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Dedicated January 2019

Living with Fiance and family issues?

Amanda, on June 21, 2017 at 2:18 AM Posted in Planning 0 25

So I know this might not be the place to post about this but you girls are great and I need advice (comfort) haha. I'm recently engaged and my fiance and I are relocating to where I am from and my family currently lives. We are moving in together a year before our wedding. I have no problem with this and am SO excited for a new adventure. My parents approve. However, my extended family has traditional values and wouldn't approve. Clearly I can't hide this from them bc we are living in the same town. How can I introduce this idea and not offend or upset anyone. I don't want to fight with my family during this special time. Thanks!

25 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on June 21, 2017 at 11:48 AM
  • StPaulGal
    Master July 2017
    StPaulGal ·
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    You're (presumably) an adult. Just be firm and mature in your responses. If someone tells you that they don't approve, simply tell them politely that you're sorry they feel that way but this is what works for you and your future spouse. Repeat as necessary.

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  • Mrs.VtoBe
    Super July 2017
    Mrs.VtoBe ·
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    When I moved in with FH I told my parents and they weren't thrilled but ultimately it was my decision. I had an uncle try to share his disapproval and quite frankly it wasn't his place. I was calm up until he said something offensive about FH and I walked away. Sorry but my parents raised me to be the strong, intelligent, independent woman that I am and I couldn't care less about his opinion. Sometimes you just have to do what's best for you and let them come to terms with it on their own. I say you don't owe anyone an explanation especially if your parents have your back.

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  • TiffanyGomez2018
    VIP July 2017
    TiffanyGomez2018 ·
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    When one of my aunts husband told me I needed to get married asap because other wise I would "burn in hell for my sins."

    I responded with "well at least I'll finally be warm because he keeps the damn thermostat waaay too low."

    Probably not super mature, but whatever. The fact is, it's nobody's business but yours. They can either suck it up or they can't. Not your problem.

    ETA Lol aunts changed to patients???? Damn I need sleep

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  • Anna
    Super November 2017
    Anna ·
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    My family initially had an issue with this as well, since FH and I moved in together prior to being engaged. (We had been together for a year or so) All I can imagine is reminding everyone of the wedding plans, maybe asking them for advice and such. Sorry, I don't have better advice. I will say this, all my family has gotten over it. Over time they've thrown their fits and gossiped I'm sure, but now they're all on board. (Kinda have to be.. lol) Be patient with them, they'll come around. Either way once you're married they'll have nothing else to be upset about.

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    You are an adult, and by virtue of your age, you don't need another adult's approval of your living situation. If you want to live with your fiancé before you're married, whose business is that, besides yours? It's nobody's business. Nobody, beside you, is making a life long emotional, financial, and potential shared parenthood commitment to this individual for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and for better or worse. You're making that commitment -- or, at least, that's the plan. Nobody...nobody...has a right to weigh in on this. It's nice that your parents agree with your choice, but even if they didn't, it wouldn't matter. You, and only you, are you going to be living your life.

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  • K
    Dedicated August 2017
    Kylee ·
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    Good luck dear! If you can make it a year living with him you are golden! Just remember to always tell him and his buddies to put the seat down because trust me none of them know this and the one night you decide to not check the seat you are going to fall in and blow up ! Also you will find socks everywhere!

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  • Heartbweeps
    Super October 2017
    Heartbweeps ·
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    To be honest, just move. If his family disapproves then it's their issue, not yours. My FH's folks have more traditional values which only apply in their home, luckily they have never given us flack for living together.

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  • Emily
    Dedicated January 2018
    Emily ·
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    Surprisingly my entire extended family was very supportive about moving in together before my FH proposed. My parents weren't exactly thrilled but they raised me to be a strong, independent woman and I told them this was the next step for us since we had been dating 6 years. Just remind them that this is what works for you two and that you'll be married soon after you move in together

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  • A. L.
    Master July 2017
    A. L. ·
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    If you are over 18, nobody gets a say in your living arrangements. Be firm, tell them what's happening (or don't) and that's it.

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  • PerfectlyPolin
    VIP September 2017
    PerfectlyPolin ·
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    You're an adult. You do what you want

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  • WWModTeam
    WeddingWire Administrator December 2016
    WWModTeam ·
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    Hi Amanda, it would be great if you could set an avatar photo. You’ll get more replies on your threads and it’ll help the community recognize you when you post. This can be done from the desktop version of the site by going to “My Settings”, or you can email a picture to community@weddingwire.com and someone will set it for you.

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  • Courtney
    Super May 2018
    Courtney ·
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    I agree with PPers. Presumably, your and adult and can make your own decisions. Even with traditional values, my parents saw the advantage of "making sure we could live together" before getting married when we move in together almost 2 years ago.

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  • New
    VIP May 2017
    New ·
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    I really don't think there's a need to "introduce" the idea. Don't hide it, but just move in. They will figure it out. There may be some tsk tsk but don't worry about it.

    If your extended family picks a fight with you about your adult living arrangements, that says more about them than you and your fiancé.

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  • MrsSki
    Master April 2017
    MrsSki ·
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    Just don't bring it up. Like you said, they'll find out. They'll likely talk behind your back, but the majority of people they talk to will judge them for being ridiculous, not you.

    My dad and his family are largely Southern Baptist, so the fact that DH and I bought a house (and lived together in it!) was horrifying. I never brought it up and if they did, I changed the subject. To help not ruffle feathers, I used phrases like "master bedroom/bathroom" instead of "our bedroom." That kept the side-eye away a bit

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  • VC
    Master May 2017
    VC ·
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    You are an adult. You answer if they ask and act like it's a done deal and you are confident about it.

    They are offended, then they have bigger issues and should not be judging others.

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  • Red2018
    VIP August 2018
    Red2018 ·
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    It's truly none of their business. I wouldn't announce it, but if they ask, I'd be petty and say exactly what @alyssachu said lol

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  • Alyssa B.
    Super April 2017
    Alyssa B. ·
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    You're an adult and adults can make their own decisions. You may be surprised at who might be okay with it. I was surprised that the Catholic Church (at least here in VA) was actually not averse to cohabitation as long as you have plans to be married in the future. People may surprise you.

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  • Brittney
    Expert June 2018
    Brittney ·
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    I've got a similar family situation. They don't ask and I don't bring it up. If they do ask, just tell the truth and let them judge. They don't pay your bills and don't have to approve of everything you do.

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  • french horse
    Master October 2017
    french horse ·
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    Bean dip response. "Thanks for sharing your thoughts - would you like some bean dip?" Bean dip being a subject change to something innocuous.

    You don't need to justify or defend your choices - you're an adult, they're yours to make.

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  • BlushingBride
    VIP October 2017
    BlushingBride ·
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    Introduce the idea? I wouldn't, it's just that easy. You're an adult and can make your own decisions. Move in with him and be happy. Embrace the new adventure and let them see how happy you are. You can't live YOUR life if you're worried about other people all the time.

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