Late guests

We were talking about this today at brunch. A friend of mine admitted to assuming the wedding she went to wasn't going to start on time. So (though she could have arrived early) she figured she would be right on time when she showed up 30mins late to the ceremony. And she missed it! I honestly am shocked when weddings start on time. That's

the norm I'm used to (not sure if it's cultural, social circles, etc.). With that said, I am very concerned about folks showing up intentionally late to my wedding.

I'm guessing if there was a lot of people walking in "late", it's because they were invited to join the reception after dinner. I've been to a couple weddings where people were not invited to the ceremony or dinner but just the dance and to eat cake with the couple later in the night. I'm sure some would think it's rude but I think it's a way couples can kind of include extra guests like coworkers.

Was the wedding you attended an ethnic one? It is standard in my culture to arrive around 8:30 or 9pm for a wedding (and dinner is served around that time), even if it starts at 6pm...it's just the way it is, and for my parent's generation that will not change. My gen is more prompt bc we grew up in the States and understand that weddings are handled differently here. It's come to the point where it is a regular and accepted thing to make phone calls to family members who are still in the "back home" mentality. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to add something to my website about "dinner starting promptly at 7" bc that sounds a little pompous (I've definitely seen it)...but my parents will casually mention it to their relatives to make sure they arrive in time for dinner since it won't be a 9:00pm meal.

If your circle is not similar in that regard, then I wouldn't say anything and just let it be. It's not that serious.

@cakewalk82 that's incredibly rude. It's called a tiered wedding/reception and it's considered rude, regardless of the reason.

No Elizabeth, it's not in most cases. Private ceremonies and bigger receptions are fine. It's the other way around that doesn't fly.

That being said, if you're going to have a 'private' ceremony, it shouldn't be 3/4 of your recepetion guests.

Honestly, either things happen or they previously stated it and you as a guest wouldn't know. The only "control" we had was right before the professional 5 people arrived late. Our wedding planner held them back until it was finished and then found them seats. That's the time I think having them stopped in necessary. We have 4 people who were only going to be able to make it to dinner which was 2.5 hours after the ceremony. I knew this and to be honest I never even noticed it. I was running from ceremony to picture to dinner to toasts... I didn't have time.

Things happen, don't lock them out.

On our ww website it says, "Due to heavy road construction in the area, please arrive at least 30 minutes prior to the ceremony to park, sign our guest book & to be seated!" No joke, there is SO much road construction everywhere and because people will be from out of state, they would have no idea until they were in the thick of it. By then, it's too late.

I've been to quite a few weddings where I'm the only one there at the start time. I loathe this, "invitation says X, but you should just magically know that what we really mean is 'Y hours after X is when it really starts.'" It's super rude. If it's a cultural thing, definitely let your guests who aren't in that culture know the true start time so that they're not sitting in their car for 2 hours waiting for somebody, anybody, else to show up.

Yes, walking into the middle of a ceremony would be rude. Walking in during a first dance or cake cutting, though?

@Celia read the post in question. She says "I've been to a couple weddings where people were not invited to the ceremony or dinner but just the dance and to eat cake with the couple later in the night."

The guests were not invited to the reception. They were invited to dance AFTER dinner with the couple. That is, by definition, a tiered reception. If we were talking about inviting people to the full reception and not the ceremony, that's fine (though again, it's a line), but inviting people after dinner while others were invited to the entire reception is just rude by most standards.

@Elizabeth Okay gotcha. That's horribly rude. It's kind of mind boggling that anyone would do that and anyone would accept.

@@steffany; it's all rude. If someone goes to the expense of inviting you, very often cutting someone else off the guest list, you should be on time. I see enough of this that I highly doubt EVERYONE has another engagement beforehand or an emergency.

It just seems to me that the courtesy of the guests has eroded at a direct proportion to the escalating attention to detail (and rising prices) by the hosts.

The only excuse for someone being late is heavy unexpected traffic or a personal emergency.

Tiered receptions? Awful, rude, and evidence of a gift grab. How does a normal individual decide that it's perfectly fine to invite some people to the ceremony and reception, and some people to attend after the dinner plates have been cleared? If they were honest, this would be the language on the invitation:

On Saturday, April 30, 2016,

Miss Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith

will be married at The Garden of Eternal Vows.

You're not invited to attend.

A cocktail hour will immediately follow.

You're not invited to attend.

Dinner, dancing, and cocktails will immediately follow the cocktail hour.

You're not invited to attend.

Two hours later, at approximately 8:30 PM, staff will have cleared the dinner plates of the honored guests.

At that point, you're invited to attend.

Dessert will follow.

Gifts appreciated.

Let's do away with the sugary whitewash. Everyone is invited to the entire event, or they aren't bothered with a "give us a gift and we'll give you a piece of cake and a beer" invitation. Gross.

@Elizabeth, I was just saying that I'm assuming that's probably what happened since several people came in as late as they did. I did not say I was doing it or that I'm okay with it. I just know that it happens and it usually happens to be coworkers and friend of friends that come later.

Our wedding is at 5, but our invitations will say 4:30. I'm a stickler for time and will avoid being late at all cost! No-one will be allowed in once the ceremony starts because it's disruptive. they are welcome to come to the reception after. I just don't want any distractions during the ceremony.

I have a cousin that is known for coming 1 to 2 hours late to events. Her own family had to purposely tell her a earlier time to come to a birthday party just to make sure she showed up on time. Do I know if I invite her it's just the consequence. Just enjoy your day.

Obviously there's a lot of different circumstances here, if you're late because of traffic or an emergency, I understand. However that's not the norm. For people who are chronically late (FHs family) it's simply because they don't have a sense of urgency, nor do they appreciate the importance of an event. It just shows a lack of regard, and that's not ok for a wedding. We made room for you on the guest list, and you rsvpd yes, it's not that hard to be on time. I wouldn't lock them out, but it would definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth. Judging from all the drama we hear about on WW, I think it's safe to say you CANT always trust adults to be adults, sadly.... So a verbal reminder to be on time prob won't be enough. I don't think there's much you can do, unfortunately

I was locked out of a wedding just this past Friday. I had to drive in the remnants of tropical storm Nicole. With horrible traffic and rainy wet roads I managed to get to my hotel in enough time to shower and get dressed for the wedding. However once arrived I was told I cannot enter until the reception. I was beyond furious as this was my cousins wedding and the wedding planner that locked me out was so rude. I never intended to be late but with weather conditions and accidents along the way it pushed back my arrival time. It took everything in me to walk back to the door to see if the reception started to only be greeted by no one or provide direction as to where to sit . It was definitely a disaster I made my way to the bar had a couple drinks to calm my nerves and made the best of it. But I would never ever put such a horrible call to action in place for any event. Appreciate the effort and time spent that guest put towards attending your special day as I know both sides do a lot to prepare. But I will never put a call to action for a wedding. Needless to say my gift stayed the car.