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Expert March 2021

Kicked out of the bridal party for getting married

Marcia, on January 13, 2020 at 4:17 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 41

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I need some advice so I don't handle this situation poorly. My cousin and I were both engaged around the same time (over the holidays). We both asked each other to be in our bridal parties. Because she was engaged first, I asked her if she had chosen her date yet because I knew we were looking at the same time. I told her FH and I really wanted to get married in March on our three year anniversary, but I wanted to see if she had already booked that date. She told me she had chosen April already and didn't think it was appropriate for me to get married so close to her (5 weeks apart). She thought I was doing all of this on purpose to beat her to the punch. She was pretty hurtful, so I backed off initially, but my MOH convinced me I wasn't doing anything wrong and should pick a date that works for us. So I picked the date and explained my reasoning to my cuz and told her how excited I was for both weddings. She told me she is kicking me and my sister out of her bridal party. She told me I can explain to my sister that I have ruined her chance to be a bridesmaid with my disrespectful choices. I am baffled and unsure of what to do. It's been a week now and she is still not speaking to me and her family isn't speaking to mine. Did I do something wrong? What do I do to make it right?

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41 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on June 25, 2020 at 1:13 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on January 13, 2020 at 4:22 PM
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You did nothing wrong and you don’t need to do anything to make it right. Your cousin is wrong here. If I was in your shoes, I would choose to no longer have a relationship with my cousin.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on January 13, 2020 at 4:22 PM
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You haven't done anything wrong and there's absolutely nothing that you should do to make it right. Your cousin is being an overdramatic bridezilla and honestly, it sounds like you've dodged a bullet not being in her wedding.
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Devoted October 2020
A · on January 13, 2020 at 4:24 PM
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I have something a little similar with my future sister in law.

Obviously nothing can be done if she and her family refuse to speak to you and your family- you can’t solve anything without communication. If you can open a line of communication though, assuring her that all of her wedding events will be all about her might help (i.e. don’t try on veils at her dress shopping appointments, talk about your wedding at her bridal shower, etc). Make sure to emphasize that this will go both ways and that you’re there to support her on her special day just like you want her there for yours. Hope this helps!
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on January 13, 2020 at 4:24 PM
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I...really don't think you're in the wrong. She might get over it, but it seems like she's in wedding brain. I'd focus on your day and let her have her show. Clearly she needs some distance.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on January 13, 2020 at 4:28 PM
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She is being unreasonable. She can't claim a month (muchless two). If you want to get married in March, get married in March.
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Master February 2020
Amber · on January 13, 2020 at 4:29 PM
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You most certainly didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry she treated you and your sister so poorly, that's a Grade A bridezilla right there. There's nothing you can/should do because this isn't on you. If she wants to mend the relationship, the ball is 100% in her court.
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Expert April 2020
Jill · on January 13, 2020 at 4:44 PM
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She's honestly being ridiculous. You did nothing wrong here and shouldn't feel like you need to do something to make it right. She needs to realize she is being irrational and extend the olive branch here
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on January 13, 2020 at 4:48 PM
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Sounds like your cousin has an ego problem.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on January 13, 2020 at 4:52 PM
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Your MOH was right. Unfortunately there’s nothing to be done to reason with someone being so unreasonable. Just keep reminding yourself of that. To kick out your sister too is outrageous. That has nothing to do with you, that is ALL on her.
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VIP October 2020
Ingrid · on January 13, 2020 at 5:01 PM
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You did nothing wrong, in fact the opposite. You were considerate and asked her the date of her wedding to not book the same date. It sounds like she immature and unreasonable. I'm not sure if it's how she is generally or not but since her family is following suit my guess is that she was raised that way. Move on with your happiness.
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Expert October 2020
Shaina · on January 13, 2020 at 5:31 PM
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Wow. One of bridesmaids is planning to get pregnant when i get married. I knew before I asked her to be in the wedding and I would never kick her out. Seems like some tight rules or maybe she has other things and took it out on you. Have you talked to her about it yet?
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on January 13, 2020 at 5:32 PM
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You did nothing wrong. Yikes, she seems petty...
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Dedicated October 2019
KAREN · on January 13, 2020 at 5:34 PM
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Nope, she sounds insecure and vindictive.
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Beginner February 2021
Flavia · on January 13, 2020 at 5:35 PM
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I’m really sorry you are going through this. I think it’s more hurtful when it’s from a family and you don’t know what you did wrong! However you didn’t do anything wrong! So go ahead baby girl and get married the day you picked. You cousin is being selfish and clearly has an ego issue. Baby girl you got this and it’s your day!
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Super February 2020
Andrea · on January 13, 2020 at 6:11 PM
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She sounds like a crazy person. You didn't do anything wrong. Choose a date that works for you and let it be. Your cousin clearly has some insecurities for wanting a whole 2 months to be about her. Who cares if she got engaged first either...she needs a reality check.
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Devoted September 2021
Caitlin · on January 13, 2020 at 6:15 PM
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I think it was a tiny bit inconsiderate of you to book the date when she told you she was uncomfortable with it. However, she completely overreacted. I agree you might have dodged a bullet here by not being a part of her wedding. I am just concerned about your family relations in the future.
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on January 13, 2020 at 6:55 PM
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You have done nothing wrong. She is ridiculous. I would move on with planning your wedding and not worry about this petty act on your cousins part. You have a long time until your wedding, so she may come around. But honestly, I wouldn’t want to be in someone’s wedding, or have someone in my wedding, that acted like that!
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Dedicated March 2021
Nandi · on January 13, 2020 at 7:02 PM
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I agree with everyone, you did nothing wrong at all! The date means something to you & your FH and if she can’t share the same happiness for the both of you that you displayed, that’s her problem! Enjoy your wedding planning and this special time for you & your fiancé.
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Expert March 2021
Marcia · on January 13, 2020 at 7:05 PM
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I am concerned too. I wasn't sure what to do because she told me all of spring was off-limits and that I had to get married after her. I felt like if I explained to her that I couldn't delay my wedding by months for her, she would calm down. But she didn't and I'm worried it will fracture the family forever. If anyone has ideas on how to fix things, I will take them
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Expert March 2021
Marcia · on January 13, 2020 at 7:06 PM
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Thank you to everyone who has shared words of encouragement. I have been physically I'll over this, and the positivity from so many of you has really helped.
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Kicked out of the bridal party for getting married

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