Kids at engagement party but not wedding?

Personally I think it’s odd to invite anyone, kids included, to a party celebrating an event they won’t be included in. I also don’t really know that a cocktail style party is an appropriate place for kids to begin with and agree with your FH that they’ll likely be bored and on their phones the whole time.

How old are these kids? I agree with the above that "cocktail party" isn't the right vibe for them, so I just wouldn't worry about it

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2 under 10, 1 boy in 6th grade, 3-4 teens under 18. Maybe I'll put just the parents address on the invites and if they bring their kids then fine but if not even better? I don't want to specifically say no kids on the invites - hopefully the parents will understand that a cocktail party might not be appropriate for kids??

If their parents are invited to the wedding and its an adults only wedding I don’t see the issue with having the kids there. They’ll have fun and are not aware of all the etiquette surrounding weddings. Maybe address invitation to “The X Family” and they can decide.

I would not invite anyone to a pre wedding event in which they were not invited to the wedding. Even children have feelings. In addition, your typical engagement party happens long before wedding invites go out. Would these parents even know at your E party that the kids are not invited to the wedding? Will they get upset later to find that out?

Finally, if you were having a cocktail party normally, would you invite anyone under the drinking age to it?

I don't think kids should be an exception to this rule when the rule was created in order to prevent hurt feelings and misunderstanding. If you invite them to the engagement party, I think you will just be making it harder for yourself later, when you don't invite them to the wedding. People will be confused and annoyed and cause you issues.

I would just skip inviting them to the party since they won't be invited to the wedding. I agree with others, a cocktail style party really isn't the atmosphere for the age groups you mentioned, and if I was a parent, I'd rather leave my kids at home. Like you mentioned, they will more thank likely be on their phones and devices being bored lol, so I'd save you the trouble and them some boredom and just make it an adults only event.