Lazy Bridesmaid/Discontinued Dress – WHAT DO I DO?!

I agree with PPs. One of the only "jobs" a bridesmaid has is to purchase the correct dress. If she can't do that, she can be a guest.

I'd either see if my MOH wanted to switch and then get her the same dress but maybe a shade darker (so you still have the symmetry you wanted) or have your bridesmaid attend as a guest if she can't find it. Do they sell this in stores at all or is it an online only dress? Maybe some stores have moss still left, if it does sell in stores.

Just throwing this out there as a possibility: Do you think she might have not purchased the dress because she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore for some reason? I just wonder if there's a bigger issue as to why she neglected to purchase her dress on time. The excuses she offered are pretty flimsy, IMO. I think there's something else going on. PP's suggested financial, or there could be another reason she procrastinated.

Maybe a bridal salon has that dress in that color and would let you buy their sample. It may take a little bit of searching and require a lot of alterations due to her size.

If she doesn't get the dress I would have her attend as a guest. As uncomfortable that may be, she did not get the dress in time. You should not have to make anything special for her. I am betting those are excuses for financial reasons. Though it would have been decent of her if she would have been honest and said so if that is the reason so you two could work something out. Eight years ago I was asked to be a bridesmaid, the bride knew I had no money but wanted me to stand by her so she bought my dress and shoes. Now I'm getting married and I bought her bridesmaid dress, and we're working on shoes. Maybe if you can find the dress, you can buy it and work out some sort of arrangement with her. But talk to her.

Ultimately PP are right. If you found a dress everyone agreed on, gave them a date to purchase it by and they do not, it's not your job to find her another job or another dress. At this point we're knocking on January either way and if the dress is going to take 10 weeks, even if you did find it she has maybe 2 weeks to order it for your April wedding. I'd tell her, "the designer has discontinued my color for your dress so I look forward to having you attend as a guest."

@Runawaybride, I really don't think it is a malicious act on her part or her hiding anything from me as this is not the first time she's exhibited this kind of behavior. She is a notorious procrastinator and does not like to commit to things in advance. She didn't even begin planning her own wedding until about 4 months prior to her date and had allllllll kinds of etiquette disasters as a result (a wedding that I searched on short notice for a bridesmaid dress of my own that fit her approved mismatched palette). I knew going into it that she was like this, which is why I set such an advance date on the dresses AND allowed each bridesmaid to place their order on their own, despite Dessy recommending they are placed at once to ensure the same dye lot. Originally I thought this would be best for the other girls so they weren't at the mercy of a procrastinator's timeline but now I'm realizing it would have been better to order altogether so she had no choice.

It just sucks because I really did try to avoid a situation like this and tried to accommodate her lifestyle/behaviors (advanced notice, reasonably priced dress with a discount and free shipping, ease of ordering online, etc.). So to realize the lack of effort on her part is discouraging.

As many PPs have suggested, I did check into the websites and talked with people there but all they do is call the dress order into Dessy, who are the people I spoke with in the first place that told me the color had been discontinued. I do think resale or a sample is her only option, but the amount of stress and effort I've put in today just shows I cannot coordinate this for her. I'm going to think about how I want to have this conversation and leave the responsibility on her to find it or attend as a guest.

It's SO awkward though because I've already bought her bridesmaid gift, with one thing monogrammed. So do I return that stuff? Kinda weird giving someone a gift when it was to be a thank you for the effort they've put in... Also if she attends as a guest, is it like "ok well now you can't get ready with me and your other friends" or "ok you can get ready with us and hang out but step aside for pics please". Ick ick ick to all of it.

I haven't had my color or dress discontinued yet (at least that I'm aware of) but having a similar problem. My FH'S Sister will not go get her dress. I know she has problems with money every now and then. She buys things all the time that she really doesn't need. I said I would pay she just needs to go get her size. FMIL also said she would pay for it. She just needs to go get sized. It has been 3 months and she has still not gone. I know she has 3 kids but on the weekends from Friday morning until Sunday night these kids are at FMIL house. So she has free time. People including myself are willing to pay. She just won't go. It's like her brothers wedding isn't important enough. It shows she really doesn't care about our wedding what so ever. It's very heart breaking. She has absolutely no excuse why she can't go get sized. But yet we are now 3 months in and have 4 months until the wedding. All my other bridesmaids have there dresses. I don't understand it.

Sounds to me that you only have 5 bridesmaids! Possibly she didn't want to be a bridesmaid and this was her easy way out... but idk! Just thinking out loud. Just let her know she will have a spot as a guest

I just Googled the dress (because I'm nosy and wanted to see what it looked like) and I found a website: shop.bridalsbylori.com. that have that dress in moss. It's $150 and I have no idea about the site reputation, but maybe you wanna check it out.

Otherwise, I agree with PP's, either your MOH wears a different dress (which I would agree with you is unfair to her since she already has it and loves it) or she come as a regular guest. It's her own damn fault.

I just saw it on dessy.com when I googled it. Good luck!

I really do appreciate everyone's searching but I have found many search results are not accurate. For instance, when you click through the google result you are taken to the product page but Moss is not a swatch that can be selected on the Dessy site. I think it was recently discontinued so SEO search results and bridal boutiques are not up to date yet, as someone has to manually select/deselect the options in their swatch lists or drop down menus. Many bridal boutiques have it listed as an option, but when I talk with them to check all they do is call Dessy to confirm if that fabric is available, which Dessy has told me first-hand is not.

@Alyssachu, yep I think you're right. It's just so odd telling someone "ok well you'll be a guest then!" because now I'm faced with awkward social choices like: Does she get invited to the rehearsal even though she won't need to rehearse and she'll just be sitting there watching us practice? Does she get ready with everyone (the BMs are all her friends, too) and wear the matching pj set and slippers and take getting ready photos but then duck off to the side when we put our dresses on? If she gets ready with us, what does she do for the 60ish minutes we're all taking first look/bridal party photos pre-ceremony? Maybe those are things I don't need to worry about, but I feel like I should because my head is so wrapped up in guest logistics right now.

Luckily we already decided on a sweetheart table so I don't have to worry about head table seating. In general I also just really hate confrontation and don't want to come off as bitchy, even though I know none of this is my fault! I also think she will somehow make this about me not being flexible or "too uptight". She was definitely one of those "laid-back" brides who was not laid back so it's all very ironic to me haha. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, but started out as an "honorary bridesmaid" with 2 other girls (told I was that, not asked to be). It was all so so awkward and I feel like I'm reliving that awkwardness again.

Blah.

Don't take responsibility for her she's an adult tell her the link u gave her is not valid any more so she'll have to find the same dress somewhere else

I just found this on Azazie I think this is the correct dress I googled the style and number I think it's just called something else on this site. Good Luck

https://www.azazie.com/products/azazie-flora-bridesmaid-dress?color=moss

Http://www.bridesmaids.com/8157.html

I found it here too.

@futuremrswhitman. No horrible person there. You were upfront about cost and even paid for it. $5 of walmart seems like a steal. Her fault for waiting last minute.

@emma L. That sucks so bad. I agree with PP, Find it or be a guest. Does she talk to you a lot? You know open up? Or is it sporadic?

@2B_Mrs.J.T. Definitely sporadic.

Do you have an MOH that is maybe the same size as her? Maybe she can take the MOH's dress and have her order a different one. That way it looks as if you meant to do a different style for your MOH to stick out.