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Just Said Yes March 2023

Maid of honor drama

Jessica, on March 13, 2023 at 7:42 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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Hello, coming on here to get un biased opinions. I have my best friend of 8 years who is taking the role of maid of honor. I’m very diss appointed as she has been picking fights with my other bridesmaids and coming to me with every single problem. She started a group chat with the other bridesmaid to begin my bachelorette. She made the chat and never wrote anything else in there for weeks. She came to me saying she really had nothing to add as she had no money . So all the other girls were ready to purchase tickets and for her not to feel left out I offered to buy her flight and she could pay me back as she could. She agreed and we purchased ticket and she seemed to have felt better afterwards. Several weeks go by and my other bridesmaids that I’m very close to , mentioned having a hard time planning as my moh is never present and always says she busy when they try to make final decisions . I had to talk to moh about it and she said she’s just been so busy and really didn’t like talking to them as they would talk about outfits and that didn’t matter to her. Just a straight Debby downer and complaining about everything. Keep in mind she’s always posting online and she works from home and I know she responds when she wants to. After the talk she acknowledges she has been singling herself out because she can’t connect with those girls and doesn’t care to be there friends . Knowing they are my good friends but ok I said that’s fine I don’t expect you to be friends just be cordial. After weeks I thought the issue was fixed. She sends me a message saying “I’m done with the chat. You take over. I don’t give a damn I don’t want to be apart of it” I ask her what happened and no response. I ask the other bridesmaids and they tell me she got upset because a bathing suit cover up. She liked a certain coverup and another girl threw a suggestion for something else. She tells the girl in the chat that her idea is irrelevant because she likes the other coverup, and for her to stop changing her ideas. So of course the other bridesmaids got upset because they said her responses are always so negative and very hostile. I’m then added on the chat to try and calm things and she gets upset because I stayed neutral. She writes me and tells me I never have her back and that she doesn’t want to be apart of anything anymore. That I haven’t made her feel like moh and done nothing to make her stand out from the other girls. I don’t know what she wants me to she has the title? I tell her at this point I don’t want her to even go to the bachelorette because of all the drama she’s caused. She then said idc what you want I’m going I’ve already spent money on xyz. There is so much more, but that sums up the biggest issue. I just feel like this whole time I’ve had to make her comfortable. She’s thrown crazy suggestions that she wants her moh dress to be different color and style because she wants to stand out even though that’s not what I want . I want all the girls wearing the same dress. She’s been so negative about everything and seems like I’m having to accommodate her and make her happy. Keep in mind k haven’t asked of anything to her besides stay cordial with the girls. I told her many times I would help financially with bachelorette planning etc. I’m not doing a bridal shower so she has nothing to do there. I haven’t asked her to do anything besides that and she refused because she doesn’t like the girls. note : the girls have done nothing to her they’ve been nothing but nice to her. But she just says they are not her vibe apparently. Opinions?

Edited by WeddingWire

16 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on March 14, 2023 at 12:49 PM
  • C
    Just Said Yes April 2024
    Carrie414 ·
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    I agree that she should be removed from the group chat. If she is uncomfortable being in the chat and it only brings negativity to her and the other girls, I belive it best not to force it and not include her in the chat. As for her still being your maid of honor, that's a decision you will have to make. Have you done anything to make her feel negatively? I'm assuming not, so its best to reevaluate if you want her as a MOH and, in turn, a friend. Has your friendship been plagued by this toxicity or is this new? If the majority of your friendship has been negative or toxic, I would reconsider having her as a friend. If this is new behavior, set up a clear and honest boundary about her behavior and your expectations going forward. This also includes having a clear boundary for the bachelorette party if you allow her to attend. If all else fails and you really don't want her to attend, you can also change the Bachelorette plans to not include her. And tell her that you will do this so she can work on getting her money back or a having solo trip 😏 I've never been an advocate for keeping toxic people in your life just because you've known each other for a long time, life is stressful enough already.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    This is your best friend of 8 years, sounds like a relationship that you would like to continue after you're married? If so, then don't kick her out of the wedding party or the bachelorette.

    Sounds like she doesn't have funds to meet the expectations of the rest of the wedding party for a destination bachelorette and other things, like the cover up. I'm assuming that's a photo prop for the bachelorette?

