Lazy Bridesmaid Problems?

Honestly, I understand why you feel this way but you need to try and let it go. It sounds like in the past you have been a really great bridesmaid to other people so I think it's normal to want/expect the same thing back, but unfortunately it doesn't always work that way. No one is ever going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. They still have their own lives going on and unfortunately, I have seen it myself with some of my girls, they're too caught up in their own stuff (work, school, etc.) to really care about the wedding. At the end of the day, it's your wedding to plan and their only real job is to be there the day of to support you. I get why you're hurt, I've felt the same way at one point about some of my girls but once I learned to just let it go and focus on myself and everything I need to do for the wedding, I didn't care as much anymore. Focus on the people who do care and seem excited (maybe your FH, moms, MOH, etc.) and have them help you with stuff.

ETA: You're also still a good amount out from the day. I would not expect your bridal shower or bach to be planned yet. My girls just planned those and I am less than 3 months out. I would back off a little until it gets a little closer. You have time and maybe they feel like it's still far away so once it gets closer they will step up.

Sorry to here this, you may have to take the weight of the needs for your big day. What about any close family members who can help you and be by your side more?

I have BMs who are the same but I knew and expected that prior to choosing them so It's no big deal to me. I'm also ok with planning on my own as well (with that being said)...

Also maybe your mom, aunts, grand parents etc can also step in ...

The only way to deal with this is to stop stressing. Your girls have the information they need for their dress. Your part is done. Leave the rest up to them, they know what they have to do to have their dress for your wedding. They still have plenty of time, so really..stop worrying over this.

As far as them not being attentive, supportive, excited...etc., I get it. But this is honestly more common than you think. Sucks, yeah, but realistically people aren't very involved in our weddings. The ONLY thing my bridesmaids have been involved in is when we picked out their dress and my MOH is planning a bachelorette for me. That is it. No one checks in on me and asks how planning is going....nothing. It's disappointing because we wan't so much more, but they have their own busy lives. They will be there for us on the day, and that is what matters most. I had to ask my mom if she'd throw me a bridal shower (embarrassing, I know, but no one offered and I really wanted one).

The closer your wedding gets, like 3 months or less, people will show more interest.

A lot of people on her will say that a bridesmaids only job is to buy a dress and show up to your wedding. I tend to disagree with that as I feel like they should def be there for you leading up to the wedding, even if just to give advice. It's way more fun to have someone to talk to about wedding stuff or have someone to help you! Also I know it can be frustrating when you are willing to go the extra mile for them, but they aren't for you, I'm sorry! I know this isn't what you want to hear but maybe change your expectations of them so you don't get so disappointed. Nobody is going to be excited about your wedding as you. If you want something to change, you might need to have a little chat with them and just say something like you had hoped they would be more involved with planning with you so you could spend some girl time together, etc.

In regards to ordering the dresses, did the bridal shop you are ordering from (if that's what you are doing) tell you how long the dresses take to come in? Honestly, I would give them a date the dresses need to be ordered by and put it on them to get it taken care of. Stop letting them tell you when they are going to order. My problem bridesmaid needs to get her dress hemmed and it's still hanging in a closet at my house and she has yet to ask for it or tell me when she needs it for my May 11th wedding. At this point, if she wants to trip over a dress that is too long, that's her problem.

My wedding is in October as well and all Ive done is emailed my bridesmaids once and let them know the color and style of dress I would like them to get. None responded to my email and I did not expect them to. None of my events have been planned yet either and I think its a bit early for that. Bacially I don't plan on speaking to them about the wedding again until like June/July (If they haven't let me know they got a dress yet).

I know it can be hard, but I wouldn't stress about the bridesmaids stuff yet! You have enough to stress about and this is something you still have PLENTY of time with. I also would try to lower your expectations on their "help". Its easy to set yourself up for disappointment in that aspect and that way, if they do offer any help it would be a nice much appreciated surprise!

It’s super weird that bridesmaids get like that, especially since they are your “ nearest and dearest” so you expect them to check in on you even if you weren’t getting married. I think it’s natural to feel unimportant to them when they aren’t even being a friend and checking in even if it’s not about the wedding. Just keep doing you and hopefully they’ll come around once the wedding gets closer! I’m a little over 3 months out and my MOH talks to me about the wedding everyday, I don’t even text her first. She also has 3 kids and works 48hrs a week. She knows this is important to me and I love that she makes it known that I am important to her. She also is planning me a bomb bridal shower next month! Maybe have a talk with them.

