Hi everyone. I'll try to keep this coherent.
My parents divorced when I was 20. As an adult I was much more able to understand what was happening. I don't want to bog this down with gory details, but please trust me when I say that my father is extremely toxic. My mother pretty much raised us on her own, and once I understood what she had been going through in the 30 years she was with him, I made the decision to go low contact with my father. He believes she has brainwashed me and 10 years later still plays the victim.
After having to postpone our wedding due to COVID, along with a few hard-hitting and emotionally exhaustive events, my FI and I agreed to scrap the 80+ person wedding (father is oldest of 7) and just invite those we actually wanted there. I've made the decision not to invite my father. That on its own has been a huge weight off my shoulders since the thought of him walking me down the aisle made me unhappy.
It gets complicated because my cousin ("Amy") on my father's side was going to be in my bridal party. I have never attempted to discuss my father with anyone on his side of the family. I actually wanted to invite Amy, her brother, and her parents because I have always been closer to them than my other relatives (they're my god family). However, I'm torn over whether to invite my cousin at all given my father won't be coming. As much as I love her father, he seems to resent my mom, and I'm sure he wouldn't come if invited if my father won't be there.
I could see this putting Amy in an awkward and uncomfortable position, but I also don't know how to tell her she's not invited anymore. Any advice is appreciated.