I've been engaged 3 times

Have you guys experienced the same thing in your dating life through the years? Been in love with the idea of marriage, but knew you were with the wrong guy? Did you marry him or call it off?

I stupidly fell for that belief that if you love someone enough, love will conquer all. People need to stop swallowing that concept.

IOW I went through with a marriage that had big warning bells, but I wasn't mature enough and didn't love myself enough to say no. I'm different now.

This is my 3rd wedding planning and second marriage. I was the one doing all the loving in the other relationships and was let down every single time in the end. One of those weddings I called off 2 weeks before the date; lost all the money and didn't care. It's how I knew I was making the right choice for me!

Total opposite. I never even want to get married because I have been surrounded by failed marriages my entire life. My mom is on her 4th marriage, my 30 year old brother just got divorced for the 3rd time, and my 26 year old brother has already been married, divorced and thinking about marriage again. I thought I was doomed if I tried. Once I realized it was about US and not everyone else's relationships, I was ecstatic to get married.

I get what you mean about the red flag issues. At least it reminds me to look into my relationship deeper to see if I am missing anything like that

I've been with FH since high school, so I've never been in any other "real" relationships where this might have happened. I might still be young and stupid but I believe our relationship is strong and we fit together well enough that our only issues are small things.

OMG Alyshadanielle, that's crazy! Especially the 26 and 30 year old-- I just turned 28 and FH and I are on the earlier side of our friend group. I couldn't imagine being on a second or third marriage by now.

Where are you located? I'm in the northeast and I know we tend to get married later, but I don't think I'm old.

We live in Texas. My family has some serious co-dependency issues.

I got married at 20. We had just moved in together, then I joined the Air Force (did not end up working out but that's another story). My recruiter asked if we were planning on getting married, and our dumb asses just kinda shrugged and 6 weeks later we were married. I left probably about 4 times times over the course of our 5-year marriage. I knew he was wrong for me all along, but I never had the guts to stay split up with him. It was exactly the same thing - square peg, round hole. He was an overall nice guy, but certainly not husband material for me.

I still feel guilt over breaking his heart, but it was breaking mine to stay and pretend. I am SO unbelievably happy with my FH. He's everything I was missing and more. Hell even his family is everything I was missing and more.

My only other serious, long-term relationship was with my high school "sweetheart." we grew up together since 1st grade and were always really good friends, until junior year when we finally started dating. it was tumultuous, on again, off again. for about 5 or 6 years. he was my first kiss, i lost my virginity to him. i really loved him. i loved the idea of marrying my high school sweetheart and marrying the only guy i was ever intimate with. ... but luckily i was smarter than that. i kept waiting for him to grow up and see what i saw and want what i wanted. but it never happened. and finally, after all that time, i remember telling him, "if you were to ask me to marry you, i would say no." and that was when i realized it was never going to happen. i finally had to give up and go on with my life.

for a few years after that i dated jerk after jerk. guys that didn't appreciate me and didn't put in the effort that i put in. i remember for a while thinking that maybe it was me that messed things up with my high school bf. maybe i was too hard on him or asking or expecting too much. i kept second guessing myself and wondering if i should go back to him... again.

luckily, i didn't.

i was one of those girls. the RIGHT kind of love finally found me. and now i see girls (or guys, really) in those types of relationships and i wanna slap them into reality. i feel so bad for them. i've been there. and it's not good. and the sucky thing is, is when you're "there" you don't realize you're "there" until you're out of it and in the right kind of relationship. pretty sad. :/

When it comes to "red flags" on here, I take them with a grain of salt. We only hear one side of the story from someone who might be too caught up in their emotions to explain the whole truth. There are some things I could say about my FH that any random outsider who doesn't know me or how we function as a couple on a daily basis could pin as a "red flag", when in reality it's just the dumbest issue that can be easily solved. Some things ARE black and white deal breakers for me (like cheating and drugs), but otherwise I try to not get involved in "relationship rants" on here. Ultimately, what do I know? And if they end up divorced...oh well, not my life.

