Lots of Bridesmaids

Only ask those you are current bestest friends with. I have never heard of hinting before you ask them but would never do that. Either ask them point blank privately so there is no pressure to say yes (that exists with the boxes of gifts and in groups) or skip it.

No hinting. That is like saying, you are under consideration for something you may or may not get. Nicely, privately, with NO box of gifts to provide pressure, ask each bridesmaid. Have at hand wedding date and location, and if travel is requires to the wedding, or time off.

All of my bridesmaids knew they would be asked prior to me asking! But we are all extremely close and it was kind of a given.


I will also add, 9 can be a lot. That’s coming from someone with 12 LOL. if I could go back, the very first thing I would change about my wedding plans is how many people I have in my bridal party. I love them all SO much, like would do anything for them - but with everything that goes into planning, that many people to put in a dress they all like, dates that work for everyone for showers and bachelorettes, hair/makeup + day of gifts, it really can be a lot! Just for reference! LOL.

But to answer your actual question, if you're not great friends with her and you know she doesn't love large groups of girls she may not know (I'm assuming), I may would just invite her to join as a guest!

Also, I asked my bridesmaids with very cute boxed gifts and they LOOOOVED it. Not that that was even part of your question LOL

View Quoted Comment Thanks MK! Very helpful. Lol 12 is so many!! If you made it work that’s awesome, and I bet it was so much fun!! I don’t know why I’m struggling so much with choosing bridesmaids. I have friends from all parts of my life, 3 from high school, 1 bestie I met through work, 2 cousins, and 3 from college and a SIL. It would be nicer if it we were all one extremely close friends. I think I will just make a decision and stick to it! Thanks so much!

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Pick the ones you are closest to right now as bridesmaids. Other friends can be guests and yes a guest is a huge honor.

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Definitely agree with no proposal "gifts".

View Quoted Comment That’s the best! My bridal party is made up of childhood friends, cousins, college friends, friends I made through other friends as an adult etc.! It’s been really fun pulling all of those friendships together and having them all meet each other. I’m still anxiously waiting until September, but it really has been so fun thus far! I just never knew what all went into having such a large bridal party until I had my own. It’s so rewarding and I adore them all so much, I just was totally clueless to what that size would entail!


You’ll figure it all out! It’ll be beautiful and you’ll have your nearest and dearest up with you in the end!!

View Quoted Comment That’s wonderful! Sounds like it will be a blast! I think it will be a lot of fun, so I’m trying not to feel stressed about it haha, life is too short! Where will you plan on having everyone get ready the day of the wedding?

View Quoted Comment Agreed! All of the girls will get ready at the venue that morning and the guys will be at a conference room at a hotel next door!

View Quoted Comment Is your SIL someone you would ask if she were not groom/ or your brother's sister? Is sheas much a friend in addition to that? Same for cousins! Because family often get to feeling they are the least ypur real friends in the who wedding party. Leading to their having very little to do with the group, or petty jealousies and ego games. Better to feel a part of the family, in the pews, than as though the bride asked you out of oblogation.

Mine all knew ahead of time haha

I would try really hard not to worry about their reaction to you asking, because you can't control that. Ask who you want to ask (making sure you are asking for the right reasons of close relationships rather than obligation, nostalgia for past relationships, or aspirations of creating a new relationship), knowing that they might say no or might say yes unenthusiastically. No matter what their response, you will still have a nice wedding.