I don't have many friends. My very best friend is my fiancee corny I know. My close friends are all in different states and I don't like talking to my family about certain things. So years ago I got out of an abusive relationship. Physically and emotionally I was abused. It started when I was in the military but I only reported the first assult that took place. I stayed with this guy and the abuse still continued. My command knew I was still with him but I never reported anything else. I had to cover black eyes, ignore being hurt, walk on egg shells around my ex. Fast forward to know with wedding planning and I couldn't be happier, but Im having nightmares and memories randomly pop in my head. This is suppose to be so enjoyable but day to day seems hard to get through sometimes. I cant always shower with my fiance cuz i was choked out and passed out in the shower while pregnant. I cant hear a certain text tone or song because it reminds me of my phone my ex always use to take out of my hands. random smells reminds me of when I was happy with my ex and I dont want to remember any of that. My fiance knows about my past but always says I'm not him I will never do anything like that to you and I believe him but I cant shake off all this stress about marriage being final and I cant turn back once I say I do. I never thought I was going to get married after that relationship but I am and I'm somewhat scared now.
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