KWR: celebrating birthdays (and other events) as an adult

I should add that my parents are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum (not making a big fuss over little life events), so I know that my normal isn't average, which is why I'm curious to hear from you all. Also, since I'm a Halloween baby, my birthday was never just MY day...I've always had to share it and deal with my friends having other commitments, not being able to celebrate on THE exact day, etc. It's just not a big deal to me, but I know I'm weird.

In my family we always have a special meal on our birthday, whether homemade or going out to eat. FH and I do the same for one another. I love planning parties, so I usually do the dinner thing on his actual bday and then on the weekend plan a party where friends and everyone to get together (no presents or birthday cake). For new jobs my parents do something special, if it is a big deal thing. And new apartment no, new house yes we do something.

ETA: Clarification

I know what you mean, my birthday is the day before Valentines day. Lots of ppl forget they're so caught up in lovey-dovey day, I am use to it.

I honestly say LET THEM HAVE IT. I tell my FH this all the time about his family (I am way more family oriented then he is, and he doesn't mind spending the holidays w/o family. One Christmas break he actually went to Vegas alone... not my idea of Christmas at all, I feel like Vegas is there everyday, this is family). BUT I lost 3 of the closest family members in 16 months time. Both my parental grandparents and my 39-year old uncle. I know its cliche but they won't be around forever.

I don't know. I think it is nice to be able to celebrate even as we get older (maybe that is just the young child in me, though). FH, FBIL, and FSIL are all December babies, so his family likes to have one large dinner with all of them (and SO) to celebrate....although I haven't seen the kid's really do anything for the parents' birthdays. FH never really had big parties growing up since his birthday is so close to Christmas, so I like to make it a fact to buy him a sweet little gift, and make it a special day for him as well.

For my family, I like to take my parent's out to dinner, and spend the full day with them doing whatever they chose on their birthday....and if they happen to have plans on the actual day (or it is during the work week), we always celebrate whenever they are available.

Haha I think my FH probably feels the way you do!

I have a big family and we have alot of family gatherings & parties.

For bdays we usually do a family dinner (just parents & siblings & SOs) unless its a milestone bday. FH and I have actually started planning trips on our bdays so we havent been around on our last bdays.

I think its nice to celebrate and mostly just get the time to be together, though I could totally see how it would get overwhelming

@Future_Flaherty, I like the one big party for the month's bdays. My FILs have 3 birthdays within the same month, and I don't think they would ever consider combining any of them haha I guess it just seems less special since they go out ALL the time. Aside from life events, they take us out to dinner several times a month for no reason at all. Yes, I know, boo-fucking-hoo -- the worst thing about my FILs is that they want to wine and dine us constantly. I just can't imagine having the energy for that in 10 years! I think FH and I will start a new tradition of having everyone over for lowkey dinners instead lol

My family is like your FH's family. We go out for every birthday and every accomplishment. We're all very close & we genuinely want to celebrate these things with eachother. We actually didn't do this when we were younger because the expenses would've been all on my parents (since we were obviously too young to work) and it would be too much. Now that we're all adults is when we started doing this. My FH loves it because his family never really celebrated things. He wasn't even used to celebrating holidays in a big way because his family was so small.

There's always been dinners at least for both sides. Minus FH and I. We get one meal together only because our bdays are two days apart, which is fine!

Haha, I can relate. Ive saisd this before but I was brought up as an only child of a single parent (Mom and Dad divorced when I was 8). And my my has mental health issues. So everything except for Thanksgiving and Christmas pretty much went by without much fuss. Now FH comes from the Beaver Cleaver family. Parents married for some 60 odd years, 2 boys, one girl, all succesful and married long term with grandbabies AND they all like eachother!! Lol. They get together for every single holiday, every life event in their parents lives i.e. anniversary, birthday, she pooped today...oops was that too much? Lol. I like hanging out with his family, but i putthe brakes on for Easter and said we were staying home...and he did....and he liked it! I also refused to go to the triple grandkid one year old birthday party. He went and said i had to work. Whatever! We are still working on a good balance of his family time. :-)

My birthday is Christmas Eve. Your FMIL doesn't even know. (;

We find any excuse to party :-) especially during the summer.

Birthdays now seem to just be: let's go to our favorite restaurant. But that's just me and FH, no one else because we are usually low key. I usually just like having a birthday cake and that's all I would need.

I know friends that like to go out and party and we'll do that every so often, but that's just not our cup of tea. I think it's just to each their own.

My family doesn't live anywhere near me and my husband's family is also quite a distance away.

Needless to say, our birthdays are spent with each other and pretty much no one else. In fact, this birthday, I'll be on a business trip with a coworker I am not a big fan of.

They're just days to me. We celebrate when we're together. Maybe it would be nice if when you gave a thank you speech to the guests, you acknowledge her birthday. We did that for my husband's cousin. Our wedding day was on her birthday and after we thanked everyone for coming, we said that we were also celebrating a birthday and pointed her out.

I don't think a dinner for an adult's birthday is overkill. I generally don't make a big deal out of adults' birthdays because, I mean, it's just a birthday. But dinner and drinks are perfectly fine. I might side eye a big blow out bash for every birthday of every family member, though.

I think the bigger problem is your FMIL getting huffy about your wedding being 4 days after her birthday. Seriously, that wouldn't even be a consideration to me. I don't think you even need to wish her a happy birthday at your reception or anything because it's NOT her birthday. If your wedding actually fell on her birthday, then sure, get an extra cake and have the DJ play happy birthday. But it's 4 days later. I don't get why adults feel the need to take over an entire week for a birthday. Next time she says it, say of course we'll celebrate your birthday. On the damn day, not 4 days later.

My family and I go out to celebrate everyone's birthdays. That's just how we have always done it. Other than that we RARELY go out for dinner together. FH's family is the exact same way.

From a large family and we grew up close to maternal grandparents. Birthdays & holidays were always a big deal.

Then I moved to Sarasota and got a job in an office with a lot of other "transplants." Since none of us had family local, we would have 1 birthday party each month to celebrate for anyone who had a birthday that month.

Married into a family that didn't really celebrate much -- but, I've been working at changing that.

What exactly do you and your family consider little life events VS big life events? I think every birthday is worthy of celebrating. I love to celebrate promotions, new jobs, graduations, birthdays, etc. because they are big deals to me and I think they are worthy of a celebration. Now, I don't mean a huge bash, but going out to dinner and toasting over the accomplishment is the perfect celebration. You aren't promised another day so why not celebrate? I am aware that I am pretty alone in this line of thinking when it comes to DH and his family, heck even in my family, but I just think even little accomplisents are important.

@Faran, the day before Valentines day is also my DH's bday. It's his day/weekend so valentines doesn't exist for us anymore. He shouldn't have to share it with me, it's his day.

I come from a large extended family so birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc are always a big deal. Even as adults, we all make an effort to get together for everyone's birthday (immediate family). I was raised hearing and seeing first hand the importance that my family members placed on "family". Of course, that has its positive and negative aspects at times. But I also understand that everyone wasn't raised the same way. It took FH a little while to get adjusted to it-even now he still sometimes feels a little overwhelmed at the sheer number of people at family gatherings. Or the excuses they use to get everyone together.

Why not sing happy birthday to your FMIL during the reception? I'll bet it will make her night and you can give her a little thrill? (assuming she wouldn't be mortified?)