Living with in-laws

So speaking from experience you really need to weigh the pros and cons specifically for you and your fiancé. We lived with my fiancé’s parents in our early twenties because we had no other option. We weren’t making enough money to afford our own place in a decent neighborhood and I had a bad remark on my credit from a years ago that was of something I wasn’t involved in (anyway that’s not important).


Here’s how it was for us. THEIR HOUSE. THEIR RULES. No matter how old we are they will always hang that over your head. Whether it’s who cooks, or what time you up doing laundry on your day off or why you go take out or a coffee and didn’t get them any, there’s always something that’s not going to make them happy. Why aren’t they included? Why why aren’t you hanging out with them? Ugh.
We basically kept all our stuff in a jack and Jill room with a bathroom. Mini fridge included. When we came home from a weekend trip his mothers snacks were in OUR fridge. Why? You have a full size fridge downstairs and a stand up freezer in the garage. We spent a majority of our time in the room because that was our space and didn’t want to always be hanging out with his parents. They used to always come to talk or callHim down when we were in middle of things and just ruin it. Basically zero privacy. Why’s the door locked? Because. It. Is.
We went out nearly every weekend with friends. Then we got our dog who has super separation anxiety so we started taking him as many places as we could. There’s been multiple occasions where he had gotten into pills and chocolate because of this parents lack of attention and disregard. He was a tough puppy to train but he’s very well behaved (most of the time now at about four years old). They never took responsibility for the incidents and brushed them off like it’s no big deal. HE COULD HAVE DIED. To this day when he’s at their house, we check the floor for things and bags because you just never know.
Granted there were some good things but none of them really jump out at me. It’s was mostly a frustrating experience. Which I think ruined my chance at a good relationship with them. It’s mostly just hi and bye or how’s your day. Nothing personal, no really feelings. Just blah.
Now I no all in laws aren’t the same but, you really need to evaluate your specific situation before making a decision. Good luck.

View Quoted Comment I have never experienced this but your response is full blown what I’m saying lol 😂

View Quoted Comment Lmao!! Lesson learned.

View Quoted Comment Lol. You are way better than me. Lol

This is a decision that should be made jointly. I know couples who have done this because housing (rent and buying) is very expensive in my area. They stay with 1 set of parents for about a year or 2 and then buy a house. There are definitely a lot of dynamics in play when living in someone else's home. I see the benefits (saving up for a down payment, especially 1 large enough to not have to pay PMI) as well as the negatives (lack of privacy, feeling like it isn't your space). Every family dynamic is going to be slightly different. My brother's girlfriend just moved in to my parents house a few months ago and, from as far as I can tell, she is happy there. They are staying there to save up and are buying a home together (not married yet or engaged but pretty much lol). Other people have posted stories on here about how miserable it is at the in-laws. I had actually floated the idea of temporarily moving in with his parents to my husband because we are on 1 income while I'm in grad school, and he said absolutely not so we ended it there. It works for some couples and not others. However, the biggest thing is to make sure you 2 are on the same page. Tell him how you feel. These are the exact types of big decisions that need to be made together. You can't be worried about hurting your partner's feelings by voicing your opinion on an important matter such as where to live (I mean, don't call him derogatory names in the process, but I doubt that was your intent lol). You will have differing opinions throughout marriage, but it is not healthy to just swallow them and go with what he wants. That will most likely build resentment, which you do not want in a marriage.

I’ve been living with my fiancé since we were in our very early 20s. He was still in college at the time and he was living with his parents. He had asked me to move in with him to help each other out with expenses since we always traveled to see each other.
Debated moving in for about 4-5 months everyone told me not to do it since we would be living with his parents and his parents are Pastors. I did it anyway. 6 years later and still living here.

Pros: you get to save money
Cons: no privacy at ALL! Parents don’t like certain things about you They will complain to their son about you. It could be about how much food you give him or if you cook or don’t cook. Judgements being passed left & right. They may decide that they dont have to clean or cook because you are younger than they are and you should be able to handle it. You pretty much have no say to anything in the house. They expect you to cater to their son. I can’t bring friends over or have alcohol.
Do I regret it? YES! It has caused a lot of arguments between my fiancé and I. At a point my mental health became affected. When I go to school or work and come home i stay in our room and won’t come out unless is to use the bathroom or eat or have to go out again.
I’ve lived here 6 years and if I would’ve known I’d be here this long I wouldn’t have moved. However I am happy since we will be starting house hunting soon. But I still remain in my room and it has also put a strain in my relationship with his parents. There are things you just don’t want to know or witness.
If you don’t want to live there don’t do it!

View Quoted Comment See that’s what I’m afraid of, me and his folks get along good as of right now, when I go I over I dont Spend more then an hour tops, still don’t feel comfortable there. I currently work to jobs so my planning is if he wants to live there I will Go but I will keep both jobs so I wont Have to be at his house 24/7. Maybe it’s wrong of me but I just am not comfortable with the situation 😔

I don't think moving in with his parents is a good idea. If we spend a few days in a row with either of our sets of parents, we usually need a break from them, so I can't imagine actually living with them. I don't totally agree that if you need to live with family temporarily for financial reasons (assuming that you're actively saving to move out) that it means you're not ready to get married. However, the fact that you're considering moving in with your fiancé's parents because you're afraid to hurt his feelings, might. For any relationship to work, you really need to be able to speak with each other freely without either of you being afraid to offend the other person.

