Maritial Non-negotiables

Mine was also religion, or really lack of. I'm am atheist and I've never had a relationship work out with a religious partner. I think having your core morals and beliefs align is a huge part of a healthy and lasting relationship. Ours did.
My fiance's was willingness to adopt. He himself is adopted and felt he should pay it forward and that he'd be a better parent from being in the child's shoes. I've always wanted to adopt so it was a really lucky match for both us!

To be treated with respect a lot of the same core beliefs examples pro equal marriage, and women’s rights,

View Quoted Comment Adoption is a huge topic that should be discussed before marriage.

View Quoted Comment Respect is crucial in any relationship.

A big one for us was having the same views on kids! How many, when, and being on board with adoption if naturally doesn’t work for whatever reason

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Yes! This is huge!

Always being on the same page with money and being responsible. That's the #1 argument that leads many to divorce. We have NEVER argued about finances in the almost nine years we've been together. We're are a team.

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Yes! One of my friends who is now divorced always says "Love without fiance is a nuisance".

Maintaining independence and no kids. Too many relationships I was in before my independence was compromised and I was wrongly convinced they were okay with not having kids (I don’t want any). I told my fiancé this the second day we met.

View Quoted Comment Yes and being responsible with money. Such a pet peeve of mine.

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I've heard that a lot of women have difficulty maintaining their identify after getting married so I can see why independence is a non-negotiable.

We definitely talked about religion, we both are strong Christians and plan to raise our children in a God centered home as well. We discussed how many chicks den we’d like to have, our future goals, our upbringing, and we are halfway through pre-marital counseling to learn how to have a “healthy argument” and how to discuss finances and all of that stuff.

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Being able to respectfully disagree is crucial.

Our biggest thing was views on politics which really just means views on things going on in the world. His family is Mexican and I am white so I think he was worried in the begging that our views would be different but we both agree on just about everything. And as far as religion goes for us. I am not and he his but I am also an opened minded person that prays with him and will gladly go to church with him and I love to be a part of everything he does so wherever I can learn to be a part of I try to do and same goes for him. He doesn’t mind at all that I’m not religious and he doesn’t try to change my views

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Differing political views can definitely take a toll on a relationship.

The first non-negotiable topic is kids. I dont want any, never have, never will. I wont change my mind, which is 1 reason ( there were many) thay my first marriage ended.

The second is infidelity. I know myself well enough to know that if there was infidelity the trust would be gone and the marriage over.

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May I ask why you don't want to have children? Infidelity is definitely a deal breaker.

Sure, to be honest I never see anyone happy that have children, one trip shopping confirms that every time. I dont want the responsibility of raising someone, making decisions so they are successful in the future. I dont like the judgement I see that parents recieve from other parents. Having kids makes me feel strangled and stuck...its just not meant for me. I don't discourage anyone from having them its just not a life I want to live.

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Thank you for sharing.

Same view on children (we are undecided right now, but fine with either having kids or not), the same view when it comes to money (we share an account, bills and savings get paid first, then anything left over is our fun money), and just overall respect for each other and our individual needs. I love my FH. But sometime si need me time. Like the other day, I was overwhelmed and stressed. He gave me a hug. Asked me what I needed. I said I just wanted to decompress by our aprlartments pool. He said okay, I got changed and went to the pool for an hour. And was much happier after. The simple respect for each others space is huge to me.