Maid of Honor issues!!

What’re your fears that could happen on the wedding day as her being MOH?

I was bridesmaid in a wedding where the MOH had that same sort of "drama-filled" relationship with the bride that you describe. I promised myself that if the MOH started to "stir the pot" I would run interference so the bride could just enjoy her wedding day. And you know what? I never had to step in, as the MOH was well behaved the entire time. Sometimes adults can behave like adults when it's important that they do so. I would gently suggest that all you can do is focus on controlling your own behaviour to make it as stress free for your daughter as possible. And if the MOH wants to be a brat, let her.

View Quoted Comment My biggest fear that day is that she will act like a jerk towards me and cause drama with the rest of the bridal party. I cant believe my daughter picked this girl as her MOH when she could have picked someone way better suited for the honor. There is nothing honorable about this girl at all!!

View Quoted Comment My biggest fear is she will do her usual nonsense and that will cause drama with the other members of the bridal party.

View Quoted Comment As someone else said, it takes 2 people to start drama. If you and the other bridesmaids just ignore her, there isn't much she can do. And if she starts throwing things or whatever (not sure what kind of drama you mean), then she can be escorted out of the building. Everyone is adults, and part of being an adult is sometimes ignoring someone who is acting dumb. Engaging is the same as giving in to a toddler's tantrums. You stop paying attention and they stop screaming eventually.

Okay, I was the MOB for daughter's wedding. If your daughter, the bride, chose to have this woman as her MOH I think it would be best if you just decide you are going to accept her choice and make the best of it. Worrying about "drama" isn't going to make a bit of difference regarding whether the MOH causes drama at the wedding or not. All it does is make you miserable and potentially create tension in your relationship with your daughter. For my daughter and SIL's wedding we had concerns about a couple people: a family member and her four kids who can be an absolute handful (they were in the wedding because daughter felt like she had to ask them) and SIL's mom (his parents are divorced and his mom has a lot of anger about a bunch of stuff -- and has definitely caused "drama" in the past). Did we all worry a bit about what could happen? Yes, but, obviously, the potential drama-bringers had to be invited/included in the wedding. We did our best to be welcoming and gracious to everyone -- being the bigger people even with people who definitely didn't always seem to deserve it. Was there drama? Yeah, some. The kids and their mom were problematic at times, and the MOG got mad at her own sister for TALKING to the FOG, and we found out after the wedding that MOG "punched" FOG's date in the ladies room.... (Heavy sign....) But, you know what? Daughter and SIL had an AWESOME wedding. I like -- a lot -- all but one of daughter's 5 BMs/MOHs, but I barely had time to interact with them the entire weekend. We had a couple quick conversations in passing, but that's it. Daughter and I are super close and we had the most perfect and memorable day. Worrying about all this isn't likely to help. Give yourself (and your daughter) a gift and let this go. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Believe me I wish I could let this go, but its rather complicated and deep. I dont know why my daughter feels the need to make her the MOH, but for some reason she does...

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I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. I mean if you think having this woman in the wedding is such an a big/complicated/deep concern, then you can try telling your daughter you don't want the MOH in the wedding. Occasionally, posts on this forum include stories of some parents pulling their financial funding if they aren't getting what they want with their kid's wedding. You can threaten that.... But, honestly, I'm not sure that will do much for your relationship with your daughter and you will likely "cause drama" way bigger than what the MOH might bring. I'm guessing you'd never consider doing that (good for you!). Your options are: raise a stink to get your way; let it go; or maybe talk with someone (a counselor or whomever) about all the issues between your daughter, her friend and you, and perhaps gain some insights about some other strategies to help you deal with this. I truly hope you can find an effective way to resolve your concerns. Good luck!

I guess my main issue with this whole situation is the level of disrespect I am shown by this girl. It makes it very hard to enjoy the day when someone is constantly talking crap about you to other people, being unfriendly towards you, doing everything to steal the spotlight, going out of their way to avoid you and making it known they hate you.

If it’ll make you feel better and you believe you’re both capable.. make amends. Otherwise you don’t really need to interact with her so just don’t worry. DONTTTTT make your daughter feel bad or stress her about it.

