't go by the thought that 1/4 of people invited won't come. We are assuming that every single person we invite is going to show up.

I know this was a long response but I really hope that you can come to a compromise with your mom and that you end up getting the wedding you want, with the people YOU truly want to have there. Good luck!

This is pretty much exactly what I'm thinking lol. We unfortunately have already chosen our venue and put our downpayment and everything like two months ago, so we can't back out now...our venue could hold the amount of people we have on the guest list and more sadly...lol...We too are not huge kid people (we've decided to have cats and dogs for life lol) so I wouldn't mind having adult only, but my aunts and uncles all have kids younger than 18 because my mom is the oldest and had my brother and I pretty young, and I just can't tell my cousins to stay home. Especially because I babysat most of them growing up and I'm pretty close with some of them. Even if, I think we only have like a total of 20 kids, so that's not a huge dealbreaker there. But that is almost exactly how I am too with my mom's side. I don't want my fiance asking me all night who these people are or having to introduce himself, when I might not even know myself. My mom and I actually work together, and I talk to her about it like 2x a week, but I think I'll REALLY try to tell her my input on how I DO NOT want these people there and hope that she really listens later on when she comes in. Wish me luck! lol, and thank you for your response!

I think we can afford it with my parents and his parents chipping in, and I wouldn't mind 200+ IF I KNOW THEM. I don't want these random people coming that I haven't talked to in years and have to explain to my fiance who they all are because that's just not fair in my opinion.

Haha, I could THREATEN, but EVERYONE knows I wouldn't want that. I'm far too close with my mom's side of the family, and they'd know I'd be lying if I said I wanted to just get married with no one there! hahaha. Good suggestion though!