Let's talk about grooms involved in planning

View Quoted Comment In that same boat now. Fh is finally realizing how stressful it’s been to carry the planning alone and in isolation due to covid. But he’s definitely stepping up. I just think he doesn’t know where to start or what tasks needs to be done. He asks me everyday if there’s a wedding task to be done and in those moments I always say no because planning kind of hits me out the blue when I think of something to do randomly. So when he asks I honestly can never think of anything. But it does feel good when they plan with you it shows they care and that they are equally as excited.

Good for you for wanting part in it not weird and honestly I think it’s great. My now husband let me run with it. Since ceremony and party is separated it’s not my dream wedding he tries to be like it was great but it wasn’t. More of a headache for me. He calls up for the cake does few help once in awhile wish he was wanting to help more, but he’s rather shy so just getting married with just our parents was enough for him. (Center of the attention = Ahhhhhhhh for him)

I don't think it's weird in the slightest for both people getting married to be involved in wedding planning. I acknowledge that US social conventions (this is where I live, so I can't speak for other countries) seem to dictate that only women should be interested, but I am not here for sexist stereotypes and I wouldn't have married someone who bought into them, either.

That said, I have a feeling that membership of a wedding message forum leans heavily female for a variety of reasons. There are undoubtedly lots of grooms involved in planning their weddings; they just don't choose to participate in forums, in general, which skews the perception here that only women care about weddings.

Nope he doesn’t really care but the few things he did want he was VERY firm about and I had no problem conceding as he let me have everything I wanted.


In the beginning I was very happy with that arrangement because I could plan the wedding I dreamed of but as I am now in love with the entire process and can talk about it allllllllll day, I wish he was a bit more enthused.

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Hello Fleur Rebelle

I totally side with you on this one. I disagree with the "the wedding day is all about the bride" thing (especially the ceremony) but most grooms feel like they shouldn't plan anything besides picking the groomsmen,the suits/tuxedos and food + drinks. I do think that grooms should be as exited as their bride regardless of who makes most decisions because it's their wedding too.

I mean: if you want to buy,say, a house or a car together, he won't want you to make the decision behind his back, will he?

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Well, my only counterpoint to the car analogy is this: if we were buying a car together, I would defer to my husband's judgment, because he genuinely knows a lot more about cars than I do. Any input I would have would not be very helpful. "The engine turns on when you turn the key."

That is definitely how my husband felt about our wedding! He was excited, for sure, but he had very little input. Big blowout party in a five-star resort? Sure. Intimate gathering in a garden? Great. Elope in Maui? Fine by him! He was also happy to help, he just didn't have much opinion.

That said, it is a totally different scenario this time around... he has worked in the wedding industry for six years now, and hoooo boy does he have opinions. One thing is for sure: he'll have no problem speaking his mind to vendors.

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It's not a big deal because there is a difference between being excited/enthused and having an opinion/input.