I apologize to anyone who takes the time to read this, because it will probably be long. Personally, I've avoided these topic threads about Covid entirely because I knew it would just make me sad, so I can't blame anyone for clicking away. 
So, just a week ago it finally hit me like a wall that my wedding in July might really not happen. We got engaged in July 2019, so I've been waiting a long time for it. I'm someone who really commits to whatever I'm working on, so it's hard to be in this position of will-it won't-it.
The thing is, even if summer weather makes restrictions of events and restaurants etc looser, my own fiancé is still not allowed in the country at this point. We work in Germany and his family is in China. Half our friends are in Europe/China also. If the visa offices aren't opened soon enough for them to apply, there's no way they can make it. Although our wedding is a small one and would easily fit regulations, I won't even have a groom.
Up until just recently I was saying "I won't even think about it, I'm not making a plan b, it'll get under control, the vaccines are coming". It's been nearly a year, so I think you can understand I figured by July 2021 we'd be in the clear.
Around New Years I got some sudden inspiration to work on planning the wedding again, since I've been planning on and off during our long engagement to make work manageable and keep the wedding planning non-stressful. Hearing more negative news about extending lockdowns--like, REAL lockdown where there's nothing open but essentials and curfews and they're encouraging working from home--possibly until April here in Germany is what finally made me snap.
For all these months I was saying I had nothing to complain about, we have our health, we have our jobs. I've listened to every health advisory. But honestly, the thought of having to compromise on my wedding makes me so deeply sad. My whole life and my fiancé's whole life we've made sacrifices for our career (that's why we don't live anywhere near our family,) and we started this career so young we didn't realize the consequences of our choices. We've missed so many funerals, graduations, weddings, holidays, birthdays... All I wanted was to be able to come together and have this one normal milestone in our lives. I really didn't feel like it was too much to ask after this blind dedication to my job. Starting my marriage and some day our own family is probably my biggest life goal, so it's a hard pill to swallow that I can't just have a normal day like other women have had for years and years and years.
My fiancé is really keeping a brave face and saying we can postpone to next year, but three years engaged? I didn't even want two years at first (although he was definitely right about it). I know it's easy to say "you have your whole life" but even I really don't want to continue putting this off and bringing up my wedding for three freaking years. Like, give me a break already. No one wants to listen to us get excited about a wedding for that long, and honestly, I know myself and I know I'll end up botching it in the end if I lose the passion for it.
I already have my dress and so many things decided, I'm afraid after three years of waiting I might entirely change my idea for the wedding. And no, I really don't want to spend extra money changing anything so I'll just be stuck with these worn out ideas I had three years ago. Like a pair of pants you're just sort of sick of wearing even if they're not broken.
Everyone around us says so casually "it's fine! just wait!" or "have a wedding here without the family!" and basically dismisses it as some silly little problem that's not a REAL problem, or I'm met with silence. And it just makes me mad. Also the idea of having the wedding still being in a Covid-world with masks and probably no dancing and no buffet and people are scared... wow so depressing. I don't even want to consider it.
I don't want to complain when other people are literally fighting for their life or losing their job--and I kept on a really good face up until this point--but I'm just so ANGRY at this stage.
Besides the wedding, the virus is understandably making our job impossible to do and our careers are extremely short so I think this is making me extra irritated. I know there's no real practical advice to give in this situation, but just writing about it here makes me feel better because it's not something a lot of other people can understand or sympathize with if they're not in the situation themselves.
Lots of love to all your brides in similar situations.
