Maid Of Honor Advice !!!

I struggled with this as well but ended up going with my best friend that had been there since I was 4. We live across the country now and only see each other once or twice a year, but that didn’t really matter. What sealed the deal for me was asking the question “who do I see standing by side and making the moh speech”. After that, the decision was easy.

My two maids are my 11 year old nieces. Their bro is my ring bearer. They’re my only wedding party and I won’t count on them to do anything except show up and look cute. So I will be curious to see what others say.

I was my sister’s maid of honor about 20 years ago (I’m 40 now). I was not reliable and she knew that but she loved messy ol me. For that reason she had her best friend be her matron of honor. I was not insulted. She needed her bff to step up when I could not!

I think you should go off of who you can't imagine your day with. Even though you are not as close, some friends have the ability to pick up right where they left off. Pick her in spite of what may happen. We plan weddings and in 10 years we could be divorced.

Personally I believe it should be the one you envision being there for you on your big day, the one you can’t see doing it without. Im all about the type of relationship I have with someone. You can never know for sure who you’ll still be in contact with in 10 years. Try to enjoy the now and enjoy your planning.

I would go with your best friend because no matter the time apart or distance they are always there and genuinely happy for you.

This is a tough one..
Here are some options
1. Don’t have one and assign task to the bridesmaids

2. Have two and split responsibilities, that way it doesn’t fall on one person.

3. Pick your child hood best friend and the girl whose good at planning stuff maybe ask her to help the MOH. For example, my FH sister is great at planning but I didn’t ask her to be my MOH , but because she is the FH she has been very helpful and willing to do things. I have one BM that I haven’t known as long as my MH who really wanted to help plan something , so I asked my MH if she could help her as long as it doesn’t come off as I think this person is better , but as this person is excited to help or asked me to help but I told her my MOH would take care of it and you could help.

Your relationship in my opinion is what you should go off of and the CURRENT state of it. You just said you guys don't talk as often anymore. I doubt that would change solely, because your getting married. I'm thinking you can meet up and chit chat and nourish that friendship some more then decide for sure. I wouldn't ask someone that i feel we are on rocky terms or not as close a before. If your close with your sister in law then you ask her solely because you want to not on how much she can help. You never know she may come through for you. Any other bridesmaids? they should all be helping, not just the maid of honor only. So maybe someone else can step in where someone else lacks.

Anyone in your bridal party should be chosen because of their relationship to you not because they may do things for you. While your nearest and dearest may do things for you, they are not required to do so. The MOH should be chosen because this is your dearest friend/family member who you love and couldn't imagine getting married without that person standing up next to you while you declare your vows to your spouse.

Relationship!! I don't want someone next to me on one of the biggest days of my life because of their planning skills. Just because they are a MOH doesn't mean you HAVE to task them with the traditional responsibilities or that they have to do everything alone. Delegate tasks to whom you see fit but don't assign important bridal party roles based on skillset.

Never ask someone to be in your bridal party based off what they can do for you. Base it off what they mean to you. I didn't ask anything of my girls, they knocked everything out of the park, I just knew my day was not complete without them next to me.

I'm not relaying on my MOH to do anything. I only have her and my FH only has his best man. I don't want to put a lot of work on her when she has her own things to take care of as she is a single parent.

I have down a lot of planning with my mom and a friend of mine who has helped plan several weddings now. My friend will probably also be the one who throws my bridal shower.

I just thought about something else. I have a childhood best friend that I’ve known since third grade, we are 30 now. We weren’t as close the last few years, but because of my relationship with her parents and our history, I put her in the wedding as a BM. Fast forward, she hasn’t been reliable . I put her in the wedding to possibly build our relationship and because of history, but my wedding didn’t go anything for our current relationship except for remind me why we weren’t as close . I love her and I wanted her to still be present, but I should have had a hard conversation and not give her that responsibility . I’m not sure if it’s the same for you .

You all have made very valid points and Im not only looking to pick some who “will do the most for me” I didn’t go into much detail of the matter. And it’s much more complicated then I put in the OP just to save you all the long story. My best friend and I were really close , as in she helped me through one of the hardest experiences in my life. She stepped up for me when I needed her most. But within the last 3 years we became distant after she didn’t something very questionable that made me doubt her loyalty to me as a friend and sister. We have moved on from that,and I have continuously tried to build on our relationship and move forward but she makes it’s difficult at times. I miss her so much as a friend and sister, i love her with all my heart. And even though I love my Sister In laws and am very close with them, the bond we have isn’t the same as the one I have with my best friend. I guess I miss the way she was before she did what she did. We were such a great team and I know us together planning my wedding would be so much fun since we are both such creative people. I want to ask her to be my MOH but I’m just worried that it won’t be enough to save our friendship. I don’t think I would have as much fun planning with my sister in laws since they are very ehh, indecisive about a lot of things and just have different personalities. They have been there to see my relationship but haven’t seen my relationship in vulnerable moments like my Bf has.

