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Just Said Yes June 2019

Maid of Honor Kicked Out

Nicole, on May 14, 2019 at 7:56 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19
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So planning for a very small wedding, just family, my fiancé, his best friend as the best man and I chose my sister in law as a maid of honor because I really don’t have a lot of friends, so I just decided to choose her. (I’d say we are acquaintances) we’ve hung out on multiple occasions prior to and after her marrying my brother, mostly getting our nails done, which mostly I paid for lol but anyway. So my wedding is in 2 months, I find out that she has cheated on my brother, reminder: they’re married, 2 kids.. so I kicked her out of my wedding. A few weeks go by... She asks me for money back that she paid towards shoes for the wedding. ($60) that’s the only thing that she bought, I’ve bought everything else, she never helped or asked to help plan things, never even sent like ideas via Pinterest. Nothing. So I am just in shock that she’s seriously asking for the money back. Please help on what I should do. Because I’ve got a laundry list of replies, but I just don’t think I should say anything and leave it at that. Help?!

19 Comments

Latest activity by Heather, on May 22, 2019 at 9:59 PM
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    Do what you want to do. I personally wouldn’t give her any money.
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  • Katie
    VIP November 2019
    Katie ·
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    I would take the high road and give her the money back. Just don’t let her ruin your day
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  • N
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Nicole ·
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    I won’t let her ruin my day. But the worst of it is that she says she needs it back because she’s not working now. Yet that’s not my fault, I see she posts a necklace she just bought and then she’s going out to dinner and going to myrtle beach this coming week. Lol. I want to take the high road but it’s so hard. We didn’t sign a contract/it wasn’t a loan lol like I am planning and paying for a wedding myself with a man that I’m actually planning on being committed to. Thank you both for the input.
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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    If you kicked her out of the wedding you owe her for any expenses she incurred for the wedding. Her not helping you plan doesn't matter since she wasn't required to do that anyway.

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  • N
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Nicole ·
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    It was for her shoes. Traditionally the bridesmaids/maid of honor/groomsmen/best man are supposed to pay for their own things anyway. And traditionally helping/offering to help plan and do things to make it easier for me is the responsibility of a maid of honor.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I’d like to say take the high road and give her her money back to just be done with it. But after what she has done to your brother and (in my opinion) getting herself kicked out of the wedding, you owe her nothing! I wouldn’t respond to her at all! And I wouldn’t send her money back. When you say yes to be a bridesmaid, you agree to the expenses that come with that. Attire is one. End of story. Good luck with this one!
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  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
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    If she still has the shoes don’t give her the money back. If you have the shoes, and she will not have possession of them, I would give it back.
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  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    She is an adult who can go return the shoes herself. If not that’s a personal problem for her. Block and delete.
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  • Alycia
    Super July 2021
    Alycia ·
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    This is exactly right. Even in court that would be the rule. She doesn’t get to keep the shoes and the money as well. If she has the shoes she is “whole”. If you have them and don’t want to pay for them you should either give her the shoes or return them for a refund.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    You should pay her back for the shoes since you kicked her out of the wedding.

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  • J
    Dedicated October 2019
    Jeana ·
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    The audacity of her to ask for the money after getting kicked out for cheating on your brother is galling. Tell her to return them. If you are going to pay her, get the shoes from her first. She doesn’t get the money and the shoes. Ugh I’m so mad on your behalf.
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  • Amanda
    Master December 2020
    Amanda ·
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    She can't return the shoes or anything brand new? I wouldn't want her to make a scene and ruin the day if she's that type but I also don't know etiquette on if you should pay for shoes you aren't going to need
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  • Amber
    Devoted April 2022
    Amber ·
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    Normally I’d agree that if YOU kicked HER out of the wedding, you should get the shoes back and reimburse her. However, given that she cheated on your brother and it would create huge family issues for you if you were to keep her in the wedding, I don’t think I’d even respond to her. She ruined her marriage and broke up her family, you’d think getting $60 back from you would be the last thing on her mind...
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  • Trista
    VIP September 2019
    Trista ·
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    If it was the dress, I could see you paying her back if it was unable to be returned. They are shoes. She can wear them again. She messed up. She can deal with it. Don't pay her back.
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  • Brittany
    Super October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    I agree with PP's saying not to pay her back. I would honestly just block & delete her. Don't even respond anymore. What can she do? Hunt you down over money for a pair of shoes? lol. She screwed up and should face EVERY consequence she has to deal with.

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  • Mrs.
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. ·
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    Agree with most of these other ladies. Unless she actually gives you these shoes back, don't give her the money. Otherwise, she can return them or poshmark them or wear them on a different occasion.

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  • Kelsey
    Savvy September 2019
    Kelsey ·
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    If the shoes are in her possession, I'd tell her to go pound sand. If you have the shoes then I'd just give her the money and be done with it.

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  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
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    Just like we technically can't send the people who RSVP and don't show a bill, she can't send you a bill. I would ignore her and not give her a dime.

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  • H
    Savvy August 2019
    Heather ·
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    Nope. Pay her nothing, be an awesome Aunt through your brother or parents if need be and leave it at that. If some chick cheated on my brother, the last thing she would be worried about is money for her shoes. Smiley winking

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