Maid of Honor Issues

You could also just not have an MOH and just have only bridesmaids

While it's obviously a personal decision, if I were in your situation, I would make my sister the MOH. I would choose the person closest to you over the person who you expect to fulfill the MOH "duties" (I think that choosing based on the 'duties' criteria is not a good idea, but that's another issue...). I'm sure that your best friend would still be happy to take the lead in planning you a bachelorette party even if she's not the official MOH. My advice is to choose the person closest to you--do not choose based on who is best at planning parties

You shouldn't pick a maid of honor based on what she can do for you. The bridal party isn't responsible for helping plan your wedding. You should pick the person you have the closest relationship with. If you don't want to pick between them, then I wouldn't have a maid of honor. It isn't necessary.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I don’t know much about the traditions within weddings, my friend was the one telling me that the maid of honor should be someone who can best fulfill all the “duties”. It definitely feels more right choosing the maid of honor based off relationship not planning.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your insight! I really am not familiar with wedding traditions, my friend was the one explaining to me that you usually pick maid of honor based off those things.

I would pick your friend TBH. My sister and I made a pact when we were younger (like 15-16) that when we got married we would not choose the other to be our MOH.

To give an idea of why this was even a conversation we had, my sister and I are often compared to the sun and moon, that's how different our personalities are. I'm a crazy planner and she's more go with the flow. We can get frustrated when the other can't see what we want.

I think it's a little harsh of pp to say that you shouldn't pick MOH over "duties". Obviously that should not be the only reason you pick someone but, if both of these girls are closer to you, I personally would lean towards the one who is more of a planner. Plus with your sister busy with college and school, it would be best to have your friend as MOH since she might have more time on her hands.

My close friend is my MOH and it has made the process so much easier! My sister enjoys listening to plans but, she's thankful I made her a bridesmaid, especially since my friend is more interested in weddings and talking wedding stuff than my sister.

I would go with the person you feel like won't get annoyed/stressed if you included them in your planning/want to talk about your wedding a lot.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with this.

I feel like a tie goes to your sister, but in this case, maybe ask her about how she'd feel about having your friend be MOH. The titles don't necessarily have to be related to how much work each person does, but they usually are.

I always knew I would have my sister be my MOH someday, even when there were periods where we necessarily didn't get along. If you are worried about having your girls help you with pre wedding event planning and any DIY projects or something, just be up front with all three of your BMs about what you need help with and I'm sure they'll help. You don't need to choose a MOH based on who you think will do tasks better, just be a strong delegater. All three of them can work together on how they want to handle tasks.

There are not MOH “duties” other than showing up. If your bridal party chooses to do more, great - but choose the person you are closest to, as they should not feel pressured to do anything else.

To preface, the only obligations anyone in your bridal party has is to turn up to the wedding and provide support on the day. A lot of MOHs do take on planning duties, however this is by no means a requirement.

I would pick your sister. Weddings have been known to sour a lot of friendships, particularly where the bride has had certain expectations and has been left disappointed, and I think it would mean a lot to your sister to have that title. My little sister is my bridesmaid and my aunt (my big sister essentially) is my MOH because my sister is 15 and it’s just more appropriate for my aunt to be MOH.

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THIS!

The only duty a MOH has is to buy the dress and stand beside you during the ceremony. Everything else is your responsibility and the responsibility of a wedding planner should you choose to have one. There is no such thing as other MOH duties.

So with that said, you should choose your sister. All bridal party members should be chosen for their relationship with you, not based on what they can and can't do for you or for the wedding.

How about all 3 are bridesmaids? A MOH title isn’t necessary. That seems like the best plan since you’re struggling with the decision. All 3 can pitch in together.

You have to pick whoever you want standing right by your side on your big day, holding your bouquet and helping with your train if you have them.


Be aware, though, that there could be some future issues. You don’t want to pick your sister but let the bridesmaid do all of the work. I’m a major planner and was a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding. Her MOH and other bridesmaids weren’t really involved. I was the one planning her shower and bachelorette parties, and her mom was helping with the shower stuff. Everything has been postponed to next year, and the bride asked me to be a co-MOH. She did this because I was the only one doing stuff and she felt it wasn’t fair. I was trying super hard not to be upset about lack of help from the MOH (who gets all the credit), but being asked as an afterthought also wasn’t the best feeling. If you pick your sister, make sure she’s willing to participate just as much as the bridesmaid. No, they’re not obligated to throw or plan pre wedding parties, but if they decide to do so, the work shouldn’t fall entirely on your friend.

My friend got married and her situation was similar, especially with her sister being in college and not a big planner and her sister didn’t mind being a bridesmaid and not MoH if that helps your decision

Personally i would pick your sister. Your friend will still do all the things that need to get done it sounds like, but your sister will be so hurt if you don't pick her and that may cause a strain on your relationship going forward. If you tell your sister what you need help with and relay to her that you want to know she shares in your excitement, I'm sure she'll surprise you.