There is no telling for sure where you and your friend will be 10 years from now. However, I can tell you this, I asked my best friend from high school (also a great MOH type) to be one of my bridesmaids. We had hardly seen each other for the last few years, so I was nervous but she was thrilled and it has actually made us grow closer again. She has turned out to be the best help out of all my bridesmaids, so organized and always helping to come up with ideas and plans. I actually wish I could make her another MOH, but I already have two (my sister and another best friend of mine). I think you should ask her to be your MOH, because she will probably be the best fit for the job, and I'd be willing to bet it would rebuild that friendship that already has a solid foundation, maybe even to last 10 years and more down the line. But at the very least, ask her to be a bridesmaid and then use that to connect with her, because she would probably still be a great addition.

100% a MOH (and BMs) should be based on the relationship you have with the person. Not what they can do for you. The reason you have a MOH and BMs is to honor those people as being special in your life.

I'm in sort of the same situation.

After picking my flaky best friend to be MOH, I can definitely tell you that picking someone reliable and responsible will benefit you in the long run. My MOH is neither of those things and while she is my best friend and I don't regret picking her, things would be easier in general if I had chosen someone more responsible and reliable.

ETA: I have no expectations of her except to order her dress, but even that is like pulling teeth.

View Quoted Comment

Forget the FSILs, it sounds like the choice is between "sister"/ BF from HS and current BF. Or no one at all! It also sounds like you still harbor some ill-feelings about whatever happened with your "sister" and that's the hesitation.

I don't think anyone can tell you who to pick/ what to do, but I will say that if you choose one or the other, your relationship can always change during the planning and after the wedding. Relationship evolve and change. I think a PP nailed it though by saying whose speech could you imagine at your wedding?

As an aside, I have a BM that did something awful to me a few years ago and I asked her to stand up kind of as an I forgive you let's salvage this relationship (we've been family friends for 25 years). It's been pretty great since and I know she values being included and that we have been able to move forward. It definitely didn't make me forget, but I do forgive. Relationships and people aren't always perfect.

I planned to ask my college roommate as my Maid of Honor and my childhood best friend to be my Matron of Honor. I decided to just go with the Maid of Honor because my roommate was closest with BOTH my FH and I and while we will have only known each other ~5 years on my wedding, we have went through some deep stuff (she had cancer at age 20). My childhood friend understood just being a bridesmaid and we have honestly become closer throughout this wedding planning process! She has lived 15 hours away due to her husband being in the army and recently moved back. I don't expect any of my girls to do anything to help me but my childhood friend has been great about checking in and giving input.

I think we put too much pressure on these roles and titles. Just think about the people you love and will have fun with! While it's nice to have a bridal party that you will be friends forever with, I think you would regret at least not including your childhood friend. No matter what happens with your friendship, 40 years from now you will appreciate the photos and memories you have with her on your wedding day.

I was in a similar situation. One of my best friends from childhood and I always talked about being each other’s MOH, but we’ve grown apart since college because of previous boyfriends (on both sides). So I really struggled in what to do. Do I ask her anyways, because there was that slight expectation? Do I go with someone else as MOH by ask her to be a bridesmaid? Do I not ask her at all? I ended up doing the latter and asked my best friend from college to be my MOH and a long-time family friend to be my BM because at this time in my life, I could not imagine having anyone else by my side on that special day. Since then, she and I have become closer again and I have found other ways to include her. My advice is not to do something because it feels expected or you feel obligated. Your heart knows what it wants, and this is one of those times where I think you should follow it. You can find other ways to include her, like maybe having her serve as a sort of day-of-coordinator or something like that.

100% based on who has the closest relationship with the bride. My very best friend in the world has lived 5 mins from me for 12 years. But 1 year before the wedding, she moved halfway across the country lol. She knew she was moving before I got engaged but as soon as I got engaged, it was a no-brainer for her to be my MOH. Before I had asked her though, she brought it up with me one day (because someone else made a joke about it being implied that she was my MOH, but she and I hadn’t discussed it), and she was saying she just wanted to make sure that I didn’t feel pressured to have her as my MOH or even in my bridal party because she wouldn’t be able to be as helpful as some of my local friends. I told her that was ridiculous and irrelevant and of course there was no one else I’d rather have next to me, and would she PLEASE be my MOH hahaha. Would it be nicer if she was local/able to be more helpful and hands on? Absolutely. But she answers every silly wedding text I send her and she’s been my #1 for more than half my life haha. I think that is by far the most important thing!