I'm not the same person I was when I was in my 20's. I'm in my early 30's and I've had to let go of a lot of "friendships" that were not good for me. I was such a doormat. I saw the world with 100% rose-colored glasses and assumed people were the same but instead, they took advantage of my kindness and there was no one to blame but me. It was huge growth for me. One of the "friends" was one of my FH's cousin, Debra. She was always a user, never nice to me but only when she wanted something from me. 2 years into dating (with her continuous smear campaign and talking bad about me to my own friends and bad about my FH and I to their family), I had to stop talking to her. She didn't know how to be cordial, even when we needed to be. His girl cousins are all selfish. For example - for a birthday dinner, one wanted to invite her friends but I wanted an intimate dinner. That cousin ended up sticking close to another gal that was there and they did their own thing and ignored me that night. It hurt bc she didn't want to celebrate my birthday and enjoy company. She used my birthday to have a "mom's night out". Needless to say, I'm "okay" with the cousins, just not with Debra. We are acquaintances at best. Like Debra, some are extra nice when they want something. It's not like they ever made an effort to hang out or see me outside of family parties. Every time I tried, they end up canceling right before we meet.
Fast forward to my bachelorette party - his female cousins were so entitled. One said, "omg, you need to have it in vegas because I have been so stressed out from work and I need a vacation." Knowing them, they would've ditched me and had their own thing and make it about them. I feel like they were expecting me to have this big bachelorette party bc they're projecting their own feelings of inadequacy.
- Debra had one kid but was currently pregnant (in secret) during her bachelorette. She was a big party gal back in the day and she couldn't drink
- one cousin was literally 20 years old and could not go to bars. I don't even know if she had one
- one cousin's wife was with child when she eloped; didn't even have a bachelorette party
- FH's sister had a dinner but she doesn't have many friends (difficult personality) and was hoping being party of my bachelorette party would make her feel like she has a lot of friends
It's sad but cutting off my friends was one of the best things that happened to me. It took time but things just elevated in my life - career, personal, my peace of mind, etc. My dear FH is in vegas right now with his guy cousins he's been close to since childhood. I'm so excited for him and I'm not worried at all. They've just been doing fun things, shows, eating at fabulous places, and even getting massages!! I'm jealous bc I wish i had those close friendships or close family that I can do that stuff with. It's not all bad bc I am grateful to have my sister and 2 out of state cousins have agreed to be my bridesmaid (and they're very good people). Seeing his pictures and getting his text updates make me wish I had something like that. With my bachelorette, we had a staycation to another "tourist town" in our state, just for the weekend. It was a total of 6 gals, including myself and it was good. I don't know why I'm so sad and jealous about it but I really am happy and excited for my FH
