Let's talk about grooms involved in planning

View Quoted Comment LOL! Then that’s perfect!!!! Sounds like you two are a match made in heaven♥️

My now husband and I did our wedding planning together 💛 it confirmed what I already knew, which is we make one hell of a team!! We went to all appointments together, brainstormed together, and did some divide and conquer. I couldn’t have done it without his support! I don’t think you’re a groomzilla! Lol just being an active partner and it’s both of your wedding 👍

My first husband was a groomzilla and I felt very trapped and rushed throughout the whole process, like I missed out on a lot of stuff and eventually grew resentful about it all.

My advice (not implying you donʻt do these things, just things I wished he had done):

1) Check in with her about her thoughts and feelings on things, let her have a few things she really wants if you donʻt love them

2) Let her do and enjoy all the bridal things without trying to control those events or forcing your sister/mom/chick friendsʻ involvement and/or dismissing things as "not important" like the engagement pictures/party if theyʻre important to her

3) Take the pre-marriage counseling seriously if youʻre doing it at all, not just a box to check to get through and dismissing any issues she brings up, work through them all now

4) Keep being her friend/love first. Youʻre a team, the wedding is not the grand prize, the marriage is, focus on building that with her first and foremost

No you’re note I’m grateful that my partner is as involved in almost every decision as I am. We both love weddings and he cares about how the things turns out. We make a great team!

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"We make a great team!" 👍

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Thanks Katie! I found my "twin groom" in your husband!

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1),2): Done. My sisters and my female friend only offer an advice when my FW asks for their opinion. They' re the best and I love them for the way they treat her,her bridal things/events and the way they welcomed her i general

About my mom and step-mother it's another story but we set some boundaries together vs them ,it works out pretty well!

3) I'm sorry you've been through this.

4) I love this line!! I'll do my best since she's my queen and would do anything to make her happy🥰.😍

Good to hear, Fredolino! My hubby is an event producer at heart and in entertainment and he had a LOT to say on our decor, flow, and entertainment (he said if I wanted a DJ instead a live band for our local reception then he didn’t want it! 😝). He also built a lot of our cool props & decor. I was seriously impressed.

I made it very clear to DH that if he didn't help plan our wedding, it wouldn't happen.

There are two people in a marriage, so it takes two people to plan the wedding. Full stop.

Thankfully, he WAS invested in a lot of details, though sometimes anxiety got the best of him and he'd completely lose the plot. ("I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!" ... as the book was *literally at his feet*. I maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe sometimes nearly dropped it on his head?)

He set the menu, mostly handled the music, did the seating chart, came up with the centerpieces idea - and implemented it, picked out his ring, helped with my ring, dealt with his side of the BP and their wardrobe, and was involved with every major decision except for my dress/look, and the BM dresses (I did have a bridesman, who joined DH's side for wardrobe stuff). He even helped his parents with the grocery shopping for the rehearsal dinner.

I'd be grateful, but *I expected us to be a full partnership*, so I suppose the better word is "supported".

We actually created a joint email account that was JUST for the wedding, but now we use it for joint purchases, too. Though, admittedly, he could check it once in a while...

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Wow! What a man!! 😀💪

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"If he didn't help plan our wedding, it wouldn't happen.

There are two people in a marriage, so it takes two people to plan the wedding. Full stop"

This is why I'm stunned when some brides literally exclude the groom, ( besides his side of the BP, their wardrobe and the wedding bands ... and when a guy doesn't want to be involved,

I can see why some guys don't want to help with the floral arrangements,decor' but honestly when it comes to big decisions: the venue, DJ/band ...

Thanks for talking about your bridesman and his wardrobe coz my FW is having a man of honor and 1 bridesman, I'm having a best woman and 1 groomswoman , we didn't know who they should join for their attire stuff.

My FH knows I love to plan and he is happy to show up and let me run the show. I have to limit myself to one day a week of planning so I don't overwhelm him. His mother was the matriarch of his family so it is his default to not have an opinion unless asked. I check in with him a lot on details and, piece by piece, we are building our wedding together. Still 11 months away from our big day so there is a lot of planning left! We will do all vendor interviews together, too.


The only thing he explicitly asked to be left out of were decisions on my wedding look (dress, hair, makeup, everything) since he wants it to be all on me and a surprise for him.
He chose our wedding date, is in charge of food and beverages, his attire, and his groomsmen's attire. My only ask is for his beard to be trimmed but not clean-shaven (He looks like a whole nother person without it and has only been clean-shaven 2 times in the 3 years we have been together! I don't want to be doing double-takes on my wedding every time I see my groom!).

My husband didn't care overall.

He was supportive, and he listened to every detail (over fifteen years later, he still remembers what rose was used in my bouquet), but he didn't have an opinion on it. His attitude was "it'll be great because you're handling it." When I threatened to cancel the whole thing and elope, he was right there to say "let's do this. I'll help you call the vendors." (We didn't end up canceling and eloping, but he was prepared to!)

However... he had one major groomzilla moment. A LEGIT groomzilla meltdown moment. Over the cake.

At the time, he had some friends/colleagues who, under their business umbrella, owned a cake shop. Apparently, I was required to hire them without question, and it was my husband's way or the highway. Legitimate groomzilla meltdown tantrum... over the cake.

We did end up hiring them, not because he had his meltdown, but because they actually legitimately ended up being the best. Best tasting cake, most courteous, just overall the best experience. (I don't regret having tried the other bakers, despite hubby's tantrum over it, because I still feel good about being able to say they actually were the best.)

View Quoted Comment We asked them.


DH had 2 groomswomen.
I offered them dresses, but they chose tuxes.
They looked great!

My FH has started to take a more vocal, more involved approach the closer we've gotten to our date. I've expressed and he's seen how stressed it has made me to do everything alone so he's really been trying more. I like to know that we're both excited about this major event in our lives.

I saw you in a post earlier - happy to have you here, welcome!

My FH is very involved and apparently very picky lol. I just started asking his opinion on things and quickly learned he wanted to choose everything lol. We've had an amazing time planning I can't wait to see how everything plays out that day.

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Aww, awesome! Canʻt wait to see your amazing wedding pictures

Oh, I guess I should also give him credit on this part, too: he picked the date.

This was very special and very important to him, so I was completely hands-off on choosing the date.

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LOL.

He's picky coz he wants nothing but the best and you deserve it!😉

Fh is only interested in the menu and the desserts 🙄🙄🙄 I’m definitely marrying a foodie. Definitely expecting him to give me a shoutout at the wedding for all this hard work and glue gun burns lol