Maid/matron of Honor

If you've already established your bridal party, most people would find it rude to add someone in like a second thought. Especially because your only reasoning is that your MOH isn't doing things your way.

If your sister in law isn’t offended by being asked late, then go ahead and ask her. Doesn’t really matter how anyone else feels about it since it’s between you and her. You only get married once (hopefully) and you want to do it right and not have a dismissive maid of honor taking over everything.

I guess my question would be why do you want to make your brother’s wife matron of honor? Is it because the relationship you have with her is super close or is it because you’re hoping she can make your maid of honor chill? If it’s the first, I think it’s ok. If it’s the second, I think instead of naming a matron of honor you have to have a boundary conversation with your maid of honor.

I don't ever think you should add more people later. Feels rude to be like oh woops forgot about you or oh well someone dropped out and I want it to be even. Just stick with who you have now and whomever you had wanted to add you could give roles to or have them be a part of your day differently.

View Quoted Comment That makes sense. My SIL has been helping me since the beginning and I appreciate it. But I didn’t ask her to be in my bridal party at the time because some feelings got in the way. She’s known me for 11 years already. Since I have 4 kids, 3 that are under 7 years old, I asked her if she can walk down with one. And my brother as well.

View Quoted Comment Honestly, so far what I have heard is that my maid of honor isn’t really considering my thoughts or feelings. So in a way I am feeling she’s not doing it for me, more if like it’s her wedding.

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If this is the case, you need to address it with her directly. To me, that's a totally separate issue from whether or not you should ask your SIL to be your matron of honor. For the reasons you stated above, if you think she would be ok with it, and not feel like she was an afterthought, then ask her. But if you think that is going to solve your problem with your maid of honor, you are mistaken.

You need to have an honest, open conversation with your bridesmaid, and tell her everything you told us, that you feel she isn't planning according to what you want, even though it's your wedding. You feel like she shoots down all of your ideas, and is really overstepping her role. Lay out your expectations, and how you would like things to change. That's really all you can do.