    Anyway, she only has to purchase her wedding attire and show up ready for photos. She's not doing anything wrong here.

    PS- I wouldn't remove her from the group chat. That will make her feel shunned and dismissed by everyone.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Jessica ·
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    She has just always been more on the negative side as person in general. She’s always going through drama in her life and I tend to keep my distance because it can be draining. I just don’t find it fair that she’s told me 3xs already she doesn’t want to be apart of anything simply because she doesn’t like the other girls. And doesn’t see the bigger picture of being there for me. She gets mad at them and then gets mad at me for not siding with her. She’s always been a jealous friend , so I feel like she does not like that I have a group of girlfriends. She has sent me snarky comments through the process saying you need new friends because she’ll bait them with comments she doesn’t mean as she is “testing” them. I’m just over it. Lord to think about
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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Jessica ·
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    I did remove her from the chat. It’s her 3rd time telling me she doesn’t want to be apart of it. I didn’t want to remove her because I know she says it out of anger but I’m just fed up. It’s deff always been a one sided friendship mainly because I’ve “needed” her to do anything for me. She is always going through hardships and I’ve always been there with positivity and listening to her problems. This is the one time I’ve needed of her. & she finds any drama to start and then comes to me about it. She’s always been s jealous friend since way before. She would always get upset if she saw me with other friends. She would always just say I’m jk but it never felt like a joke.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Your MOH is clearly feeling pressured. A bachelorette is optional and voluntary. If she doesn't want to plan one or isn't able that's up to her. Either someone else offers or it doesn't happen. If you value your friendship, I would remember that the MOH role is an honor, not a job.

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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    I felt from your original post that she was probably jealous of your other friends. Also, the hardships she has had likely make her feel insecure. The weddings then draw out some more emotions in people -- which is too bad. Hope this still can work out decently.

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  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
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    By selecting her as MOH you’re signifying that she is one of your most valued friendships, but from the way you describe her, it doesn’t sound like your relationship with her is enjoyable, even outside of the wedding. As others have said, I would reflect on whether you’re planning to stay friends with this person beyond the wedding. Removing her as MOH is something that emotionally affects a lot of people, and your friend sounds like the type who will react strongly to that. So asking her to stop down will probably be a dealbreaker for her. But that’s a good thing if this is a toxic friendship, and while it may be hard, it will ultimately bring you a lot more peace. If, however, you want to stay friends, I would sit down and have a heart to heart with her about how she wants to be involved going forward, whether that’s just standing with you the day of (the only requirement for MOH) or participating in the bachelorette, in which case her opinions and budget are definitely relevant but not the final say. And if she can’t afford the bachelorette but wants to be involved, I would reconsider your plans to accommodate everyone in your party’s budget.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Jessica ·
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    We spoke for 2 hours before this last drama outbreak , and expressed my concerns. I’ve asked her multiple times if it’s a financial I can always change things or even help out. She insists it’s not that, and she doesn’t want to change the plans. I do feel that ive tried to find out what the issue is. And it rally just seems like she doesn’t like the girls. she’s told me before she thinks the other girls are prettier and she’s the only one whose body is different etc. I cannot control these things ?? And she’s lashed out at me 3xs time aggressively now I’ve ignored it to keep the peace. But sending me messages that’s she’s done and doesn’t want to participate is not something . I tell her I no longer wish to speak to her until she is calm. She then says I won’t apologize and I’ll just talk to you when you’re over it. I’m torn because she has good qualities as a friend and idk why now she’s choosing to just be unbearable to be around . She is easily triggered now more then over. And I can’t help fix something she won’t talk about. Besides I don’t like them or they way they text is annoying ? Seems like she’s just nit picking . Anyways thank you everyone for your comments
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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Jessica ·
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    And I’ve always told her she’s crazy’s a he’s beautiful why are you comparing yourself to them ! It’s definitely an insecurity issue. And I just don’t feel like I can constantly be reassuring her . And calming her down after every tantrum because one girl disagrees with her idea. She wants to have the final say which is fine but then doesn’t participate in the chat and is always busy and can’t communicate with the girls. It’s frustrating .
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Wait, is your wedding this month? If so, ignore toxic because it's not about her. If she shows up, she shows up. If not, then she's not mature enough to support you and be civil with others. I understood her a little about the coverup as a silly prop, but you shouldn't pander to one friend. Not now. You can't control when, if, and how others finally get their stuff together. Focus on the love and support of your partner and others who do stand for you.