"No one cares about your wedding as much as you do." That's what they say around here, and after over a year of planning myself, I agree. Not saying it's not unfortunate, it's just the truth. Everyone has other things going on. As you said, two of your bridesmaids are having babies due before your wedding. It's a huge life change, so I'm sure that is what they are focused on right now. It's not that no one cares, it's just that everyone has other big things in their life, just like you have this wedding to plan.

As for the logistics: they aren't required to help you plan anything, and are not required to throw you a bachelorette party or bridal shower. I know it sucks to hear, but it's just sort of how it is. In regards to the dresses, there is no forcing them to order. All you can do is hope they get it done in time. If they don't, they attend as guests. It's rude for them to be completely disregarding your texts to them, but as I'm sure you know, you can't force them to answer either.

I totally understand your feelings. I am also that friend that will move mountains for other people. But not everyone is like that, and that is something you have to be okay with. I know all of this is frustrating since it's out of your control. But that's exactly why you should continue to "go with the flow".

I got married October 6th last year and no one started planning my shower or bachelorette until June. I also had girls not order their dresses until August and September. Everyone had their dresses on the day of the wedding. So I think it’s a little early for this stuff. But I also never texted about wedding stuff I only kept up our normal friendships.

You’re correct that you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Your expectations are tremendously high. You’ve planned your wedding by yourself because your future spouse isn’t doing their part. There’s two people getting married here, none of your bridesmaids are those two people. All of the planning and decision making is up to you and your FS. You decided to get married and throw a party. Your friends have their own lives. They’re pregnant and having babies for goodness sake. They have other priorities.

No one is required to throw you parties. It’s great if they offer, but you shouldn’t be asking someone to have a party for you, let alone begging.

Find out the deadline to order your bridesmaid dresses and tell your friends that deadline. That’s it. Stop chasing after them.

With worrying about them ordering dresses, I think you should ask the shop you’re getting them from when the absolute latest they’d have to order them by is, give your bridesmaids that date as a deadline, and then let it go. If they DONT get it in time, it’s up to you to make a decision: (1) tell them that you’re sorry, no hard feelings, but they can’t be in the bridal party without the dress, or (2) decide you don’t care if they have a matching dress and let them stand by you wearing something different. There’s no “right” or “wrong” answer here. Whatever feels right to you.

I also understand the disappointment. My MOH has been beyond helpful even though she lives across the country, and 2 of my bridesmaids have been great. 1 of them though, has been a bit of a disappointment too. I told my girls all they had to do was buy a dress and show up, and I seriously meant it. But this 1 bridesmaid, when I first started wedding planning (before I had even asked her to be a bridesmaid) offered to do my and my other girls’ hair and makeup (she’s a professional stylist) and went on and on about all the things she was planning to help with, giving me speeches about how she’d be there helping me with whatever I need throughout the whole process........ she literally has not done a single thing yet (I’ve been engaged since December 2017 lol) and she ghosts most of my texts. She lives an 8 hour drive away and was planning for MONTHS that she was supposed to visit in February to do a hair/makeup trial. Then last minute she cancels and reschedules to early April. Now again, last minute, she cancels and reschedules to late April. Ugh. So now I have to find a new hair stylist because I don’t trust her to come through in a month and if she doesn’t, at that point it’ll probably be too late to find someone else! I’m all for the attitude of “all you have to do is buy a dress and show up” but then don’t offer to do things that you can’t do. If she had just gone with my original expectation that all she’d have to do is show up and buy a dress, I wouldn’t be annoyed in the slightest!

Sorry, you prompted my own rant hahaha. But with your situation literally all you did ask them to do is buy a dress, so that’s beyond reasonable..... like I said, I think you’d be ok either way if you just let it go and let them wear whatever if they don’t get the right dress, or if you politely tell them they can’t be part of it without the dress.

I may have worded something wrong. I in no way expect my girls to plan my events. It's getting with them to figure out what works best for them. They all have their own lives and I understand this. That's why I'm trying to get in touch with them to figure out what's going to work so everyone can be there. I don't want them to plan any of my events. They are my closest friends and I am putting their situations first by trying to plan around their lives. As for it being "too early", it's not. If I'm planning and paying for everything, I want to know what I'm planning and paying for in advance so I can plan accordingly. I can't wait to start planning my bridal shower and bach party when I'm going to be busy with fittings, making decorations, and finalizing/paying off everything else. It's a lot for one person, as you already know. So if I can figure it out now, it will make things less stressful for me later. I also work every other weekend and one girl works every Saturday, so dates are also limited.

I walked into being a bride with zero expectations for my bridesmaids. I doubt I will be getting a bridal shower at all, as my best friend lives in Colorado, my next best friend lives in Texas and I am in Kansas. The other two bridesmaids are my future sisters-in-law and they are both busy with college. I have been planning for a year and a half and I trust my maid of honor to do all the planning as far as the bachelorette party. I set a date and I've left the rest to her.

