Kicked my sister out of the bridal party.

A maid of honor is not married. A matron of honor is married.

Support goes both ways. While you want your sister to be supportive of you and your wedding, being a bridesmaid isn't a job title. Brides tend to forget that everyone's lives don't revolve around them. Your sister must be super upset and saddened that you asked her to not be a bridesmaid. A little complaining and missing one appointment probably didn't warrant that.

If you want to repair the relationship, I think you need to apologize and put your relationship first.

That’s really hard. I have honestly never seen someone getting kicked out of a bridal party end well. It’s typically a way to end the friendship because your dishonoring them. I understand where you’re coming from, and I do think she was being unreasonable, but I also understand her hurt.

I think you're going to have to make tremendous effort to reconnect with your sister. What you did definitely creates a bunch of tension and ruins relationships. Apologize to her and let her reach out to you whenever she's ready. Slowly rebuild from there. I hope everything gets better!

You couldn’t even have your nephew there for the half hour or so you are taking family photos, but your mad that she won’t let you see him now that you kicked her out? Obviously we got a condensed version of the story, so all we can respond to is what you told us. Kicking someone out of the bridal party is typically a relationship ending move, so I’m not sure what you expected to happen, but her just getting over it isn’t likely. I get being hurt that she wasn’t providing the support or excitement for you that you wanted/expected, but if it reached this point obviously there was a breakdown of communication on one or both sides. At the end of the day you have to decide what you believe is best for you, but those decisions will always have consequences.

I totally see your frustrations here but I also think losing your sister over something like this is also sad so I would tell her you appreciate all she has done and want to move forward and you could even still include her in the ceremony somehow ! I hope she comes to understand your decision and can also move forward

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See it wasn't just one appointment, it was every appointment.
Every decision I made or asked feedback on, I got eye rolling, or straight up ignored until it was convenient for her. I got told "I'm not getting up that early. You're lucky I liked the dress. Does it really have to be that day? I've got my son." So I moved it to a day where she didn't "It's my day off, I'm not doing that on my day off." it was never ending. Then when I organised something with my other bridesmaid, she got so uptight that I didn't invite her on a day it was good for her, which is never.

I have apologised, and I explained that it wasn't her fault it just wasn't a good fit for me, and that I definitely do want her at the wedding,
but she put it all back on me, saying she never argued, but she knows she didn't contribute anything either.

I've always done things around other people, I've always been the people pleaser, she's always been the one to get her own way...

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My nephew as Severe autism, he's non-verbal. At my brothers wedding, she let him play the wiggles on loud and when we all told her to make it muted, she got in a huff because it shouldn't make a difference. This was during the speeches *it was so loud you couldn't hear it* and during my SIL walking down the isle... No kids are coming, because if I let one child come I have to let them all come. it's a winery that's got glass and crystal everywhere.

If I let him come for 30 minutes for photos, he'd never leave. Because he'd scream and kick and cause a huge scene, because that's what he does to communicate. Is it so bad I don't want the wiggles playing as I walk down the isle? Because after she did this at my brothers wedding, my partner and I didn't want it at ours.

It’s her job to get her dress. She had her dress. Yes she did not pay for it on her own. Yes she was being a pain, but I think you are expecting a lot from her. I have one BM going to my fitting. That is mainly cause my mom passed away and I am hiding the dress at her house. You kicked her out of the wedding. Unfortunately things are going to be bad for a while.

I am sorry you are going through this. Your sister sounds incredibly immature. However, I feel that it was extreme of you to kick her out of the wedding party because you felt that she wasn't doing enough for you. She never did anything to actively sabatage your wedding. (Her arranging to have her autistic son dropped off by her ex partner is a nasty, passive aggressive move and it's the closest that comes to causing you actual trouble, but I don't think that would have affected the actual wedding.) She didn't create any real drama except to give you attitude. You didn't have to rearrange any appointments because of her, she didn't keep you waiting, she simply (and rudely) told you she wasn't coming. It sounds like she may have been a wee bit jealous, and a little entitled, and completely lacked self awareness, but you treated her like a probationary employee who failed to meet the basic job requirements. Being a bridesmaid is not a job, as a PP said. All you can really expect of her is to wear her dress, walk down the aisle, and stand next to you. Her job is not to be your unpaid wedding planner or dress consultant. It is hurtful that she wasn't more involved, but it's more hurtful to her that she got kicked out over this.

