Maid of honor question/mini vent

Why not just ask her if she would be more comfortable stepping down as MOH? Let her know that you love her and care for her either way, but just as she wants to make plans for her coming baby, you need to make plans for your wedding too. If she backs out, accept graciously and move on.

A baby is a big thing. If I just got pregnant, I would probably be a little distracted too. I don't think it's that she doesn't care, but she now has to plan for this whole new life. It's both exciting and stressful. I wouldn't be hard on her for not being as interested, if you were in her shoes, do you think you would still be able to be as invested?

I'm of the opinion that the important wedding discussions are between you and your fiance. Yeah, it's fun to talk small details with friends, but they aren't obligated to be as enthusiastic, for one, it's not their wedding so they never will be as enthusiastic as you want them to be, and secondly, life gets in the way. Even if she wasn't pregnant, I would recommend a little more patience.

"just don't think I'll be able to be there for you because of the baby." She didn't say her baby is more important, she even made the conversation about you by stating that she honestly won't be able to be there for you. It's not "incredibly rude" if she drops out, she will either have given birth or be pretty close. She will be so physically uncomfortable, do you still want her by your side even if it causes her great stress and discomfort?

I'm not sure about the etiquette of replacing. I'm sure she would understand if you did, but before doing that I would just talk to her and see if she can choose to step down. It sounds like that is what she's trying to so, she's just trying to be nice about it. Ask if the wedding will be too much for her, and take it from there.

I mean. Having a baby trumps a wedding. For 1000%. I have had to skip a very close friend's wedding because I was only 6 days postpartum and in no shape. We are talking someone I have known for 20 years.

That being said, other than her standing next to you (or perhaps sitting, depending on her comfort and how far along she will be at your wedding, or frankly how easy/ difficult her pregnancy is) there really isn't much for her to do. If the cost of a dress is making her nervous, you can offer to pay for part or all of it.

Pregnancy is unpredictable. She might feel completely fine up until the day she gives birth, or she might feel terrible. Allow her a bit of grace and flexibility. Know that there is a chance she won't be able to attend. It's Ok to sad about that, but she can't put her life on hold for you and vice versa.

Can you make your other friend "co MOH" this way if your stepsis cant come to the wedding you have someone there as your MOH?

Maybe she is being distant because she is sad she is in the situation to possibly miss your big day. I would still include her in the wedding plans and events- plan on having her in your wedding but be prepared if she can't be there in the end. I am not judging but getting pregnant after 2 months with a new person I have to assume wasn't planned, and I would imagine she is very emotional about everything and trying to keep it together.

I am sorry you have to go through that- just be as supportive as you can- hopefully she will snap out of it. I always try to do what I feel is right in my heart and remember you can't control other people's actions, you just don't want to look back and wish you did/acted differently.

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Thanks for your response. I never said it was incredibly rude if she drops out. I said "it would seem incredibly rude if she dropped out last minute and I had to just throw in a back up super quick (which honestly I just wouldn't do)." I meant like it would be rude to the other person I threw in last minute. I don't think it's rude at all if she steps out. I just don't want to keep her if she's going to back out last minute ya know? I totally get what you mean about the baby thing, it is a huge deal. It's just she went from I'm so excited it's all about you I'm going to be there for everything. To honestly I'm too busy now and you can do this on your own. Please don't ask me to do anything because I have more important things to worry about, your wedding is on the back burner for me. Literally what she said, which I get..but there's a better way to say those things. This is the one of the biggest moments of my life, I can't have kids so this is kinda my moment. She knows that too. I don't know, maybe you're right and I just need to have more patience, I just feel so tossed to the trash.

I suggest having your bff be your ‘co-MOH’ it sucks, but nothing you can do about it now!

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See that's were I somewhat disagree. A baby trumps a wedding for someone who can have kids. I can't have kids, so being pregnant doesn't trump anything for me lol. I don't meant that in a disrespectful way, just more of her having a baby is one of the biggest moments in her life. Me getting married is one of mine. I don't think hers is more important than mine, and I don't think mine is more important than hers. What's important to one person is not what's always important to the other. I am totally trying to be respectful of the fact that she is pregnant, and if she can't be there I understand. I guess I more felt hurt by the way it was handled. She was so excited about the baby (rightfully so) that she just told me this is more important, your on the back burner and I have no time for you. She could have been more respectful in the way things were handled. Hey I know I'm having a baby and to be honest I really need to focus on getting my life together, I don't think I'll have a lot of time/$$ for the wedding. But just know I love and I'm here for you if need to talk. She now refuses to talk to me at all about the wedding, it's all baby talk. I guess I'm not a mom or pregnant and I just don't know what it's like to be in her position. But she's never been engaged and can't have kids, so she's never been in mine. Trust me I've expressed all of this to her and the response is always, your day will be great, no need to keep talking about it..lets talk about the baby now! The cost isn't an issue at all, I'm paying for everything.

My thought with my best friend was that I didn't want to say hey your a backup in case my sis can't make it. I felt that was a bit rude...but maybe it's not? It's something to at least consider anyways. Thank for your help!

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No it wasn't planned. They got pregnant within a week of knowing each other.... but hey things happen and I'm still very happy for her.

I agree, that's my biggest concern I don't want to look back and regret anything I did or didn't do. Maybe I just need some time to think everything through. Thanks for your help!

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You're right, I can't do anything about it. I just need to make the best decisions for everyone going forward. It does totally suck lol

I like the idea of a co maid of honor....or if your wedding party is small, just don’t designate one of honor? It’s not 100% required to have one.

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That is very true. I only have 5 girls, so it's not too big. Def. something to consider, thanks!

Your sister is dealing with a LOT. She is HAVING a baby and she’s probably scared and nervous. dont put too much pressure on her to help with the wedding and what not. I’d have a co-MOH and have two. That might help alleviate stress from step sis as well and she can go back to being excited!

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That is very true! I def. don't want to put any stress on her. I haven't asked anything of her, no requests for help or anything. I actually haven't asked anyone for help yet. So she shouldn't be stressed at all when it comes to my end of things. I want her to enjoy this moment she has, but I also want to enjoy mine. Just wish she would have handled things differently from the beginning and when I expressed how I felt. I'm trying to keep all of the negative emotions in, so that I can be excited for her and not stress her out which is why I came here. Thanks for your advice

You all are awesome, thanks for all your insight and advice. I truly appreciate it! Just needed to hear from others perspectives and vent a little. Thanks!

I would just politely suggest her just being a bridesmaid and I don't see anything wrong with having your best friend become maid of honour. Even if you haven't known her long. It would be better than having your MOH be a no show.

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Yes I think that's where I'm leaning. It's good to hear someone else say it too, to ensure it's not a bad move on my end. Thank you!