KWR: Moving in together before marriage?

We've lived together for about three years (four by the time we're married). I also didn't see the point of getting married since we've been living together and with each other so long BUT after being engaged, there's a whole different aspect to it.

I love that I know how we work together as a team. Splitting household chores and working things out together. Personally, i feel like I'd need to live with someone before marriage.

So what's the point to getting married? Not really sure. I'm just excited I know I have this lifelong partner to go thru shit with and everyone else acknowledges it.

Sorry that might not be any help.

If you think the only benefit of marriage is living together then maybe you should just live together and not get married.

I don't think I would ever consider marrying anyone without having lived with them first. That being said FH and I will have lived together for over 3 years when we get married. What if your completely incompatible once your married!? Yikes!

Me and FH have been together 5 years, living together for 4 - I would absolutely recommend it to anyone getting married. You learn so much about the habits/quirks of the other person that you just would have no clue of otherwise- and the long term living together hasn't dulled the excitement of getting married in the slightest.

I was one of those people who always imagined myself only living with my person after we got married. My FH bought a house while we were dating (3 months in) and he was always in the camp that believes in cohabitation before marriage. He asked me to move in shortly after the closing and I was not sure what to do. After thinking it over I decided to do it. This was the best decision I made (besides the ones leading to finding FH). It was hard at first, and we really did argue a lot. But we have both grown SO much. I also think that living together gives you chances to actively love each other in a small and large ways that helps build your bond. I really love being in the same home together and I am still very much looking forward to marriage because it just solidifies our commitment. I would encourage you to do it.

I thought I knew everything about my FH before we lived together. I stayed with him for a few weeks at a time. We had been dating for a few years. To my surprise, after we moved in together, I found out how much more I really had to learn!

The thing is, getting married is a huge change and takes a lot of getting used to. Moving in together is a huge change and takes a lot of getting used to. It depends on the couple if they want to sort through one major change at a time, or dive in and knock both out at once. I think that taking on one at a time is a whole lot less stressful.

I definitely recommend it. We never had any fights related to living together, but we did fight before that about who was staying over at who's house. We had never really talked about living together and then my roommates had to move suddenly and I couldn't afford to live alone. I moved in with him and his roommates even though we had only been together a little over a year. It's been three years and I don't regret it at all!

ETA: For the record, it's just us now, no roommates.

Living with FH before we were engaged was important to me. We both never lived with a SO before and felt very serious about where our relationship was going and it felt like a natural next step. This created a really strong foundation for us in our relationship. My parents were not happy, but I pay my own bills and do everything very independently so I simply said no pay, no say. They finally understood how important it was to us and let it go- as for getting married, it is the next step in our commitment to each other not an excuse to live together.

I'm so glad that my FH and I live together before we are married. I can't imagine having to learn all the shit he does to irk the hell outta me after marriage. I would have been in total shock! lol I absolutely can not wait to marry him so he can annoy me forever tho haha!

Typically (and I don't know if this is the case for your family or not) the idea of "living in sin" revolves around the idea of premarital sex being a big no no. If you bought a home together, you could always sleep in separate rooms to appease the family beforehand (or have one of you continue to live in their current lodgings and move in after the wedding).

Both sets of parents (FHs and mine) have been through a divorce (or three, in my father's case), and no one gave us a hard time about living together partially because of this. Its all sugary goodness when you're dating and you can go home and miss your significant other, but will you be able to have him in your space 24/7 and not lose your cool? Will he leave dirty clothes all over the floor and drive you up the wall? Will your TV habits have him cringing? Society makes this huge deal about getting married, but in reality its simply a large party with family and friends and whatever deity you find comfort in. Nothing -should- change after the wedding, but oftentimes things do because the person you thought you knew isn't nearly as glamorous when they're completely in their comfort zone.

Clearly, I'm all for living together before marriage. FH and I have been living together for almost seven years at this point, and I would often stay at his place before that. I know all the things he can do to get under my skin, and I also know exactly what his expectations our and what our routine is. We're both going into this with the understanding that we love each other as much today as we will the day of and the day after our wedding.

FH and I have been living together for 5 years (dating six) and I can't be more excited to get married. You don't lose the enthusiasm. And now we know each other so much better and can avoid the difficulty of getting to know each other's living habits after the wedding.

Yep, you should definitely move in together if it's what you both are ready to do. I've been living with my FH for 1.5 years now and it strengthened our relationship and bonded us more as a couple. I'm so glad we did that first because it allowed us time to adjust without all the wedding craziness and trying to figure everything out afterwards. I'm such a strong believer in the "trial run," no matter how harsh it might sound to some, because it shows you exactly what your wedded life will be like and gives you an easier out if things truly don't end up working out. You just never know.

That being said, I'm so excited to be married! It's another stepping stone to the life FH and I want together and I'm beyond thrilled.

Now, if you're like my sister, you'll say that moving in together and figuring everything out together after the wedding is more romantic and will bond you together more because you're starting from scratch together. That's her opinion and the way she wants to do it and that's totally fine too. It's really all in the way you look at it and what you're expecting.

Moving in together can cause "kinks" in a relationship. There are a lot of new conflicts that can arise. I think it's best to move in together before you're married. Give yourself the best head start you can.

FH and both lived with people previously and it didn't work out. Our first couple of months were rough because we had lived on our own for so long by ourselves, then the next year we had a newborn who changed our relationship again.

There are challenges and changes in your relationship, living together is one of them. Personally, I would want to make sure I was compatible with the person I was marrying before marrying them.

What's the point of getting married??!!! Living together is NOT AT ALL the same thing as the lifelong commitment of marriage!!!! Not to mention the legalities of being the next of kin, being each other's beneficiary, being able to be on the same insurance, etc.

Living together teaches you SO much about the other person, things you didn't even know you didn't know! DH and I moved in together about 8 months into our relationship and it was the best choice for us, both for our relationship and financially. We actually even bought our home 2 years before we even got engaged! I would never have done it another way, because it made us so close and made us true PARTNERS. You work out the division of labor, finances, and the every day nuances of life that honestly you really can't unless you live together. We knew that we could be partners in life for the rest of our lives. It cemented that marriage was the next best thing for our relationship, it didn't make marriage less special or important!

We lived together for I think 5 years before our wedding.

We didn't live together before the wedding, we were long distance until 2 months before. Of course we've had to adjust to living together, but we have not had any real issues.

I'm not saying don't do it, but if you are this close to the wedding without living with one another I'd say wait!!! I live FH and have for about 5 years... but there is something special about walking over the threshold for the first time as a married couple. You are so close... it's not like your wedding is years down the road. Take this time to focus on you, him, and your special day. Enjoy each moment rather than cluttering it up with other tasks and steps. That's just my opinion...

You need to live together before marriage. Living with someone is so different than staying with them a bit. Plus what a great thing to be able to do buy a house and have your wedding being planned! Congrats on the new job.

I am also on the side that thinks living together before marriage is very important. There's more pressure and change with getting married and moving in together at the same time. DH and I lived together for a year and a half before we got married. We learned each other's habits and routines, we adjusted to function as a unit, and fell into roles and new habits naturally. And I feel we could do that naturally because there was no permanent commitment, we *wanted* to instead of *needed* to. If that makes sense.

I know it's still only two weeks married, but it hasn't changed our living dynamic at all. We laugh about how nothing has changed other than the legal commitment and my name. There was definitely a point to getting married though; we have the legal and financial benefits of it, we're planning to start a family, and it was an intimate, important commitment for us to make. And we were more comfortable living as "husband and wife."