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J
July 2020

Maid of Honor issues!!

Jill, on May 29, 2020 at 6:53 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 45
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Hello everyone!

I am the mother of the bride and my daughter has chosen a friend , who my husband and I absolutely dislike, to be her Maid of Honor. This girl and my daughter have a long history of ups and downs, drama and friendship. This girl and I do NOT get along and the situation has deteriorated to the point where she doesn't acknowledge me at all. She ignores me and wont even look at me. She gets along with my husband, for the most part, but doesn't like me at all. I know I can't control who my daughter picks for her maid of honor, but I am very concerned for what will happen on the wedding day. The thought of this girl being in that position just makes me sick to my stomach.
Does anyone have any advice on how this should be handled or has anyone ever been in my position before?
Help! Sincerely,Wedding Day Distraught

45 Comments

Latest activity by RaylaSan, on June 2, 2020 at 1:38 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Ummm I don’t see what needs to be handled? You got to pick your maid of honor for your wedding, your daughter gets to choose hers.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    This is your daughter's wedding so respect her choices and leave it at that.
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    Hi, I’m sorry you have to deal with this and it sounds like it is stressing you out.
    I would try not to worry about it too much, until something happens. Like you said, you can’t control who your daughter picks. I’m sure your daughter really thought about it before deciding who to pick so I wouldn’t mention this to your daughter at all.
    All you can do is be cordial. If you’re planning on hosting a shower for your daughter then you might need to interact with the MOH but apart from that you guys probably won’t need to talk much during wedding planning.
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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    I didn't pick a Maid of Honor that hated my parents. I was very careful to choose someone that everyone got along with, and someone who was a good friend. I just think that a discussion needs to happen to prevent wedding day drama.
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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    I am, but this girl brings drama everywhere and her issues with me are a concern.
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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    Well, my daughter let us know that she feels that this person would be really hurt if she didnt pick her and she owes it to her to make her the maid of honor at her wedding. Theres more to their history, but I don't want to get into it any more.
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  • J
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    Unfortunately some people are like that. Be supportive of your daughter when she needs you. Ignore the other girl as much as you can and be nice when you have to interact.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I see where you are coming from, and it is a place of concern. However, there are certain lessons that just need to be learned by experiencing them. I don't think it is your place to tell you daughter who should or should not be her maid of honor. You had your thought process years ago, and I'm sure she had hers for choosing who she chose. The best you can do is support your adult daughter in the decisions she is making. Chances are, if you speak up, it will probably be more likely that your daughter will be annoyed with you for criticizing her decisions rather than "seeing the light."
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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    I know you are right...its just a sore subject for us especially when there are so many other girls she could have chosen that are better suited for the task.
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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    I know, it will be hard....but I have to be the bigger person that day.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with everyone else that you get no say in your daughter's choice. And beyond this friendship you don't like, your daughter is an adult and free to make her own choices, even bad ones! Your time to protect and insulate her from her choices is over.

    The good news is that there's very little that one person can actually to do ruin a wedding day. Return the favor of ignoring this person and just go about your life. Really, there's no reason for you to interact with her at all. It takes two to drama.

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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    I know...that's one good thing about the situation. I just wish my daughter would have picked someone else better suited for the task.
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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Our parents didn’t really interact with our wedding party on the day of. So I’m not sure if this is something that will come up.
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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    That's my saving grace... but, just being near her makes me ill...
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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    There's no reason for her to have much, if any, interaction with you on the wedding day. All she needs to do is stand by your daughter during the ceremony and pose for pictures. That can be accomplished without even speaking with each other. Trying to talk you daughter into no longer having this girl as her maid of honor is only going to create more drama. What has caused her to dislike you so much that you're afraid of what will happen at the wedding?


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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    It's a whole bunch of things that have to do with trust, respect and boundries. All of which she has violated.
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    I think your concerns may be getting the best of you here. Really, that day is about your daughter getting married. You won't be focused on her MOH at all. It's her decision and if it brings drama, it's on her. You'll start drama by making a bigger deal out of it than necessary, which completely ruins your point of not wanting drama.

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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    I see your point, but having her as the MOH is part of the drama I am concerned about
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Right, but now there's no drama to be concerned about. She hasn't done anything "wrong," so you're causing drama by making a big deal out of it. I don't think anything should be done until the MOH starts causing drama, and then it's your daughter's responsibility as a friend to talk to her and figure out what's up; it's not your place. Right now you're concerned about hypothetical drama that hasn't started, so don't start the very drama you're concerned about by bringing up a hypothetical problem.

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  • J
    July 2020
    Jill ·
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    Its inevitable. Everytime she was invited to a family function as my daughters guest, there was drama. She creates drama everywhere she goes. I am simply concerned about how her behavior will affect the day...
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