This is my first engagement but my FH is not the only guy I thought was "the one." Perfect IDK, that description kind of scares me. I unlike alyshadanielle grew up around mostly women who were single their whole life. My mom has never been married, my grandmas havent been married in over 20/30 years, most of my aunts aren't married, or married later in life (late 30s/40s). They had families and raised children w/o a husband. It was my biggest fear. I would ask my dad when I was a child why him and my mom couldn't just be together. Why did I have to go back and forth between the two. And although I know it was for the best now. That is never what I wanted for my future children. Plus my single mother gave me some great advice (she was engaged before and called off the wedding, she now wishes she would have married him) she thought marriage in her youth was all about the "perfect" guy and fairy tale love, and that not it at all. Yes love is a feeling but being in love is a choice. Marriage is hard, I was told you have to get up and evaluate is this worth the hardship am I going to choose to love my wife/husband today. If you say yes, you're half way there (the other part is your partner saying yes everyday).

@KM: very good point.

KayDwitWill, I called off my 2nd engagement 2 weeks before the wedding too! My mom and BFF flew into town to help with wedding stuff. After seeing how unhappy I was, my mom started crying and begged me not to marry him. My BFF saw it too and told me she'd support me if I didn't want to go through with it. I'm so glad I called it off. I know I'd be divorced by now. My mom helped me call everyone and tell them the wedding was off. I still went on the "honeymoon" trip by myself. It was my first trip to St. Thomas.

Yeaah. He was my highschool boyfriend. He wanted to marry me, bad. I just wasn't... In love with him, no where near like he was with me. I ended the relationship because I could not see a future with him. I met my current SO not too long after.. Wasn't really looking, it just happened. We're both military, and I can confidently say he's helped me grow into a woman my dad is proud of. He's also the only boyfriend my dad adores. I don't feel like I'm settling at all.

I was engaged years ago to a guy with many, many red flags. I really thought love would get us through all of our problems. We were both pretty broke, I was struggling in school (mostly to pay for it!), and he was digging himself in a deep hole with prescription drugs and alcohol. He also was manipulative and had a problem taking responsibility for anything. I could go on and on but I'd be typing up a novel!

One day I was driving somewhere with my mom, and out of nowhere blurted out, "I think I should move home." She never much cared for that guy so she was all for it. When I got home that day, I called everything off with him. Best decision I ever made!

My first long term BF. We dated from when I was 20-25. He was cute, nice, caring, loving....all these wonderful qualities. But I couldn't look at him sleeping beside me and think with certainty "yep, my future husband". I kept thinking those feelings would happen.....then I tried to convince myself that love is different, and maybe that's the capacity I had for romantic love. Luckily, we broke up.....and I met H months later. Within a few weeks, I was thinking "oh crap....I could marry this guy". So mine was definitely a square peg in a round hole, but we got out in time

Jenna, I love your response. I wish I could like it a million times. I've kissed a lot of frogs and through that trial and error I realized what qualities are important to me in a man and in a relationship.

Faran, that's the beauty of it. As we get older we learn that "perfect" doesn't mean free of flaws. It means he's the imperfect guy that's perfect for me. Equally yoked. There's a difference.

I was engaged at 20 and we broke it off, definitely was not ready to get married then and he was not the right guy for me, even though he was/is a super nice guy. Now I'm 33, ready to be wed, and with someone who makes me very happy, flaws and all!

FH is my second engagement. I was engaged to someone 15 years ago and I thank God everyday that I never married him! I was devastated when we split but it was a blessing in disguise. He was mentally abusive and I was "so in love with him" that I couldn't see that what he was doing was wrong.

I remember him saying when we broke up "You're never going to find someone who treats you the way I do!" And he was right! FH treats me with nothing but love and respect.

I work with his grandmother. She fills me in on what he's doing. He's on wife #2, has 2 kids and is completely miserable because his wife treats him like shit! Karma caught up with him!

My first engagement but I was in a long term relationship after college (4 years) and he started talking about proposing- even took my ring shopping and I would pick the biggest diamond ring because I didn't want him to be able to afford it. That's when I realized I couldn't be in this relationship anymore since I didn't see a future or was excited about one with him.

For FH- night and day difference- I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Being with him is so easy, our relationship is great and I love him more every day. Granted we have had our bad times but we have gotten through. I am so excited to be with him.