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Devoted February 2022

Kid-free wedding misunderstanding

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Chloe, on October 7, 2021 at 11:56 AM

We're having a child-free wedding. It's partly because we don't want to cater to over 30 children that would come with our guests, and partly because the venue we've chosen is dangerous (open fires everywhere). There are other reasons, too, but we've communicated clearly in our STDs and also in person that it's an adults-only event.

Our venue (which is also a hotel) sent me a list of rooms booked by our guests - the deadline for the hotel room block was this Monday if guests wanted to get a room with our special discount. And I've noticed that some guests booked rooms for themselves and their kids. All but two are guests from FHs family... Two of the kids (aged 1 and eleven) we knew about and agreed that their parents could bring them because they'll be flying from the US and staying in Europe for a few weeks after the wedding, the baby is going to be sleeping in the room and the 11 yo is not a bother. That still leaves us with 5 unannounced kids aged between 3 and 8 that we haven't planned on and - more importantly - don't want to accommodate. There is no option that the parents are just taking them with them to leave them in their rooms - this is an "event hotel" we've hired exclusively for that weekend, so even the meals are only provided for our wedding guests, and there are no other options nearby (nearest city is 3km away).
What do I do? Do I approach the parents to tell them I've noticed that they've included their children in the room reservations? Or do I sit tight and do nothing and keep planning our adult-only party?
To clarify: none of them informed us that they might be bringing their children. Our save the dates were addressed to the adults only and stated clearly that we've reserved 2 seats for them and that, due to our peculiar venue, the event would be adult-only. Our website has a whole section on the venue and also why we've decided to go child-free. You honestly can't get more clear. People seemingly just chose to ignore all that and I'm angry because that's just rude and I don't know what to do about it.

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31 Comments

January 2014
Pam · on October 9, 2021 at 6:27 PM
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Am I reading correctly that the 1 year old will be left alone in the room while the parents are at the wedding??
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Devoted February 2022
Chloe · on October 9, 2021 at 7:18 PM
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With a baby monitor, yes, so that they can react if it wakes up
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on October 12, 2021 at 8:39 PM
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What if, god forbid, there’s a fire? That’s just not a good idea.
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Devoted February 2022
Chloe · on October 13, 2021 at 1:59 AM
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I think it's for the baby's parents to decide, don't you?
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on October 13, 2021 at 7:23 AM
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Oh wow. That is very concerning. No, I don’t think it should always be up to parents to decide, because obviously some parents make poor decisions about their children’s safety. That is why there are child safety and endangerment laws. I would highly caution against doing this. People have actually been arrested for leaving babies and small children alone in hotel rooms. At the very least, I’d check with law-enforcement regarding legal child endangerment laws and whether it would be permitted for a one year old to be left alone in a hotel room. I would also check with the hotel staff regarding their policies on this, as I am inclined to believe they will have policies against leaving a baby in a hotel room alone.
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Devoted February 2022
Chloe · on October 13, 2021 at 9:03 AM
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First, it's not my child, so not my problem. Second, there are no such laws in Germany, since it's not a police state and they will remain in the same building. Third - not my child, I DON'T CARE, it's for the parents to figure out.

What's wrong with you people, do you play indignation police to your own wedding guests? My guests are all accountable adults who make their own decisions, I'm not going to butt in and tell them how to take care of their own children, ffs.
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on October 13, 2021 at 9:31 AM
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I don’t believe anybody is being a morality police. They are simply warning you of the dangers of what could happen when leaving a child alone in a hotel room. In the United States we have child endangerment laws which would strictly prohibit this behavior. People on this forum are here to advise you of any kind of pitfalls that may arise at your event, so you could avoid them (Nothing fun about a baby dying or a relative being taken out of your wedding in handcuffs). I was simply trying to suggest you check the laws in your area, as well as the hotel policies, to ensure neither were being broken and your event would not be disrupted. But hey, if you do not care about the well-being of this child at your event and do not want others’ advice/opinions, I would probably reconsider posting that information on a public forum 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Super October 2019
W-K · on October 13, 2021 at 1:14 PM
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I'm confused then. You stated that your reasons for having a child free wedding is because the atmosphere including open flame is not safe for children. Then you allowed an exception with a plan that is also... not safe for a child. Not WANTING children at your wedding is justification in and of itself. Kids can be right pains in the rears and even I told my own sister to leave her littlest children home due to their behavior just because I didn't want those particular children there (we have that kind of relationship). Don't patronize your guests in this manner. Either allow parents to make their own decisions regarding their children's care for the kiddos you don't want present at your event, including worrying about food and whatnot. Or just have a frank honest discussion with the parents who reserved for their kids with an understanding of the emotional repercussions.
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Devoted February 2022
Chloe · on October 13, 2021 at 1:23 PM
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There is a huge difference between children not being safe at an event you're organising and them being left "alone" (within range of a baby monitor, are you all cuffed to your children and never leave them upstairs while attending a party downstairs??? I'm asking seriously, because this is very normal for me and all parents I know do it) by their parents, by their own informed decision.
And they are making their own decisions. They just need to be informed that they have to take care of everything because we won't - this is what this post was all about, and what 20 answers to my rant/question said. No one here is asking for input concerning other people's parenting method's...
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Super October 2019
W-K · on October 13, 2021 at 1:39 PM
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No, there's no difference here. Either it's an event safe for children, or it's not. And, no, I would absolutely not leave my 1 year old in a strange room alone to attend a party that's literally such a horrible idea it's not funny. Home is one thing, an event space with a bunch of people in an unfamiliar environment is completely different. You're getting worked up in your original post about kids daring to be present at the venue during a weekend but have no problems with two children in particular being there and their parents leaving them unsupervised in an unfamiliar place. You're contradicting yourself. You know what you need to do, I'm just saying drop the pretention and faux concern for children's safety and be bluntly honest with your guests.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on October 13, 2021 at 11:06 PM
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No. I don’t. It’s actually a legal/child safety issue at that point.
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