Kid problem

I’m in the same boat but with my BFF!!! FH and o have a daughter (FG) and two nieces- two nephews are coming - that’s it for kids. I hate telling her she can’t bring her boys but if I let her then I have to let WVERYONE else bring their kids too 🤦🏼‍♀️ I feel your pain lol

You can certainly tell her her kids aren’t welcome, but you can’t make her attend your wedding if she doesn’t feel comfortable leaving her kids.

She has until NOVEMBER OF 2021 to find a reliable babysitter. Girl can start accepting applications now, as kids will be almost 2 years older by then. Holy crap.

You can not allow kids, and accept that she will stay home. But if she ever goes out anywhere without her kids she is crappy if she does not come (assuming not out of town).

Just tell her upfront, expect her to be mad and just stick to what you truly want. My nieces are older so they’re coming but I told my sister that if they were younger they wouldn’t be there. And that’s the truth. Her boyfriends Mom or whoever can keep them alive for the day.

I would just tell her it's a kid-free wedding. She will have plenty of notice since your wedding is over a year away, so I assume she will be able to find a sitter that she trusts besides her boyfriend's mother. If she can't, she can't go. That's it.

I agree with Alyssa. She has plenty of time to find a reliable babysitter.

To someone's point of "they have until 2021", you do too, to think on it seriously and plan for what you want in your wedding, but also what you want for your relationships and your guests. Different stages of life have different demands and challenges for weddings you have to evolve with: Early 20s? Woot everyone is single! Bar and dj more important. Mid to late 20s? Guests are going to need +1s for spouses or serious partners. If you and your family/friends all have kids, then you may need to plan for kids. Is it what you always thought your wedding would be? No. But that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes it's easy to lose the forest for the trees of "my one big day", but the zoomed out picture of guest comfort, feelings, and your long term relationships with them means that sometimes we need to be flexible. Life happens.

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SO much THIS! I love the forest for the trees analogy. It's so much more than one big day. I think sometimes it's hard to remember it's not a stage production, and the guests aren't an audience. I am going to try to remember this at my next stress.

I definitely support your decision on not wanting kids at your wedding, but who will your daughter hang out with at an adult's only wedding?

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There's a huge difference between leaving your kids for a few hours to grab dinner vs leaving them potentially all day and night if she's in the wedding.

I have no answer. I'm just in aww of her having quints and 2 sets of twins all under 7 ! WOW

My best friend has 3 kids under 5 and when I brought up whether or not I should allow kids, she said "My kids WILL NOT be at your wedding!" Lol she sees it as a break and a night out with her husband. I put on my website to make it a date night. But just explain that you want it kids free and she should understand.

She has plenty of time to find a babysitter. Just tell her due to the venue you are keeping it kids free.
Or is there an option for you to hire a babysitter or family teenager and have them watch the kids at the hotel?

You are not responsible for other people's day care problems, even your sister's. She has to want to plan to make sure they are well cared for before the wedding, if she wants to come. 5 quints and 2 and 2 =9. Will the Quints all be 9 yr olds, twins younger? They may need two sitters. Whatever they need then, they need everytime mom is gone. What if she were hospitalized? She needs a back up plan. When we leave all 5, or 4 of our kids, with 3-5 of a siblings kids, only my parents will take 8-10 at once, or me, when sitting my sister's or cousins kids. Any other time, I either split them up, 2 at one sitter in her home, while someone comes to stay with the other 3. Or if going somewhere with those sibs or cousins , we combine a couple of kids similar ages, and use 3 sitters. How many of these kids are school age makes a difference. But if she cannot find any 2 or 3 people who can handle them, what the heck is she planning if they did come to your wedding? An unknown, crowed group? Crazy. Show her you care by helping her work out a babysitter plan. Long term, except my parents , I do a lot of child care barter. If 2 have doctor or dentist appointments, I will leave 3 with a friend who has 1 or 2 similar age kids. When they need a sitter, I owe them more hours with one or two kids. Maybe when some are out with Dad, she needs to work out a plan . And hire a teen to come to the house while she is present, but doing something else. Get them all comfortable with alternate caretakers. If money is an issue, perhaps partial trades will work. I had 2 old neighbors, live near my parents, who do not have cars in this rural area. Hubby and I routinely see to shopping, and airport or bus station runs ( $75-$125 round trip if a taxi) when they visit their grown children. Long time teachers, the consider only 5-9 kids, easy. We save them labor and taxi fare of 20 mile grocery runs, and cost of getting to public carriers, and keep running tallies as though we were paying $15 an hour. Help sis and husband find long term solutions. Don't alter your wedding if you do not want to .

View Quoted Comment I have thoug he about that but my fiance said she is a people person she will keep herself intetertained among the 89 guests we have and worse case scenario she will have her tablet and headphones

View Quoted Comment That's what I told her and she said she would look but could guarentee that she would find one which probably means she wont look until right before because she is a huge procrastinator

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Either start looking for her (because you can't wait for people to take care of their own business), or she's not invited. Plain and simple. Don't cave on the 9 kids because your sister is immature and refuses to find a babysitter with TWO YEARS NOTICE.

OMG which set came first? I am so curious lol

I think that you are completely right, 8 kids how on earth will she be able to keep an eye on them which will lead your mom or other family members to help and make it a daycare instead of a wedding... I am all for leaving the kids home I am sorry... I guess you have to consider your sister not coming, even though I think a sister declining to get a babysitter is sadder than a sister asking for the kids to stay home... I think maybe she should have her mother in law watch the 2 sets of twins and maybe another in law or sitter to watch the quints... either way there is plenty of time for her to figure something out.. maybe you can help find a sitter?

View Quoted Comment It was one set of twins then the quints then the last set of twins and we have found someone one of her work friends use to be in daycare before becoming a teacher and she said she will watch them all thanks for all the advise