I wish I had more constructive advice for you, but I think you need to readjust your expectations first.

Sometimes you need to enforce boundaries and those without a healthy understanding of boundaries will not respond well. It's a sucky situation but if after you have cooled off and had time to reflect on your emotions and you still feel like it was the right choice, then it was the right choice. Sometimes the toxic people in your life come from your family, doesn't mean you don't love them. Do your best to lead with rational thought and not emotions and stay open to conversations with your sister. It will all work out in the end.

When you make a choice, you have to live with the consequences of that choice. You chose to kick your sister out of your wedding party. You now have to understand that she may not want to be a part of your life. Personally, if someone kicked me out of their wedding, I would also choose not to attend or have anything to do with them anymore. And of course if she wants nothing to do with you that includes her son. I’m not sure why that part is surprising.

She was definitely being rude and underhanded (especially when it came to having her son there for pictures). I would want to know where she's coming from with some of behaviors. It could be something that, if explained, would make sense - especially for a mother with a severely autistic child (such as morning routines). However, I definitely understand your anger and hurt. I'd probably feel similarly.

That being said, two wrongs do not make a right. Dropping someone from a bridal party usually means, "I don't want a relationship with you anymore." As much as I do not support her behavior, I'm not sure that was the best way to resolve your problem.

I'm going to have an unpopular opinion here. Because I have a sister like this that is in my bridal party. She acts like every appointment anything related to my wedding is an inconvenience to her and doesn't make it a priority. I have thought about kicking her out many times. That being said, I expected most of this from her because I know her personality. I chose an assertive maid of honor, that way everyone was "kept in line" during planning. Even though your sister was acting inappropriately, she has every right to be mad. I understand the son thing, I'm having a no kid wedding, but I feel like there could have been room for compromise there. I would just try your best to sit down and talk to her. Maybe get some help from your parents. I can see both your side and hers, and unfortunately this is something she might not be able to forgive.

Wow - I feel ya. Unfortunately there is not much you can do. You can make it known you would like her there, but it’s up to her to move past this. All you can do is leave the door open.

I have a similar situation except I didn’t ask my sister to be a bridesmaid at all. I know it was an intense decision, but I only wanted people around me that really support me. She has never been there for me. I asked her to be a reader though. And I feel I made the right choice, as she hasn’t asked me one question about the wedding (in 10 months)

So this is a situation I can (in a way) relate to at the moment. My best friend of 26 years and practical sister is no longer in my wedding party and who knows if she will come the day of. It is really hurtful when the people you love and care about dont seem to appreciate anything you do. Like me, I'm sure you hope things will blow over and get better in time for the wedding.. But even if she isn't going back into the bridal party, you making sure she knows she is welcome to the wedding will be important. Y'all are sisters and if she misses that, she just potentially missed a HUGE life event and you both will have to live with that choice. It is better she at least show up. I know it is hard, take the space you need, and I hope things work out. But you also need and deserve to have this time be about you and your day! You can only do and take so much. ❤

Was she rude YES, was she UNACCOMMODATING YES, but she didn't just start there and she has n real job prior to wedding festivities I feel like once you removed her the relationship was damaged. and YES she was being petty to undermined you and have the nephew dropped off at wedding.

I' almost positive if you are being honest with yourself that this is the way your relationship has been with her attitude and strained relationship and you were hoping that she would change because she's your sister and it's your wedding (natural feeling) but you can't change people.

Can the relationship be fixed yes but that will take time.

I will have an unpopular opinion here, it is OKAY to not make your sister a maid of honor, it is who you choose who you feel close too who you feel wants to be that very special job on your day. I think she may be acting out since shes just a bridesmaid maybe she is like oh well im not the maid of honor so oh well, however at the end of the day she still has the sister title and it is rude of a sister to not want to be there for you. I have the same case, except my sister is my maid of honor and she has not done anything, at my dress appointment looked on her phone the whole time lol just the worst. Back to you, I agree with you 100% if you have 1 kid you have to have them all because no one understands or cares the relation, once they see a child and you told them they could not bring theirs there will be an issue! if she let wiggles play for your brother she will def do it for you or maybe worst to be spiteful. Also, if you are having a child free wedding it is not her place to invite her child without letting you know. We will have my nephews and niece walk down the aisle and take photos but they are getting picked up right after that and also not getting ready with us the day of. At the end of the day please remember it is your wedding and a day about you and your fiancée.