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Hailey
Savvy September 2022

major anxiety :(

Hailey, on August 1, 2022 at 2:15 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11
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I suffer from pretty severe anxiety and depression. I take medication for both daily, but it’s still a struggle. I’m a quiet, private person with major social anxiety and well…I’m dreading my wedding. I’m in no way dreading a marriage with my fiancé; I’ve been waiting to be married to him for ten years - we have two kiddos together and I love our little family that we have created together. I just don’t know how to handle the sense of dread I have surrounding my wedding for so many reasons aside from just being socially awkward and hating being the center of attention. I’m my parents only child and while I’m not close at all with my dad, I am close to my mom and she’s just loving the wedding planning and so excited for my big day. It’s too late to back out of a wedding and just elope because non-refundable deposits have been paid and people have already RSVP’d. I also don’t drink so I can’t drink all my troubles away for a night. I can’t stomach the fact that I have to have a father/daughter dance with my dad, I can’t stomach dancing in front of 100 people in general, I can’t stomach the way I look (I am overweight and have a 2x csection apron belly & awfully fat arms), and I’m afraid of us getting Covid again due to the reception being inside. I guess I just needed a place to vent 😞🥺

11 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 8, 2022 at 3:56 PM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    If you are that nervous about doing a father daughter dance then I would just skip it. There is nothing saying you are required to have it at your wedding.
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  • Hailey
    Savvy September 2022
    Hailey ·
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    I would love to skip that dance but my family is pressuring me into it because I’m “his only daughter,” but he was an alcoholic throughout my childhood and we don’t have a father/daughter relationship. I get very nervous and uneasy around him and my mom thinks I’m just being a drama queen about it all.
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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    Oh no I m sorry you are struggling that is not easy. Do you have a medical professional you can speak to, they may be able to offer some coping mechanisms. Do not force yourself to do anything you really do not want to do or are uncomfortable doing. A father daughter dance is not a necessity, Maybe just have a song dedicated to your dad and ask him to dance with you... but not as a solo all eyes on you dance. But its your choice do what feels true to you, there's a book called Perfect Daughters, Adult Daughters of Alcoholics, might be worth a read. Remember to be kind to yourself your partner loves you just the way you are and you should too. I don't suffer from severe anxiety but I find when I get overwhelmed writing helps and just getting moving helps. I love pilates but even just going for a walk with a friend can clear my mind. Instead of focusing on the things thats stress you try to reflect on the sweet moments, how awesome that your mom is so excited for you and supportive, how strong and powerful is your body to birth 2kids, and celebrate the heck out of what a love you and your partner share. You got this, wishing you all the best Smiley heart

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    What about dancing solo with him very briefly like maybe 30 seconda then inviting all fathers and daughters at the wedding to join you? We just went to a wedding and they did this for both the father daughter and mother son dance. This might help you be less anxious about it.
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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    Hi. I know what you mean. The whole thing is so much pressure on you to be perfect. I had so much anxiety around it, constant thoughts, and lack of sleep.
    I am also not an attention seeking person and usually in the background. We did a first look in private and I was so nervous. Once we looked into each other’s eyes, those nerves turned to happiness. I was not nervous at all walking down the aisle as I thought I would be.
    Once you see your guests so happy and cheering for you, you won’t be either.
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  • Valerie
    Dedicated April 2023
    Valerie ·
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    Ah man, I hate anxiety. You know once you're in the moment it's never as bad as you were dreading the entire time....lol it sucks. I am having all the same thoughts you are. You are not alone, and we will get through this! One day at a time...when these thoughts creep into my mind I tell myself "we don't need to worry about that yet. we are worrying about something that isn't even happening....plenty of time to worry once it's time". Because seriously...worrying right now won't affect a dang thing except your peace of mind. Once it's over you're gonna wonder why on earth you stressed out about it so bad! (this is my third wedding and I am still sleepless with anxiety, but I know it won't be as bad as I am imagining because I have been there and done it).

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Many people have anxiety so you are not alone. And your feelings are valid. An equal number of people do not have a father daughter dance, nor is it required. If you have no relationship with your father or he is not around, don’t let anyone bully you into dancing with him. Many weddings do not have any dancing. Guests eat and socialize without feeling the need for anything else. Learn how to set and maintain boundaries with consequences now before the wedding so you get practice in for the rest of your life when people pressure you into things that are not their business: where you live/work, if you have kids and how they are raised, where you spend holidays, etc.
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  • Tera
    Tera ·
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    I recommend you skip the dance if you are dreading it.
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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    You can totally skip any part of the wedding that makes you uncomfortable (other than whatever legal requirements there are lol). You could do a parent's dance in place of a father/ daughter dance where you can your spouse both dance with a parent, then you could even welcome everyone to dance with a parent 30 seconds into that.

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  • Gillian
    Devoted July 2021
    Gillian ·
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    Sorry to hear you’re feeling like you’re struggling so much! I also suffer from some severe anxiety and depression. I highly recommend finding a counselor to work on coping techniques or psychiatrist who can help you adjust medication dosing. Sometimes we need a little extra help during these stressful times and that’s okay- it’s not forever, it’s just another helping hand.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    You've probably been conditioned to be the peacekeeper throughout your life. Now is a good time to practice saying "no". You're not wanting to pretend to be all happy family when your dad was a crap father to you. It's OK to say no to your mom and your family, and decline the father/daughter dance. No is a complete sentence. It might feel good to stand your ground, and you know you have your FI behind you on this.

    "The father/daughter dance will not be possible, and that's the end of the discussion".

    More the priority is to somehow bolster your own self-image so you won't be in your own way during the day. Would it help to focus on the joy of getting married? Also, those two scars represent your two wonderful kiddos you had together. Everyone has parts of themselves they don't love. What ways do you use to cope with your anxiety? Maybe fine tune those coping skills too.

    I hope everything goes well for you.

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