Legally Married but Officiant for our Wedding Day Question

Since you are already married what he would be performing is technically a vow renewal. There is no need to sign anything and it doesn't matter that he isn't ordained to perform a legal ceremony in CA. If you want his father to perform the ceremony I would at least come clean with him, since you are in the military he will probably be very understanding.

The best way is to come clean about being legally married.... in my opinion.

We were legally married in January, but everyone knew about it.. At the wedding, we had a friend who had officiated weddings before speak at our ceremony. We were even pronounced "man and wife, again" and it was funny.. but considering this is your FIL that is wanting to do this, he really shoul know the truth.. it may hurt him, but no worse than you not telling him and having him find out another way.

Edit: Ladies, I think the point is that he doesn't know about them being married and he would expect to sign a certificate, which they've already done.. I think..maybe?

No one knows that we are legally married though. I would imagine, his father, who has married people before, would ask, "is there a license of some kind that i'm supposed to sign now". And we don't want to be like, "oh, no, we got married months ago, you don't have to sign anything". Haha.

If everyone were to know that we were married, then I understand that a hobo off the street could marry speak for us.

We are one in the same!!!!!!!!!!! lol my family has no idea since my wedding is in June.. we're both military.. happens all the time and i've been wondering the same thing! luckily my hubby's best friend is "marrying us" so he'll know the truth (if he doesnt already lol) but I'm positive my parents will ask for a picture "signing the marriage license" since its a tradition in hispanic culture (at least mine).. i've been thinking of lies to come up with lol "o crap! we left it at the house!!" or "his best friend left it at his home" or "we signed it, all the officiant has to do is sign and mail it.. he's keeping it safe" lol my parents/family/ would FLIPPPPPPPP OUTTTT if they knew the truth. ur dad is a minister.. so he's going to find out.. u can't get a 2nd marriage license since u're already married... i can't find anywhere that says u can, but if you do... PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED! lol

Hey! My "FH" and I did the same thing! We were (I got out earlier this year) active duty and got married at a courthouse and didn't tell anyone. I don't need to explain, because as I'm sure you know, there were many benefits for us to do this.

I don't really remember the process of the paperwork, but since you already have a marriage license, you should not be signing another one. I'm not too clear on your question. Are you worried about him finding out that you are already married when you explain why you won't be doing paperwork? I think if you explain the reasoning, and that you would like your decision to keep it between yourselves respected, I'm sure he would be very understanding.

We are having a friend on mine "marry us." Since we are already technically, he doesn't need certification or anything. There will be no paperwork. Just words spoken in front of everyone to make it official : )

Jen, exactly. You got it. My in-laws are VERY religious and very moral. They were upset at us for MONTHS that we moved into together prior to being married. If we came out now that we were already married...I don't even know what would happen! I might not even have in-laws at our wedding.

@kendall... ditto, except its my parents. i've even gone so far as to look for fake marriage licenses i can print out.. they're from NYC, they won't know the difference lol. but then again they're not the ones marrying us.. maybe u can get a fake one and trick ur FIL? sounds horrible... but I completely understand the situation you're in!

@MrsNrs- Our DJ- who is almost like our coordinator pitched us the same idea when I asked him for his advice. It's terrible, but the idea isn't too far from my mind. I just can't imagine that he won't go back to missouri and be like, "You know, I never signed a marriage license or anything, so..that's kinda weird..."

If he's a minister, he's definitely expecting to sign one. he should know the deal... lol besides, you're only avoiding drama that would come from telling them you've already sealed the deal.. idk i'd feel really guilty, but i'd get a fake one anyway. he MIGHT understand but he might not.. i wouldn't take that chance. I know for a fact that my parents would flip out, theres no chance of understanding. just make sure he doesnt try to mail it for you too!!!! lol

Tell him that since he is not authorized to officiate weddings in Calif., you got legally married at the courthouse (you don't have to tell him how long ago) and that you just want him to "unofficially" marry you/bless your marriage.

I recently did a re-enactment for the family/friends for a couple I married a while ago when they eloped.

If you already signed it can't you just get a copy of it and take a pic of you signing it ? like oh they snapped the pic too late?

As for the OP. wow your in a pickle. My dad would have flipped his lid. I hope things go smoother. haha you could lie to your dad the minister and tell him he does not have to sign anything in your state.

Honesty is the best policy.....good luck with your predicament. My FBIL has done this^^ twice, first marriage ended in disaster ....but anyhow both ended up coming to light when my FMIL did a simple Internet search. This woman calls FH if her screen goes blank she's completely computer illiterate but still managed a simple search. God forbid they find out from anyone other then you. Thankfully sense after the first time we expect this from FBIL but didn't get angry and simply wished him the best. I hope for your sake they don't find out through other means.

You don't have to have anyone sign anything. You're married in all 50 states.

I do this all the time, either the little wedding or the big one, but I do tell the couple that they should let their families know. Who wants to keep up that charade?

Don't get a fake license. I can't believe your coordinator even suggested that; it's just creepy.

In NJ, they will issue a 'remarriage' license, that looks basically just like a wedding license (no one I know has ever been presented with one.......) Possibly they do that in your state too.

What about getting a copy of you marriage license and whiting out the signatures and copying it onto replica paper? Honestly, this sounds like a lot of work. I think honesty is the best policy, but if you can find away to get away with it and save lot of hurt feelings and negative reactions, then best of luck to you!

You have no choice but to tell... the officiant has to know that you are already legally married. No one else needs to know tho.

I vote for just coming clean to the parents. Explain that you had your reasons for marrying and now want him to bless your marriage. As a minister, he is certainly going to know that a marriage license needs to be signed and filed. I certainly wouldn't make it worse by trying to insult his intelligence by by perpetuating a fraud and trying to pass off a fake. A lie is never a good basis on which to build any relationship including one with your FILs

What you did by getting married is not wrong, but what you're thinking of trying to do is.

Kendall, I just noticed that you are in San Diego... what part?

If he is going to officate, you will have to come clean to him. No way around that.

Like someone above recommended you could print a fake one or white out the “real” one and then scan and reprint it.

But I just feel like lying and faking things might be more trouble in the end. Honesty is the best policy, even if it’s hard. Can you imagine how hurt they would be if they knew you went through all this trouble to fake everything? I would be very careful.

They'll be very hurt. Trust me.