Limiting Guest

Stand your ground. You do get to decide that you want friends there more than some family. Your sisters can be upset all they want, but you've chosen your space and you want it this way. You're not going above your means or trying to stretch the venue to more than it can hold. You're doing everything correctly.

Do not allow anyone to bully you out of your choices. If your sisters decide not to come because of this tell them you're sorry that they'd pick this battle but you will not budge. They can come without their kids or they can't come.

Your sisters don't get to determine your guest list. You do. I think what you're planning sounds lovely, and of course you want those you are closest to to share the day with you. That includes friends as well as family. If your sisters can't manage to spend one day without their children, then maybe they should just decline the invitation. Then there will be room for more friends on the guest list!

Stand your ground. You are deciding the list for your vow renewal, not them. If they don’t like it, they are free to decline. Many people are not close to their blood relatives but are pressured to include them anyway. Don’t let sisters control anything.

I just want to clarify...your venue is 8 hours away (which would make it a destination wedding)? So, your sisters would have to come by themselves and possibly stay somewhere overnight and their spouses would need to stay home with kids. I understand your venue is limited and it's your call, but I also understand if they decline.

Don't back down. Have weeding you've been waiting for and wanting for 20 years. Oh well of she doesn't come her loss

How old are your sister’s kids? Of course you should have who you want and no one should guilt you about your choices. However. Asking people to come to a destination wedding but not including their kids who still live at home can be a big ask.

View Quoted Comment I should have clarified that in the post (but don't know how to edit it lol) The wedding won't be until 2023. I wanted to go ahead and tell them so they could start saving. One of my sisters kids are grown over 18 and the other her oldest child will be 16 so could easily stay home with the others. The friends that I invited completely understand and said they would make a vacation out of it, bring their kids and have them stay at the cabin during the ceremony. Afterwards we can meet up.

View Quoted Comment They wouldn't have to come by themselves they can have a plus one. They could also carpool with my mother and all split a cabin. One sister will have a 16 year old who can watch the siblings and my other sisters kids are grown. Everyone can come but just stay in the cabin while the ceremony is going on then we can see everyone afterwards.

View Quoted Comment Ehhh, OP I think I understand why your sisters are balking at this. First of all, it’s not your place to volunteer a 16 year old, much less one that isn’t your own child to babysit others. Secondly, many people don’t feel comfortable leaving their kids alone in a strange place. I’ve been to the Smokies more than a few times and there are plenty of areas without good cell service. I wouldn’t want to be away from my kids without easy communications access to them.

And when you say you could “see everyone after”, do you mean you’d have a private ceremony and then host a reception for all, including the accompanying kids?

It’s just her unsolicited opinion. So, it doesn’t change anything (or mean anything). Keep your guest list, have a great time and congrats on 20 years!!!

I feel like, with kids that old, making this trip into a vacation and have them just sit in the room or go out and do some other activity by themselves during the ceremony seems totally fine. I might have been miffed if it had been me and I was close to my aunt or uncle, or I might have been miffed while secretly relieved I didn't have to go - but either way, my parents would have told me it's their day and they get to pick.

It's not like you're talking about a newborn baby or a toddler - and even if you were, it is still your day, and you are still entirely entitled to invite or exclude whomever you wish.

I think your stock phrase needs to be "I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is the choice we have made. We'll miss you if you decide this means you won't be able to make it."

First of all, I never said my nephew HAD to watch his brother and sister who will be 10 and 13 but that IS an option if they decide to stay home. They would probably still go to my sister's mother in law while they are gone at least the youngest.

Second of all, my mother's husband doesn't like weddings so offered to stay at the cabin and give up his spot which means if her kids did come, there would be an adult there the whole time. More if my other sister brings her 2 which are in their 20s. But honestly at 16 he is perfectly capable of keeping an eye on 2 his siblings for a few hours without an issue. I can assure you making sure cell service and wifi availability will be the main thing they look for when choosing a cabin.
Third of all, none of that even matters because it was never the issue. They are upset that their whole household can't come because I invited friends. I want people who will really enjoy and want to be there. Out of all of my nieces and nephews probably only the 2 girls would have fun. If their husband's want to stay at the cabin or home and just bring the kids who want to come I'm fine with that too! I'm not against having them there as long as it fits in the 25 limit.
The ceremony and reception will be at the same place. But like I said I want it to be simple and laid back. The reception consist of having a picnic on the mountain. The whole thing will be over within 2-3 hours.
My family will share one cabin and my friends the other. If the nieces and nephews do come I can go to their cabin and hangout with them before they leave the next day due to school.
Keep in mind this is 2 years away so a lot can change with the guest list and who all comes. My friends kids will all be 17-19 so who knows where they will be and their husbands may have to work and it will end up a girls trip. Luckily all my friends are friends with each other. What won't change is the date, venue and having no more than 25 people.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. Your wedding and wedding plan sound lovely!

You are not obligated to invite anyone. Invite those closest to you (family or not), allow them dates/plus ones/SOs as appropriate and leave it at that. With such a small, intimate wedding it makes sense that those people with you are the ones you know and love best.

Your sisters are within their rights to decline your invitation if it doesn't include their children and they won't leave their children for the day/weekend. So consider that, but don't let that force you into including relatives you don't feel you have a relationship with in lieu of other guests who are important to you.