Kicking a bridesmaid out with 25 days to go

Im not sure that this is a reason to kick her out

You didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid to go to your bach, shower or to have help did you. You asked her im assuming because shes an important person in your life. i wouldnt kick ppl out for this reason

Is it seriously worth kicking her out with so little time left, especially if you work with her? Also, why'd she miss those things... did she have halfway decent excuses? Also, it does seem like she's trying a bit with the cake topper and she can't control her sis. I haven't asked my BMs to do anything, and I know two of them did NOTHING toward the Bach party and bridal shower, but I still love them and things have come together beautifully because of my other two. (I gave them wine as a thank you for all their hard work and apologized for making them deal with the other two. ) It sucks that she missed the parties, but I'm not sure from the lack of detail if she's done anything wrong here. I guess I also don't like the idea of kicking anyone out of a bridal party in general... you asked them to be part of it for a reason.

I agree with The Wicked, unless there's something else going on, I really don't see the reason why you're kicking her out.

I was a BM at a friend's wedding last year, I missed the bridal shower, I only stop by for a minute to give my gif (another friend, my MOH was having a baby and I had to be there to support her), I miss the get together sorta'f a bach party the night before the wedding (I had to get my eyebrows done by FH 'cause he was going to work the next day and that was the only time I could get it done), she sure didn't kick me out for that

I honestly don't think that is a reason to kick someone out.

If that was the case, then I would have no bridal party at all.

I chose the people I chose because they are important to me and important in my life.

I didn't get a bach. party, I didn't get a bridal shower.

Not one of my 5 girls have helped with a single thing. NOTHING. NADDA.

But you know what they did do????

They accepted my invitation to stand next to me at my wedding, they accepted to spend 400.00 on a dress/each plus their shoes, their travel expenses to come to my wedding, hotel rooms and anything else that may come up between the time I asked them and 9 days(OMG).

Reconsider kicking her out, it could be a mistake that ends up costing you more then your pride.

Good Luck

Jenny, I have to agree, you have to beforehand request that they attend these events. I have told all of them that they must attend the Engagement Party, without problems, Bridal shower, I would like for them to be there as well. I do understand how you feel, she obviously does not see the urgency in having things done early and you do. Dont pout....even though time is ticking. COMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCAAATION IS EVERYTHING..... Talk!!!

Has she invested in a dress already??? Not sure if this is the best decision.

Kicking her our bc her sis isnt doing something is not a very good reason.

did she tell you she was coming to the bach and shower and not show, or was she upfront about it right away?

you work with this girl, this is not a good idea.

I agree with the other ladies, not sure if those are valid reasons to kick her out. Did she already pay for her dress/shoes?

1) I really don't see 'not helping' as reason to kick her out.

2) You should never rely on others to do things for you.

3) Did she miss the parties for a good reason? IE: Finiances, work, etc?

If you're kicking her out, be prepared to reimburse her for any attire she has bought for the wedding.

Is she married? I can tell you I look at being a BM very differently and much more seriously now than I did before I started planning my own wedding.

No I didn't ask her to be in the wedding to help me out. We were very close when I first got engaged and seriously we have grown apart and lately she just seems shady/short. I think this is plenty of reason for her not to be in the wedding. She hasn't been a part of any of the wedding events, except for the engagement party which again happened when we were closer. She hasn't done anything related to being a BM.

Missing the bach - Because her sis graduated kindergarten and they decided to take a last min trip to Disneyland (after she paid for Vegas in full). And shower - She had to help her god mother out with something personal. Didn't even text me to tell me she couldn't make it to shower..

Nope she isn't married, and she says she never wants to get married. Which is fine, that's your choice, but I really think that's why she isn't taking being a BM so seriously.

I really think being a BM consists of being there for the bride, not at all saying I need them to help me with everything... actually the only thing I asked for help on was picking out the BM dress, and my card box (not a big DIY person) and I didn't ask her. All 5 of other BMs are all about the wedding always asking how things are coming along, if I need anything, asking about the reception details etc. She hasn't done any of that. It really does seem like she isn't interested in being a part of the wedding. I know everyone has their own life, that's fine you should have your own life, just because my life revolves around my wedding does not at all mean that my BM's lives have to too. I am going to be reimbursing her for all expenses, thankfully only the dress. The cake topper I offered but she said that was a gift.

Anyway, I just did it. She was super cool about it and understands even apologized. So we are on good terms, and she will be a guest at the wedding.

She also said NOT to pay her back for the dress unless her "fill in" is paying it, she doesn't want me to spend any money I don't have to. Rest assured, I will be paying for the dress! I am not having the "fill in" BM pay for that and I am not leaving the ex BM out $200+

Its your wedding. If your bridesmaids are not living up to your expectations, do what you have to do. It's YOUR WEDDING! I'm sure most people on here would not agree with me but that makes us all individuals. Good luck

Then again, with 25 days to go maybe she won't show up? Who knows????

I'm happy to hear that it went well. Goes to show that we all know what's best when it comes to our relationships with people. We (I) was just giving you advice from an outside perspective. Sounds like everything is going to work out though.

Without knowing more details, it's hard to really judge. But I'd probably agree with you. If someone I cared about acted uninterested in doing something for my wedding, I'd say they didn't care much about me.

My guess it that even though she isn't into marriage, she might be jealous, or just have ALOT on her plate that she really down't want to unload on to you.