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There's nothing wrong at all with not being comfortable with moving in with his parents. Adults need their privacy and space and you won't have that while living in someone else's home. There have been many posts on this site by people who live with parents about how miserable they are due to the rules in place in the house or not being able to deal with different personalities. If things are bad it can permanently damage the relationship with in laws even after you move out. In my opinion, no amount of money savings is worth being miserable. It's more important to be independent adults, even if it will take longer to save for a house.

Are you living with them for financial reasons ? Is someone sick ? I hear people saying no but I’m assuming there must be more to the story for him to want to go back.....

View Quoted Comment Let him know you’re not comfortable in this situation. Before it’s too late. Because there will be times where you’ll be home on consecutive days and you’ll have to interact with them.


It is an uncomfortable situation. And it can definitely damage you’re relationship with your in laws. Make sure to talk to your SO as to why you need to move with them and if it’s really necessary.
Everyone’s situation is different. Everyone on here is also giving you their two cents on what to do and not do and that if you’re in a difficult financial situation that’s still not a good enough reason. DO WHAT YOU FEEL WILL WORK FOR YOU!!
If you think you can handle it go for it. But just know that the minute things change that you make your SO aware of what’s going on. Always communicate!!!

If he's willing to make such a suggestion, he needs to be ready to be turned down. Don't be afraid of hurting his feelings or voicing your opinion. If you're going to have a successful marriage, you need to be able to communicate honestly and openly. You also need your own space.


Add me to the hard no list. I am honestly surprised he even asked.

If you’re uncomfortable then continue to object. It’s not a fair situation if both of you are not on the same page. If it’s financial then you both can come up with an alternative plan. Maybe getting a smaller space. Idk your current situation. Nothing wrong with living with parents if you fall on hard times. Better than being homeless. My fiancé and I are living with my parents due to us both losing our jobs because of the pandemic. It was actually his idea to move in with them. I didn’t want to because I know my parents are nosy but we had no other choice. We had to do that or be evicted. It actually hasn’t been that bad so far but I know every situation is different.


If moving in with someone is your best financial option then it’s best to have a conversation with who you’re moving in with first. That way you’ll know what to expect and there hopefully won’t be any surprises. I wouldn’t move in with anyone for any other reason besides financial issues.

I've been living with my in-laws. My fiance and I are just keeping to ourselves. If you two have your own room you'll be fine. I can't help you with your problem except to just say be positive. If you and him need to take a drive or go for a walk then do so.
Honestly I'm thankful to live with my in-laws. I don't have to pay rent and I have plenty of food with a roof over my head. Although I want my own place too, I'm from California and it's hard to even rent over here. Just be prepared because the married life means having to deal with the family you're marrying into.

I cannot think of a worse way to start a marriage! I agree with others who say this is only acceptable as a temporary time to regain footing during a financial crisis, such as a job loss. While no one enjoys paying rent, there is a reason so many people do as a part of adulthood— renting helps create independence! There are so many life skills that are developed during this time that are crucial to a successful relationship! If neither of you have ever moved out of your parents’ homes and are still uncertain if you can collectively rent a place of your own, it makes me question if you are actually ready for marriage.

Nope! Don’t do it! I absolutely adore my future in-laws but we need space & privacy. If we were to move in with them, it would only be for a short time & only for a severe situation. I’m sorry you’re faced with this decision. I wish you all the very best!!

I would feel like why did we get married & not have our own😩🙃

I would definitely have a private conversation with your fiancé before moving in. If it's for financial reasons, it's understandable but I would suggest having an expected date for when to move out and a savings plan in place.

My fiancé and I are in the same situation. He lost his dad in April in a matter of days due to covid and his parents were married for more than 30 years. Aside from financial reasons, we want to support his mom so that she's not living alone over the next year. We are looking into buying a 2 BR apartment for the 3 of us, but I'm really worried about the lack of privacy (especially as newlyweds!) The plan is to save for our own home in the meantime and eventually leave his mom with the apartment. I wish you all the best! I know this is a super tough conversation to have!

I was asked to move in with my boyfriend’s (at time-he’s now my husband) sister and I did it all for him. We moved to the house, he signed her on to his mortgage and removed his ex. I left my job at a school I loved and moved out there with him and got a new job which was very testing. It was the worst decision I made. I didn’t want to but he wanted it. I even gave up my apartment I adored in my favorite town to move out to the middle of nowhere. Then I ended up having major resentment. I had to have a lot of therapy after it too. We worked through it all but it caused major damage to the relationship between me and his sister. She clearly wanted the house as an investment and didn’t want me intruding in on that. I just wanted to get the heck out of there and have no attachments with the freaking house. She was rude to me and he didn’t believe she would say the things she said to me. That caused all sorts of issues.


Sooooo what I am saying is be careful. You don’t want to have resentment. It messes relationships up in all sorts of ways. Also his experience will be more at home and rosy and yours might be different and he could not see or understand what you are feeling. I just worry about you!
We are though in 6 months moving in my parents but we both love my parents and want to do it. We are doing it temporarily to bank money and then buy a house. We are tired of being stuck in the renting game and are willing to sacrifice for a goal that benefits us both!We have an end date to living with them.If you do it make sure you have a timeline!!One of the reasons I did so bad with living at the house with my Now husbands Sister was there was literally no end in sight!!!!

Also, a no for me. We lived with his mom and grandparents briefly before we were engaged. It helped us save money, but I can’t imagine living there again, unless we incur more financial problems, or need to in order to buy a house the year after. It’s nice having the option, but it’s definitely difficult. Hope it works out for you, either way!