I’ve Given Up on In Laws

I'm really sorry you're going through this! I don't know what good it does to talk badly about you to your FH. I feel like in these situations there's only a few options, you let it go, you confront them or your FH keeps their misdeeds to himself. I certainly would want to know what they were saying about me, but it doesn't do any good. Sometimes we need a break from people we don't understand or respect. Maybe some space will help.

View Quoted Comment That’s where I’m at with not wanting to hear anything she has to say. He defends me to his family but they all think I’m making him do all this work and that I’m pressuring him to take care of the home even though he works overnight. We both work full time opposite shifts. Most days I take care of the cleaning and cooking when I get home from work but yea I would have to be able to know that I’m not the only person in the house taking care of it. I’ve discussed with him how he shouldn’t be running back to her to discuss things because all she does is run to her mom and sister and daughter and tell them everything.

That’s too bad!!! I cannot even imagine my FH’s entire or most of his family acting like that. My FH’s brother talks behind my back, but I suspect my parents in law do not. I say hello to him but when he tries to hug me I pull away and hold out my hand to shake. I no longer attend his patents’ House for Xmas. Kudos to you for being the bigger person and still allowing your child to be around them.

View Quoted Comment I will let her see them because that’s the only time they want to see her is only during holidays. His mother takes his sisters kids almost every weekend. She has cousins she has seen maybe twice since she was born.

I am so extremely sorry. I have been in this situation a couple of times with my FH's family. But honestly it passes and it might take a while but it passes... I feel like, as long as he is with me, knows me and trusts me then that's it.

View Quoted Comment I haven’t talked to the rest of his family since our daughter was born. That’s 2 years ago. I was only keeping communication with his mother and I’ve cut that off at this point.

View Quoted Comment I don't blame you. Everyone's household runs differently. What works for some does not work for all. It's difficult in this situation because if he tells his mom about your household, she is going to form an opinion. It's only natural. Hopefully he can use discretion with what he shares!

View Quoted Comment Goodness... I am so sorry that's horrible.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can relate. My in-laws are the same way. I have met his dad once in 4.5 years. They do not like me because I was previously married and have a 12 year old daughter. Plus I'm 4 years older. They feel like he could do better. I am not invited to any holidays. FH has always defended me to his family. Once we moved in together 2 years ago, he refused to attend family functions if I was not included. His dad and sister threaten not to come to the wedding. At this point I hope they don't since I don't know what bs they'll stir up while they are there.

View Quoted Comment Interesting. I’m 5 years older than my fiancé. I really don’t want any of his family there at all. I also previously married and 2 boys from that marriage. I feel awkward when at the family functions. I can see that they don’t want me there which is why I don’t want to go to them anymore.

How does your fiance feel about their behavior? The best thing would be to make sure he is on the same page as you. Maybe if he says something and stands up to them or cuts them off for a bit as well, maybe they will get the picture. He needs to let them know they absolutely cannot treat you that way.

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I say we do this, then. If they show up to our weddings, let's be graceful about it. If they make a stink in some way, we should have a person who can go to them and discreetly ask them to leave. I think I'm going to ask one of my uncles to be on top of it. But honestly, with my situation, they won't say a word out loud. They'll just make ugly comments to my FH. Keep in mind that we have done nothing wrong. They are the ones who have the problem and should be embarrassed of their behavior. I know on my end I have been more than accommodating, sending leftovers, inviting them to our gatherings. The blood is on their hands at this point. Good luck, girlie. I'll keep you in prayer.

View Quoted Comment He has before numerous time. They are a bunch of gossipy women who have nothing better to do. They don’t think he has a mind of his own and that I manipulated him into this relationship. Like really? Is that how much you guys think of him that he can be easily manipulated?

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Well I think obviously just talking to them isn't working anymore. You all both may need to cut them off. I hate to say that but my hubby and I had to threaten to do that with our in-laws as well. :\

View Quoted Comment Yes. I eve invited his family to come with us for house hunting if they wanted to. Anything dealing with our kids I’ve invited even though they technically are not my older children’s blood family I still included them but they make sure in every way to exclude us. Especially his sister. She does not contact her brother ever. She plans family stuff at her house and we are the only people not invited. One of my bridesmaids is already on it for if his family steps out of line. I’ll keep you is prayer ♥️

View Quoted Comment I know my lines are now cut but I’m not sure if he would be able to do that. He keeps his distance but cutting off completely might be his no go. Which is fine if he wants to keep the communication open but I’m not longer keeping mine open.

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The karma bus always arrives. Thank you for the prayers.

View Quoted Comment Girl I’m so sorry! My hubby told me when his in-laws started treating me this way he would not tolerate it and if they couldn’t treat me the right way and with a level of respect, then they weren’t allowed in his life or mine anymore. That made them shape up pretty quickly. I hope this gets resolved. They have to know that you are his life now along with your children. And sadly that may be the only way. I completely understand your reasoning for not wanting a relationship anymore! Praying it all works out for the best! ❤️

So sorry to hear about this! My FH and I have been together 7 years and I have been going through the same thing since day one. I am horrible because I had two kids before him, I am horrible because I have tattoos, I was horrible because I didn't attend church, I was horrible because I wasn't good enough for their son, I was horrible because I have tattoos. I guess I was horrible because I was human. The list goes on and on with my Future in laws. I had washed my hands of them too. I could tell it was tearing my FH up. I felt so bad but, why should I have to deal with that hatefulness. It wasn't until my FH stood up for us and told them about themselves that they started acting right. & even more so when he told them we were getting married. It's like they did a complete 360 turn around and are completely different people. I still have my guard up when it comes to them. But, it's going to take him standing up for his wife. That is no way to live... Feeling like you can never please them. You are not all the things they say you are. What they say about you is a reflection of them. Don't let it beat you down. I would def. stay away for as long as you need to. DON'T call off your wedding. This is your day.

Good for you for taking a stand. You don't need to put up with abusive behavior. Life is way too short for that nonsense.

And I would be really mindful of your daughters exposure to them if they are that negative...they may talk poorly about you in front of or to her.