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  • C
    CM ·
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    I think there is fault on both sides. Yours for originally believing the bachelorette was her job to plan and also for not trying to shut down the coverup thing when you had the chance. Your MOH for her overall negative attitude and specifically for thinking she or anyone had any right to dictate what bathing suit coverup everyone wears. That was ridiculous and an imposition, especially considering her own finances. All the bridesmaids should have been consulted on the bridesmaids dresses, so although you have discretion in the end nothing was so very wrong with her giving an opinion there.

    She's obviously a very insecure and jealous person so you asking her to step down would likely end the friendship. If that's not what you want, you can tell her she has no responsibilities other than standing up with you, is not obligated to plan or attend the bachelorette, interact with the other bridesmaids or anything else, but that you will nevertheless understand if what she's saying is she's out and would be most comfortable stepping down. Put the ball in her court.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Jessica ·
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    Yes , I recognize that which is why I’ve it bought after our talk we had fixed it. I told her I don’t exp see r her to plan this whole thing. I paid for her flight and hotel. So believe me i never has expectations on any of that . I am on not on this chat so I didn’t j kw what was going on about the ridiculous matching and color coordination she was planning. The reason this has escalated is simply because the girls don’t agree on every detail she sends and she takes it personal. I’ve told her they are here to help you you are not to do this alone. But she blows up and then tells the girls you guys take over because you girls don’t like my ideas . I just feel like I’m life you need to pick your battles and she’s picking fights over colors and outfits which is not even important !!!
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  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
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    It sounds like this is all stressing you out and weddings are stressful enough. If you were just added to the group chat to be a mediator of some sort, not because they wanted you to help with the planning, I would just talk to all the bridesmaids and MOH and let them know that this is stressing you out and that you hope they’re able to come together and be able to at least be civil, but that you are respectfully requesting to be left out of minor arguments. I know sometimes there are disagreements within the bridal party where we’re like tell the bride, but they’ve told you and your involvement hasn’t solved anything. Remove yourself and destress. Like I suggested before, ask your MOH if she wants to be involved in the bachelorette or not. If not, then she shouldn’t have to get updates on a chat all day for an event she won’t be a part of (which will likely provoke her even more).
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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Jessica ·
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    It is very stressful . She said she didn’t want to be a part of it and I said ok that’s fine so she has been removed from the chat. She then says I am going out of spite . Her exact words I don’t care what you want now I am going. Since then she’s deleted one of the other bridesmaids off social media. She’s caused tension and is saying she is going now after she’s created all this drama. We are sharing a room with the girl that she deleted and doesn’t like. I cannot see that going well as she is aggressive and is not civil when she is mad. If she goes I will be on edge and concerned a fight will outbreak due to her being quick to anger, alcohol being involved and us sharing a room.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    If you want my honest opinion, it sounds like it will be a s#$@ show if she goes and if at all possible at this point I'd be inclined to cancel the whole thing. Destination bachelorettes are inherently stressful because, let's face it, they are a burden on people in terms of time and money. It's not easy in the best of situations for people with different finances and preferences to agree and even worse when you're dealing with people who can't get along with others.

    That's assuming you want to maintain a relationship with this person after the wedding.

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  • J
    Just Said Yes March 2023
    Jessica ·
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    The thing is no one else has expressed concerns. I do understand the burden of it. But everything is purchased from flights to hotel to shows will be participating in. 6 girls total and no has expressed any issues except my moh. We purchase her flight and hotel. Another incident prior she got upset because the girls bought tickets to a show individually and she was upset they didn’t purchase hers. Even after expressing she didn’t like them but still expected them to buy her ticket . It’s been ridiculous honestly. I’m just done. She is the doing the silent game we’ll see if she comes around . Thank you! It’s been multiple situations but I’d be on here forever listing every red flag I’ve noticed she’s been doing since the planning began.
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