View Quoted Comment 👍sure, ok.

View Quoted Comment Just being around her makes you ill..? That is so dramatic honestly you seem to be the one causing drama. Not trying to be mean or rude but just take a deep breath and stop!!!

View Quoted Comment She owes it to her?!
That right there sent a red flag up for me and I don’t even know the situation.
Picking my MOH was extremely difficult because of the relationships I have with all three of the ladies I’ve chosen to stand with me. But it was never about who I owe. 😕I agree with PP that you can’t control who she picked but I would make sure that you have the wedding event details just in case things go sideways. Be as supportive as you can and fingers crossed everything goes smoothly for your daughter. 🤞🏼❤️

View Quoted Comment You dont know the atory!! Alot of stuff happened!! If you dont have any constructive advice then don't answer this thread!! Sheesh!

How this should be handled? There’s nothing to handle. Your daughter is an adult and made a decision about her wedding. You say nothing and do nothing. You don’t engage with the MOH and if she tries to start drama, you walk away. They aren’t children who need to be monitored.

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This! There is nothing to be done other than accept the fact that this is who your daughter chose as her MOH and there is nothing you can or should do about it. Continuing to push this will only result in causing unnecessary stress for yourself and your daughter, and could possibly damage your relationship. If you're trying to figure out how to get this girl kicked out of the wedding, don't. That would be majorly overstepping your bounds.

It's abundantly clear that you hate this girl as much as you claim she hates you, and I'm sure that attitude hasn't gone unnoticed. All you can do is ignore her on the wedding day and don't engage if she tries to start something. That's it.

Your the mother of the bride, this is her day you WORK for the bride ANYTHING that she wants she should get ! just like you got what you want when you got married. if my mother said that I would make it CLEAR to my mother that this is my wedding and if she had a problem she could either not be there at all and not be doing anything at all or she can be quiet and be happy for me. This is her big day you do not want to ruin your relationship with your daughter just be happy for her and BE NICE if you cant then either be quiet or you will definitely hurt your relationship with your daughter

There is nothing to handle. You need to take a breath. If you go into the wedding expecting drama, drama will happen. The only thing you can control is your own actions, so control your actions and reactions and don't let her get to you.

MOH and MOB never have much of anything to do with one another on wedding day . They don't stand in receiving lines, which you may do. They don't sit with you. Don't ask her to dance, and ask daughter not to seat her near you. I do not understand why this is a big deal. You are an adult. Ther must have been people at school, work or in your neighborhood whom you have not liked. What is so tough about putting a smile on your face, and being civil. About 1/3 of my patients are people with traits I seriously dislike. But I work with them, and do my best to be pleasant, even if I would rather spit. Think of it as going to court, standing in front of a judge you can't stand. However much you despise the person, you act polite and do nothing to antagonize. And hope she does the same. It is not about you. Or her. So focus on the couple, and spend time with other family, and people you know. No magic. Less drama.

Yeah, as the MOB, I'm assuming you are at least in your early 40's, and the bride and her friends are minimally in their early 20's? I'm going to give you my opinion, which I'm guessing you won't like it, based on your previous responses. I will assume you are a grown woman; why do you care if a 20-something year old friend of your daughter's "disrespects you"? I'm sorry; I know you have said repeatedly there are specifics you're not sharing, but the fact that you are this concerned that a friend of your daughter's will "disrespect" you and act "unfriendly" toward you, who cares???? I'm guessing you have your own friends and family who know you well enough to know who you truly are? I'm a mom myself, so I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but your post sounds like the kind of thing that was common among my daughter and her friends in Middle School. Your concern about how a friend of your daughter's will impact how you and others will perceive you seems way overblown. Do you honestly think the people she's talking badly about you to will believe her? And, if they do, do you honestly care what they think? I'm going to go back to one of my earlier posts and suggest that if there are serious issues that you haven't shared, that you seek counseling to help you deal with those. But, if that's not the case (or you don't want to do that), for your own and your daughter's sake, walk away.