Limited Room...

Hey Charlotte, welcome to WeddingWire and congratulations on your new little family member on the way! I honestly think that both yours and your husbands ideas are viable options for this situation. I think your husband might be concerned that the other two kids might feel upset at losing their rooms to a new baby. For the time being, I would have the newborn in your bedroom until the baby is a little older and will really need more room. Unless the kids would be open to sharing a room, depending on their relationship they may love the idea! If they aren't thrilled with sharing a room, maybe the baby items/furniture can be dispersed between each room so that everyone can still have their own space as much as possible, but baby will sleep in your room until you can get another place.

Congratulations! I think the problem you are going to run into is most courts require that children especially those of the opposite gender have their own room so the mother of your step-children could potentially take your husband to court for not providing proper rooms for the children. I would have the baby in your room and the other two children in their own rooms. The baby doesn't need his or her own room right away.

I think the best option is for the baby and their same gender sibling to share a room. A 9 year old boy is too old to share a room with his little sister.

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We have considered this option but we think a 6 year old girl and 9 year old boy are too old to be roomed with a new born baby...

View Quoted Comment Legally they’re not. If we’re being realistic, the baby will probably be in your room at night anyway. Their own bedroom will basically be for storage.

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Thanks for the information...I never knew someone could be taken to court due to this type of situation. I wonder if that applies in my state and what are the age requirements of the children. My main complaint is that the two rooms will be empty 50% of the time and we will be squashed into one room. My husband agree that the baby doesn't needs it own room right away but I don't want to limit my baby to only a crib and a dresser drawer. I want my baby to have furniture etc. but our space is so limited.

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Good idea...I never thought about putting the baby items/furniture in each kids room. That'll defiantly be something we will consider. Thanks!

View Quoted Comment Not sure where you live, but this happened to my father. My husband's mom also almost lost custody of him and his brother because of this as well. I work in law so that's another reason I know this.

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Oh wow. Well thanks for letting me know.

I agree with PPs...when you think of it, the furniture is for your benefit, not the baby, per se. The baby won't complain if they aren't in the same room as their dresser, you know.

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This. I have a 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. I would put baby's stuff in with the same gender child. They're not too old to share a room with a baby but they are too old to share a room with each other. I'm a former CPS social worker and this is the standard and would be something that could backfire having the boy and girl in the same room. Also, regardless if they're only there a small amount of time, that's still their space. One thing you don't want to happen is to make it seem as though you're shoving them to the side because there's a new baby. It could breed a lot of resentment.

In addition to the potential issues related to possible custody challenges mentioned by pps, I'd be very concerned about how changes in room arrangements might impact how your step-children feel about their new sibling. Generally, it's a lot for kids from divorced families to adjust to a new step-parent (e.g., "but aren't [bio] mom and dad going to get back together???"). Adding a new baby immediately into the mix will likely add to the adjustment issues, especially if either or both of the two older children get the impression they are being "replaced" or pushed aside (especially by their biological dad) in favor of a "new" sibling. I'd guess there are a lot of adjustments to come for all of you. I understand your excitement about your first pregnancy and first biological child, but when you said, "but I don't want to limit my baby to only a crib and a dresser drawer. I want my baby to have furniture etc. but our space is so limited," it set off a red flag to me. I truly understand how you're feeling, but the "my baby" language could easily be taken in the wrong way by a young step-child (e.g., "my baby," which implies THEY are NOT your "baby"). I don't think you're wrong, I just think, at least while the new baby is young, that you and FH may want to put your needs/convenience behind the older children's needs. Hopefully, it won't be too long before you can afford a home where you have more space, but honestly, for at least the first year (so more than 18 months from now), the baby won't need a ton of space. Like others said, some of his/her furnishings (changing table, dresser) could go in the other bedrooms, or maybe even in the living room, and the crib can stay with you. It takes a while for most babies to REALLY sleep through the night, and it's not fair to young kids who NEED their sleep to put a newborn in with them. Certainly YOU need your sleep, but as parents of a newborn, that's just not going to happen for a good long time. I'd embrace that sacrifice as a joy of being new parents and as a kind thing to do for your step children. Good luck to you all!

How long do you plan to be in your apartment before looking into buying a house? If a couple years I think keeping the baby in your room probably won't be terrible (agree with PP about possible custody issues along with animosity of the new baby) have you thought about maybe a pack and play that has a changing table attached to save on space?