Last minute elope

Are a lot of those people traveling? Have they already made arrangements and taken time off? Can you afford to cover those costs if they did? I think if you’re honest people will understand, but you can’t change how people feel or act- only how you react to those people. If they get offended, let them be offended. Do what’s right for you and your FH.

Since it seems like you are getting married next month, I will assume most of your stuff is paid for. How much $$ will you lose?

Since it’s so close I would keep your plans. Limit communication with people and if someone brings up the wedding clearly tell them you don’t want to discuss it.

I had an issue with people asking too many questions and I really had to take a stand and shut it down. I don't answer certain phone calls and I take hard stops between different tasks. Sometimes, you may be focusing on too many things at the same time. If you keep going going going with wedding planning stuff, you will get overwhelmed.
If you truly want to cancel the eedding, be sure you understand how much money you may lose based on deposits already put down and any payments that you will still have to make due to contractual obligations. If you're ok with the financial loss and the disappointment of not having a wedding (especially from your guests), go ahead and cancel. The wedding should be about you and your fiance. Good luck!!

I think it's important to remember at the end of the day it's about you and your FH. You have to decide what's best for you and those that you invited that loves and supports you guys will understand. There is an alternative to the madness. You could get married at the courthouse and just have a small celebration with cake and punch. That way there's no huge fuss and very minimum planning

I think if you do that, it will be even more questions and hurt feelings than what you are dealing with now. I understand your reasoning but I really think it will add to your stress rather than decrease it. I would just politely let your SIL know that, though she probably thinks she's sharing your excitement, it's actually stressing you and you'd rather not answer the questions. I can't tell you what will be right for you in the end, but if I were in your shoes right now I'd put my head down, not answer non-critical phone calls, and power through it.

Definitely tell SIL that you are stressed and want to talk about things that aren't wedding related. Who knows, maybe she'll offer her help to aid in easing your stress.

I'd still have the wedding. You are so close. But I'm also the type that loved looking out over our guests and seeing how much everyone was enjoying themselves.

As for people asking if they are invited, take a deep breath and realize they are the ones being rude. Just keep saying it's a small family wedding. If they are offended, that's on them.

Let people be offended you can't cater to everyone's feelings. I would tell your sister in law how you're feeling and that you just need her to chill. Try and focus on what's important about this upcoming day. I think you might feel more stressed at this point if you have to cancel on everyone.

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Only two are traveling and one is my dad who decided to drive, and the other is my best friend and I already plan to cover her plane ticket. No one else even knew the date because all the invitations got lost in the mail. Either way I will offer to pay for any expenses occurred.

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I haven't thought about how much money we will lose because its already gone. We do have about $3k more that we will have to spend, so I'm just looking at the savings right now lol.

Yesterday we were out to dinner with FH's family and they kept asking questions and FH could see it on my face that I wasn't feeling it, so he told them to change the subject and they still kept going, and asking "Why do we have to change the subject? Aren't you excited about your wedding?" Then right back to the game of a million questions.

Idk. Me personally, when I can tell someone is uncomfortable I stop. Or I at least ask them if its okay that I keep doing whatever i'm doing.

It isn't a huge event. Its been very low key. We only have talked to a couple of people about the wedding and plans in general, so the people we'd be cancelling on, wouldn't even know its being cancelled really because they never got their invites to go in the first place.

Sorry to hear that! I feel like I’m in a similar situation. I’m only inviting 15 people, immediate family and close relatives. No friends, except my best friend of 20 years (whom all my relatives know).
I’ve had friends ask me if they could come to my wedding since I started dating my FH!!
At the end of the day, its about what you want and what you won’t regret in 10-20 years.
We were originally just going to have immediate family so our parents and officiant. BUT I always wanted to walk down the aisle and be surrounded by my close loved ones.
So after much argument and negotiations, we’ve settled to have no more than 20 people max at our wedding. I’m sad not to invite everyone but I’m happy with this decision because down the line, I know I’ll regret it.
Even though people may give you a hard time, in the end they will move on. Its your wedding day and not theirs!
I hope you come to a good decision for you!!

That is so bizarre about the invites! I get losing one or two, but to have all of them get lost in the mail is just crazy.

I understand wanting to get married with just your FH, that’s what I wanted. But FH wanted his family there, so we planned a little wedding just like yours. I will say that even though it was stressful and a lot of money, I wouldn’t change it. It was so incredibly nice to have everyone there (25 of us, including us and the officiant) but to have it also be just family and super close friends. But it sounds like for you, your Future IL’s are not respecting boundaries or taking the hint. You are going to have to learn how to set them sooner or later (cause if you happen to have kids, they will just get worse) so maybe you can look at it like that?

And also maybe instead of paying your best friend back and not having her there, you could use that money for a month of coordinator to finish up all the stuff that is driving you crazy and not letting you enjoy the process? I’m only suggesting these things because I’d imagine being this close you would lose a lot of money, and you may regret not having at least a few people close to you there to celebrate with you.

Either way I wish you luck. Just remember to breath.

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Most venues will make you pay for the balance of the bill if you are so close to your wedding. They consider that balance "lost money" since it's money they were anticipating and they did not have enough time to book something in it's place to make up the lost funds. So for me, that would be the deciding factor.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I get that you are stressed out and I really don't blame you, however, I would try to picture the fallout of canceling. Even if people aren't traveling far, they have still made plans to attend, may have bought an outfit, etc. I'm not saying I think you should cater to them or any arrangements they have made, but just something to keep in mind if people are upset. I would have FH talk to his parents about badgering you guys with questions and FSIL.

Personally do it the way u planned it. Its a month away and tell ppl its only immediate family they should understand dont get urself all stressed out about it. If they dont then thats on them. I have so many ppl asking me if they are invited and i barely talk to them. So i get it do the small wedding and relax. It will all work out.

I would really just suggest taking some deep breaths and enjoying the event that you have planned. I understand that you're stressed and having a hard time being excited, but I think we all get to that point where we don't want to hear "how's wedding planning going?" anymore. Most of us are stressed, and as a sufferer of social anxiety, I cringe any time anyone asks me about the wedding or if they're invited. We've had to have awkward "sorry, no you aren't invited" and "sorry, but no your kids can't come" and we have to deal with that as a result of our venue choice. But, I remember how awesome the day is going to be and continue to push through, trying to bring the positivity and happiness to the surface. In the end, it's about you and your future spouse. You have one month to go, just sit back and try and enjoy it!

An elopement won't be any less offensive to those who are going to be offended. People will choose to be upset or understanding, and unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it. I am sorry you have had and may have to continue to deal with people who chose not to be understanding and supportive. In the end, will you and FH regret doing an elopement? Will you wish you had done the wedding you planned, but just minimized the stress? Or will you be so happy to have gone that route? Make this decision based on what will make you and FH happiest. Best of luck. I know it is a hard spot you are in.