I did have some panic back in January when none of my other girls had ordered their dresses and the website had told my maid of honor that it would take four months... but it turned out all of the dresses arrived in three weeks. As far as dresses go: just make sure they all have a deadline to order by. They won't want to look ridiculous on the day of the wedding, too, so deep breath and know that they will figure it out.

I know it seems like they maybe don't care and don't have time for you, and that's hard because you're so excited! But it is six months away, and it sounds like they have a lot going on. Give them time to get excited. I'm 67 days away and I'm only just now getting texts from my second bridesmaid about how she is excited and asking if there is anything she can do to help prepare.

Just be patient. It still feels like it's far away for them, even if you know you still have a lot to do.

If you want to say something, I would just reach out and say you're feeling stressed and were wondering if they had some time to help you with something and then schedule a DIY day with them.

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Oh and as far as picking a day for the bachelorette party, I just set a day way in advance and told people to show up. They've all put in their notice for that day to be gone.

I'm really sorry to hear that is happening to you, I'm kinda going thru the same thing, Its really hard and very stressful. I'm not sure what kind of advice to give because I haven't really done anything with my situation, but I'm here if you wanna talk or vent just send me a PM.

I agree with a lot of the other commenters that it's still really early to be fretting about that stuff. I'm getting married in June and they just set the shower stuff up last month & I actually am throwing my own bachelorette party because my MOH doesn't really know any of my other friends & we both agreed it would be easier that way.

I'm someone who gets disappointed easily & I also understand the pressure that can be put on bridesmaids almost to the point of tarnishing important friendships, which is why I chose not to have any. My MOH is the only one in my bridal party I was her MOH & we're been in each others lives since the 1st grade & she's been great about listening to me about the miniscule details because she went through this too. But also my partner & my mom have been my go tos.

This is a really exciting time and its natural for you to feel that way but I think taking a deep breath and releasing this expectation will do you wonders.

Thanks, ladies. I'll do my best to chill out. It's just so hard having everything be my responsibility and not have control over this one thing! I'm just one of those people that busts everything out so I don't have to worry about it later. And I like to sit back and relax. Ask any of my friends... I'm always early, I'm always prepared, and I'm always the go-to girl. I just need someone to be that person for me It would really help a lot.

My girls ordered their dresses in Feb/March for my May wedding. It stressed me, but I told them if they don't come in on time they will be at the wedding as a guest and left it alone.

Bridesmaids don't HAVE to plan you a shower or a bach party. That's an option for them to do. Most do, some don't. Their task is to "get a dress and show up at your wedding". Some bridesmaids aren't supportive or don't understand you need/want support. My own sister isn't the best of support, but it's life. If no one offers to throw you a shower or a party, you just don't have one. Again, I'm getting married in May and within the last two weeks we just decided on a date for each (shower and party) but nothing else has been discussed. Shower is in about three weeks.

No one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you are. It's just part of it. They may not want to listen to you talk about it because it's not a big part of THEIR life. It's still 6 months out, which is way too early to really be expecting much of them other than to look into dresses and start planning to order them.

Showers and bachelorette parties aren't something you are just entitled to as a bride. The original idea was that someone outside of your family might choose to hold one in your honor. But expecting your bridal party to automatically organize and pay for one is like expecting your college roommate to automatically organize and pay for a graduation party for you. Some will do it, but it's not something you have a right to expect.

Same with planning. Some people get really excited about planning, and jump right in. But many people find wedding planning so boring and stressful that they can barely stand to plan their own, much less help plan anyone else's.

The only thing they need to do is get their dresses and show up. And they already know that if they don't have their dresses by the day, they won't be bridesmaids. Since there is no mandatory number of bridesmaids, it's no tragedy if you discover even on the day that someone has had to drop out.

I can relate. There are some things I just had to rethink and put in the "not my problem" category. None of my bridesmaids dresses are ready, though they have all the information they need from the online vendor. The wedding is less than 3 months away. They'll figure it out.

Unfortunately MAJOR events in our lives (weddings, babies,funerals) is when we find out who is truly there for us and who will truly be there for us. Are your dresses stock or special order? If they are stock then I wouldnt worry about it and they will take 3-4weeks to come in and alterations do not take long. It also depends on the collection. I was told that my bridesmaid dresses would be in in April for a May wedding and they came in in the beginning of March so my girls had plenty of time for alterations plus 2 out of 3 dont even need anything done. Try to relax some-easier said than done...As far as a shower/bach these are nice to haves vs must haves so you may not get one, maybe someone else can throw this for you-like your mom or an aunt..but again relax, if you dont have one will it kill you?