Letting Guests Pay at the Engagement Party or Not?

Others have covered it well. You never host anything you can't afford. And, honestly, you should not be hosting your own engagement party. You should never ask your guests to pay for their meals or provide potluck (which is also asking them to cover the cost of food) when it comes to e-parties, weddings, and showers.

I didn't have an engagement party. I'm still just as married. PLEASE don't do this.

First off, an engagement party is not required. It is in poor taste to host a party that your guests have to pay for. Either you figure out a way to put it in your budget or don't do it. The purpose of one being a host is to actually host (receive and entertain your guests) the party.

To everyone thank you very much for your advice. From reading everyone's advice I think the best thing for me to do in my situation is just invite immediate family and the bridal party only. That will help out paying for it a lot. Also considering paying for appetizers instead of buying each person a meal. We would have to host our engagement party because our parents are not chipping in to pay for it and I dont see our friends volunteering to pay. I will not ask someone to throw it for us because I think it is rude. I talked about etiquette because that is what we look at when it comes to planning. So if I were to look at complete etiquette then my parents should be paying for our wedding. But they are not me and my fiance are having to pay for it like many people I know do as well. Again thank you everyone for your responses and help.

It's not etiquette for your parents to pay for the wedding. Etiquette is how to treat others fairly and politely. It's outdated custom that says parents pay for the wedding. Saying they "should be paying" is completely improper - your parents don't owe you anything because you're choosing to get married. Many parents do contribute, and that's great - it's their prerogative to gift children with that. But it's a gift, not a necessity.

I would estimate that less than 10% of couples even have engagement parties these days. It's really not a necessity, either. So no, you don't "have to host" it. Nobody does.

*Didn't read all the comments before posting* An engagement party is still an event that people are invited to. This means that the person hosting pays. You said it's your first time doing this, so if you weren't aware, engagement parties aren't necessary. If you're having trouble with a budget, it might be a better idea to save your money and put it toward the wedding instead.

I didn't read the comments, but an engagement party isn't necessary and you shouldn't be the ones hosting it. We never had one, and we never wanted one. If you insist on having one, you have to pay for it.

Ettiquite is not having your parents pay for the wedding, i think you're thinking maybe old school tradition where the father of the bride would offer up goats. Etiquette says do NOT ask anyone to pay for the wedding.

Why are you having an engagement party if it's a struggle to pay for it? Most people don't have them at all.

Sorry everyone but to clarify the parent issue. I am not saying my parents should be paying for our wedding. I am just saying traditional rules or etiquette say the brides parents pay. My fiance and I are more than happy to pay for our wedding.

My whole point was I know there are rules to do's and dont's when it comes to weddings but I know everyone doesnt go by every rule out there.

In all honesty I would rather not have an engagement party at all but my fiance wants us to celebrate our engagement with family and friends. So if we are going to have it I want to make sure we are doing it right. Some of the suggestions you all gave me I wish I were on the do's and dont's of having an engagement party.

Traditionally an engagement party is hosted by the parents of the bride. It's really not appropriate to host it yourself, and it is never appropriate to have guests pay their own way at party. Why don't you host a party in your home? You don't need to call it an engagement party. Even when I host full dinner parties I spend $200, maybe $300. And that's with alcohol and decorations and without bargain shopping. It can be done for less. Tacos, BBQ, chili, pizza, pasta, or even just appetizers and desserts make for great parties.

No No No!

Tradition and etiquette are vastly different and you cannot use them interchangeably. It is traditional for the bride and groom to not see each other prior to the ceremony. That has nothing to do with etiquette. Now many couples do a first look. Are they being rude (i.e. using poor/rude etiquette)? Of course not.

It is your responsibility to pay for your wedding unless someone offers to do so. Parents paying is a tradition and has nothing at all to do with etiquette.

Tradition. Not etiquette

I believe that you already got the answer you needed...but if not...here's one more vote for HELL NO.

We didn't have one but we went to a bar we liked the night after and just sent out a hey were hanging out here stop by if your free (I also live in a different state so was only in for a couple nights)! It was great, no gifts, no etiquette just a group of some of our friends and family hanging out and celebrating.

I had a simple get together in a nice bar. Since the private lounge was small I could only invite about 20 people. My friends paid for a champagne toast and I brought desserts, but we chose to have it later so we did not need to have food. Drinks were on your own, but nobody seemed to mind, I kept it casual...marketed it more as a night out to celebrate than an " engagement party" ..didn't want to be tacky. If you were hosting a birthday dinner, everyone pays on their own for a meal, so I do not feel that it is extremely poor etiquette. Do what is best for you two !

I also think that you do not need to have an engagement party, what about a few friends over and some champagne? We only had one since we are a block from the restaurant and some family were in town for spring break, it was super convenient

You do you girl! Do not listen to the people in the comments. It's your wedding and it can be your way. Your family and friends are not going to judge you because you cannot afford their dinner. Just make sure you adress it. I cannot stand the people in these comments.

I had the idea at first to rent a hall and cater food, or go to a restaurant and have everyone pay for their own meal, but mom said ,"no way, thats tacky " so now we decided to have it at a restaurant during brunch hours and we'll pay for guests. After all it doesn't have to be a big meal, and besides everyone knows how expensive wedding are today.

My guy and I prepaid for salad and an appetizer then agreed to happy hour drink prices paid by guests (we’re sober) and additional orders were on the attendees.
No. Big. Deal.

our family and friends came to celebrate us. Not for a free meal