Last minute bridemaids

You may respond back that you are happy to be alongside her at the ceremony but you may not be in a situation to do much beyond that. If there are any other desired activities, you would have to decide on those one she shares with you any additional expectations. Ask her what she is hoping for. Then try to enjoy whatever you end up doing.

View Quoted Comment Already thanked her and hope I don't get left out. Thank you

As your title states, sounds like you're a last minute bridesmaid. Often people do that if someone drops out, to keep sides even. Hope that's not the case here, but I don't blame you for having some bad feelings about it. It's not polite to replace wedding party members for exactly this reason.

It does get odd to keep the number of attendants the same on both sides. In this case, the late invite as a bridesmaid suggests you would fill in an empty spot. But since you have not met the bride, you just are helping out and not simply the bride's friend who did not get selected the first time. That is when people usually are upset. So, again, just do this as a favor and make the best of it. Maybe you will be friends after that. You will be in their wedding pictures for a long time.

It’s rude to treat anyone like a prop whether you know them or not, and also rude to have someone else ask you rather than do it yourself. She sent you a message? Really? Regardless, if you’re very close to the family you can consider intent. Some people are just very clueless or misinformed. Even sides are not something to pursue if you don’t happen to have them naturally.


If you’ve agreed to join the bridal party regardless, ask for the bride to contact you and what will be involved. If it’s anything more than buying or wearing the appropriate dress, showing up for rehearsal if possible, arriving on time for photos and helping the bride out in small ways day of then I’d back out.

View Quoted Comment Just went for the first try on for the dress if live in another city about an hour away I think i said yes because that close family member asked and i know them for so much time I would have certanly upset the entire family if I have said no, i think the brides is gonna pay for the dresses not sure thow. At lest they came and drived me for the dress fitting. I know breffly one other bridesmaid from the wedding party. No one else in my family thinks it s rude for me to be asked as a backup.

View Quoted Comment

I hope you enjoy the experience and get to know the bride really well.

It really is considered poor etiquette to replace wedding party members, because they are supposed to be people that the wedding couple wants to honour in their lives. Which by definition should be irreplaceable. None of this is on you though! Like anything else, someone's social environment will affect that, and it sounds like your family is OK with it.

It’s usually frowned on for the bride to pick last minute replacements to make numbers even. Because people know when they are asked last minute to do anything as a replacement: bridesmaid, B list guest, and so on. It sends the message that you are not as important to the couple as you are led to believe. Some brides view their attendants/friends as replaceable and that they are doing you a favor by “upgrading” to a bridesmaid as a consolation when you might not have even made to the basic guest list. It’s because some brides see regular guests as being the lowest of the low and not an honor at all.


I would not be comfortable accepting a replacement bridesmaid position. Attend as a guest or decline the invitation.

Honestly I think some families have Aunties that offer their own solutions to mismatched wedding parties by offering up good family friends or relatives who are cute, easy going, and most importantly around the age of the couple. It's not meant to offend anyone. They are just caught in old traditions of matching numbers. I've seen this before. I think unless the Bride is against this or is rude to you or the other wedding party members are rude to you, it's no big deal. They should not expect anything more from you than to get the dress altered to fit you and show up on wedding day. Take some pictures. Be pleasant with other guests. Go to the rehearsal the night before if it fits in your schedule. Anything more like bach parties, showers are asking too much from you. You don't even know the Bride and shouldn't feign intimacy anyway. If they ask, say simply you have other plans already. Their emergency isn't your emergency. BTW, it's best not to ask what happened to the replaced person (if any) as that may cloud the vibe with negativity. Go have fun.

And BTW, I don't think it's rude for the Bride to send you a message. There are generations that only text. Phone calls are seen as rude without a text introduction. No one picks up a call from an unknown caller. Hope you and the couple have a good time on the dancefloor.