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Just Said Yes December 2023

Long or Short Engagement + Big or Small Wedding?

Chloe Grace, on October 18, 2021 at 7:02 PM Posted in Planning 1 9

My FH and I are paying for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and honeymoon all by ourselves. We got engaged about a month ago and are now looking at setting a date. We're debating between a shorter engagement (winter 2022), or a longer one (fall/winter 2023 or spring 2024 at the latest).

We really want to invite about 150, and be able to give our guests a great wedding experience, but where we are I'm feeling all pre & post wedding events will end up costing upwards of $40k, and we just don't have nearly a tenth of that saved now which is why we'd postpone to 2023 or 2024.

On the other hand, we're debating doing a small wedding with just our immediate families and a few of our closest friends (30 invited) in 2022, but I am worried I'll regret not doing a big gathering.

I know it would be special either way, but the clock is ticking down on venues if we did want winter 2022, and we really could only afford a gathering if we had a couple years to save.

Has anyone done a small wedding, and if so do you have any regrets? Or have done a huge wedding and wished you did a more intimate event? I've heard of people doing a small ceremony now due to covid and then planning on a larger event later when it's safer, but to afford it we'd have to wait at least 2 years later, but if we're going to spend that amount of money in 2 years, I'd rather just wait till we can do the whole wedding at that time.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Bobbi, on October 21, 2021 at 2:07 AM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I originally planned the wedding of my dreams, being a big glitz black tie wedding in a wonderfully ornate Victorian ballroom filled with 160 people and lots of food, drinks and a fabulous 5 piece band… then COVID happened and after postponing once and then again being posed with restrictions, we down-sized our wedding to 38 people and our dinner and dancing reception is now going to be a sit-down dinner at a fabulous restaurant.

    We haven’t yet had our small wedding but I can say this much, the planning is much the same except that for a smaller wedding there is slightly less to do solely because of the scale of the event. In terms of finances, we are saving about $20,000 but the cost per person has gone up in that if our original venue was going to cost us about $190pp for food and drinks, the new venue is costing us $230pp for food and drinks because it is a fine dining restaurant (we didn’t want to compromise on quality, especially for a smaller wedding).

    I never envisioned myself having a small wedding but so far I feel like it’ll be just as wonderful as the big wedding but with less to worry about in the lead up to it (i.e. cooking for 38 people is more consistent than for 160, since there is no dancing I don’t have to worry about sore feet etc etc).

    If I were you, I would weigh up what is more important to you – getting married sooner or having a bigger wedding.

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I don’t think you’ll regret waiting years to save $40k for one day. That’s my personal opinion. The bigger the wedding, the more that can go wrong in my mind. We kept it small and have been treating ourselves to nice vacations with upgraded flight seats and everything since our wedding with the money we would have spent on a big wedding. Still have more trips planned 😊
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  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    We originally planned for a large 200+ wedding with a 2 year engagement. With COVID, we ended up having a 10 guest ceremony (26 month engagement). We were going to keep the reception for this year as things cleared up, but we decided to use the money to instead have an amazing honeymoon trip next year. We did lose out on some money from deposits on vendors we didn’t use, but it was less than what we still had to pay. There are definitely moments I still wish we had the big event to share the day with everyone (we didn’t even get to have our wedding party at the wedding), but the small ceremony ended up being a better decision for us overall.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    We splurged by having smaller events (15 guests at a destination wedding in our state, 50 at a local reception). It’s up to you if you want a big party or more upscale event. No regrets here!
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    If I were in your shoes, knowing now what planning a wedding entails, I would encourage you to set a date for 2023. I would recommend saving your funds for one event and make it what you really want. I had a smaller wedding (110 guests) last year and we did love it, but planning during this pandemic is really complicated. This would allow you to spread out expenses over time, which I found really helpful financially. Good luck ❤️❤️❤️
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  • Samantha
    Super August 2022
    Samantha ·
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    We're going with about 35-40 people. I originally wanted a 150 person, perfectly rented place settings, bistro lights everywhere, neon sign with our last name, signature cocktail with hand painted bar menu, big shindig. But while that's me, it's not us and it was going to cost a lot. We decided that our most important things were: getting married on our 5 year anniversary (about 14 months after we got engaged), having the most important people around us (parents, siblings, besties), and good food. We weren't going to have enough money to have the wedding I was envisioning by August of 2022 for our anniversary, so we made some decisions and I am so happy with the way things are coming together!

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    To me it was important to just be married. My dream was to get married at Walt Disney World, who doesn’t want to be a princess for the day?! We would have had to push out of date at least a year so we could save (which would have then put us in the middle of Covid so good thing we didn’t).
    We went with a “small” wedding at home (less than 100 invited and only 60 showed). It was perfect. The day was amazing and I left with a husband. Not once during the day (or really after) did I ever think I wish we would have waited. (Sometimes I wish we could have waited and still wonder what it would be like to get married at WDW, but not in a sad I regret it way).
    So what’s important to you? Is getting married most important or is having a big party most important? If being married already is priority go with the smaller event. I don’t think you’ll regret it. You can always keep saving and do a delayed honeymoon. If having the big bash is priority then take some time and save and plan the biggest best bash!
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  • C
    Just Said Yes December 2023
    Chloe Grace ·
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    Thank you all! We talked it over and I think we're going with 2023 and whatever we can comfortably save is what our budget will be and our guest list will have to fit around it Smiley smile . Plus, I had a few inquiries out for 2022 and 2023 dates and one of our top 3 venues has an opening on December 2, 2023.

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  • B
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Bobbi ·
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    The sooner the better😊!
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