“Just don’t register and people will give you cash”.......

... Maybe people heard "moving soon" to mean "let's get then a full house!"?

I agree with what others have said. It really is regional, family, and group-specific. In my family, if you're giving money you want to know what it is going towards. So, when my husband and I created a small registry we had our wedding party spread the news that we wanted money to save for a few big ticket items (mainly a gaming table and house). We ended up with only one registry item bought - the rest was all cash.

If 'money only' is something a-typical of your region or friend group, try to get your friends and family's in on spreading your preferences. That avoid's the 'feeling tacky' bit and gets the message across more clearly.

Totally get the frustration. Maybe it's time for you to set up a cash registry to make it more clear?

I find this interesting that your mom says nobody wants to buy from Zola! I guess this is also a know-your-crowd thing. Is your mom more old-fashioned? Are your guests? I also registered at Zola and set up a cash fund AND gifts.

Out of our social circles, most of our peers are pretty tech-savvy. (We are all on the West Coast.) The thought of going to a physical store to buy something is...a last resort to us that's only for if you need something same day or groceries. I didn't even want to be bothered to go to a physical store to register. We are pretty reliant on online shopping, Amazon Prime, apps for everything etc. Everything I registered for is available on Zola or Amazon to spare them from having to walk into a retail store.

As far as our elders go, I am pretty sure they'll completely ignore the online cash registry and just bring cash to the wedding (customary in our culture).

With that said, we haven't publicized our registry or anything yet (haven't sent out Save the Dates) so I guess I'll see how that goes for us!

My side of the family is older and more traditional I guess. They've never even heard of Zola so are probably leery to buy something on the website.

I'm amazed! I have actually read a lot on wedding etiquette, and trying by God's grace to stick to it, and have read it's tacky to put registry info on your invitations. But, then how do people know where to purchase a gift without actually physically asking the couple and things being awkward anyway? We are planning no registry and I have been warned that we may receive a purple towel, a yellow towel, etc...things we don't need. And I was really thinking I would be ok with that and laugh off the funny stuff. Your warning makes me feel a little nervous about that now. I would absolutely love a surprise gift of a full kitchen of pots and pans, but what if it doesn't match everything else, lol. I know, that's petty, and should be taken with a grain of salt everybody. It's just a "for instance" from me. I thought we would just be greatful for everything we receive (secretly hoping for some cash ). Hmmm...perhaps a small registry will be the way to go. I hope they call my mom and ask where we are registered instead of me. So awkward!

I see the importance of possibly having to go that route. I have a story here though. My little brother is getting married on June 1st and instead of gifts, they have set up a honeyfund online. They were going to list this on their invites. I have read this is extremely tacky to ask for money for your wedding in any shape or form (not my opinion, just passing the message). Long story short, the invites went out with nothing on them (The one I received anyway, but we are getting married in October and perhaps they just didn't want to burden us with the cost of a gift for someone else's wedding, plus I helped fund and throw the bridal shower. My mom said her's had gift registry info on hers.), but at her bridal shower, she brought a "honeymoon fund" clear glass box. There were 30 attendees and not one dollar went into the honeymoon fund. People brought gifts and cards (I'm assuming with money in most). She took the cash and threw it in the honemoon fund box in front of everybody. I really didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, it's their gifted money, they can do what they want with it, but on the other hand, I feel like she should have kept the money in the cards until she got home and then put it in the honeymoon fund.

Right on! Most people in my family are a smidge older as well. I still don't know half of these websites or how to set one up. I'm ok with traditional wedding stuff...the days before technology

Lol. I think most people bring gifts for showers, no matter what. My friend had a bridal shower last year and she had a small registry. I bought off the registry but I noticed some people just brought gift cards or random things, I think because her registry was small. I think if you have a shower, you should have a small registry and just accept some people will use it for the wedding too? That's what happened to my friend.

And yeah, I wouldn't dump the cash from the cards into a box. Especially a clear one. But that's just me. lol.

It's funny you say a gift looks bigger than $20 cash in a card. Lol. Exactly this!! When my nieces and nephews were younger, I would tape a bunch of quarters, like $5.00 worth on blank side of the inside of the card for birthdays. It felt heavier and looked like waaaay more than a $5.00 bill. You are so right on this!

Yeah based on my experience so far I would definitely have a registry... I really was hoping more people would send cash or a check, but I'm very glad that if people are sending us physical gifts, at least it's stuff we've picked out and actually want

I would wonder that too but I've specifically elaborated "we have a small registry because we are moving soon and don't want to accumulate too much more stuff that we will have to move" so that's no excuse

Lucky you!!

Hahah, the most valuable wedding-planning lesson I've learned is just overall, people don't get hints

Yeah that's a good point, I hit my breaking point with being asked "where are you registered" today and just listed it on the website now, so we'll see if that makes a difference! Originally I was thinking that having it listed on the site would make people think that the registry stuff is what we really wanted. I thought not listing it would prompt them to just assume we didn't have one which is what I was hoping for but.... apparently people don't assume things lol

Lol, that's what my mom said happened to her when she didn't register! That's why I made one at all, hoping that the people who are set on getting us physical gifts will at least get us something we want. I just didn't expect there to be quite so many people who are set on getting us physical gifts

I originally wanted to do this since FH and I are still transient. When i told people we weren't registering, and had a honeyfund set up, it was met with a lot of curled upper lips.... so we registered with Amazon for a few items. People will give cash if they want to, and people will give gifts if they want to. They give what they want no matter what your desire is.

Snow globes with a picture of the couple in it, high end tiffany's shot glasses, dog camping gear, a book of spells, a tree...

So yeah, I'm not under the impression that our guests will follow or have heard about the registery or cash only etiquette lol. Three of the above gifts are from people we also invited to our wedding, so we'll see what happens

OMG Gen, this is exactly what I've been saying for months!! We have a very small registry, but haven't received any gifts yet. But I just know at least some of my family won't get this concept!!! If there is no registry, or they can't find it, or it doesn't have anything on there they want to buy, they will get us something we don't need/want!! It's just that simple. We would prefer to have cash as gifts, but my family won't get it. They're crazy, and most of them are really old school traditional, so they will all be bringing physical gifts to the wedding. So frustrating. On the one hand, you read in the forums how it's perfectly acceptable to WANT cash, it's just not acceptable to ASK FOR cash.

So, my thought is, then how do you get it? I guess maybe I was just born into the wrong family or something.

Not sure about FHs family. Maybe we'll get lucky there.

But I agree 100% with Gen, "if you don't have a registry, people will gift cash" is the biggest lie I've heard on this site.

I have to say, the idea that "people will get the hint" has always baffled me. I had never heard of that until joining these forums. Most wedding guests are not on the forums. I wouldn't have ever "just gotten the hint" that couples wanted cash if I couldn't find their registry info. I would have given them gift cards to shop for whatever they needed from department stores, Amazon, etc. I would never just give cash. I'm not sure why so many brides think that guests will "get the hint" unless it's just because they read it here.