Maritial Non-negotiables

We have agreed that the most important part of our marriage will be respecting each other’s individuality while still working as a team. We have set several important goals for our marriage and plan to work together to achieve them.

View Quoted Comment You bring up some really valid points.

View Quoted Comment 😍 I love the way you worded this.

Same moral thread, treatment of my kids and the importance of family.

View Quoted Comment I try!! 🙂

1) Kids - I have 2 kids from a previous relationship so FH knew that we were a package deal. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t like or want kids. FH and I have one child together and it was important to me for all of the kids to be equally loved and not treated differently.

2) Career - I wanted the freedom to go back to school (again) and advance my career (something my ex refused to be supportive about) and FH supports all of my aspirations and wants to see me succeed.

3) Communication - I wanted to be with someone who was open to discussing any and everything with me. Open communication helps to resolve potential problems before they become a big deal.

I knew going in that I wasn't going to deal with a man putting his mother before me. There have been many times that I knew he was "The One," but one of the first really big ones was when we were discussing issues between my bestie and her now-ex, regarding his mother, and my FH said something along the lines of "How does he NOT know that his wife comes well before his mother??"

I never even thought of this being a situation that could make or break a relationship until I walked away from a different engagement due to this exact same issue. I am so glad I didn't settle, listened to my gut, and moved back to MI to find my FH!!!!

View Quoted Comment

This isn't true for everyone. Unfortunately, I have little to no finances. I am not in debt to anyone or anything, I am just unemployed right now and when I do work, I am unable to work full time. I am on disability and so I get a little money from the government each month. He holds a successful full time job and a part time job. He allows me to carry his credit card in my wallet. Even still, I always ask him if I can use it beforehand. He knew what he was getting into when we started dating and he loves me anyway. In fact, he just told me tonight that one of the reasons he fell in love with me in the first place is because I am not materialistic. Because of my situation and the fact that I was used to being around people in similar financial situations, I was not expecting any lavish gifts or expensive dinners. He observed that any small gesture he made or any gift he gave me was greatly appreciated. He loved that about me.

It is entirely possible to have "love without finance." I speak from experience.

I would say ours was definitely the same basic life morals and “political” stances (pro-choice, gay rights, women’s rights, etc).

Our are pretty cheesy I guess compared to religion and other big topics. For me, as long as the person I was marrying was Christian...I was ok with that. And we both want kids so that was another big one that we fortunately had in common.

But my non-negotiable is that if we have a son, his middle name is to be Mario. My dad passed away when I was 8 and that was his name. It’s a very strong italian name and I don’t think I could have it as a first name for my child, but it has to be a middle name to honor my father. My fiancé is on board with that.

His non-negotiable also has to do with future children’s names. Him and all his siblings and niece and nephew’s names start with an A. He wants to continue that with his own children. So since he is on board with my middle name for a son, I am on board with A names.

Doesn’t seem like big deal breakers but it’s literally the only ones we really have. The rest seems to be things we’ve compromised on and that we are happy with what we’ve decided as a couple.

Those are really good points, Courtnee. And I completely agree! My non-negotiable is that my FH cannot be any form of Abrahamic religion. Basically an atheist or a Pagan, is fine. I will never mesh well with anyone that believes in "God", in terms of romantic partners. My FHs was also mutual respect, also me not being a part of any Catholicism or Christianity, he is very vehemently against all forms of religion as he had very awful experiences as a child. We both need to be treated with the same amount of respect that we feel we deserve and want.

Also a large non-negotiable topic for him was that if we decide on children, and we happen to have a son, his name MUST be Vincent. My FH is a 3rd and our child must be a 4th, as that is what he promised his own father before he passed 11 years ago.

Mine was a joint bank account...and I got it. Everything is joint, and it's now such a huge relief to both of us.

Marriage before house buying. We almost bought a house and right after that (thankfully someone else got the house) I knew I wanted to be married first. No negotiations.

He didn't have anything really, he's not one to talk much you really have to pull things out of him. I knew that he wanted to still have some "fun" money though, so we made a Frugal account for us both that we put money into a couple times a month, so that if he wants to go have a beer with the guys or go on their annual disc golfing trip, we don't have to worry where the money is coming free. It works for us, and I totally understood. Still want some kind of freedom, ha!

For my FH & I, mutual respect and appreciation are non-negotiable. We both came out of bad relationships previously (myself a few more than him) so these are the things we knew needed to be different for us to work.

View Quoted Comment Girl. Yes. This exactly.

My non-negotiable for my future spouse and I is to have the same political affiliation. I believe a lot can be derived about someone’s own morals & ethics based on their political views. I don’t discuss or argue politics with anyone (your welcome to your own beliefs), however I want to openly discuss this with my spouse & be on the same page 99% of the time.

I had a lot but he agrees with all of them

Religion and political beliefs
Want children and also willing to foster, adopt
Want pets and fine with having lots of pets
Similar views on raising children
No cheating, and we are also against pornography, strip clubs, etc
Matching opinions on finances
We also both believe in a shared responsibility household where everyone contributes to cooking, cleaning, maintenance

Political views.
We started dating during the 2016 election. I went on a very specific anti candidate rant on our fourth date.
We don't have exact political views, but they are close enough that we can deal.

And he was going to have to be able to deal with my possible [now definite] infertility.

Mine is willingness to accept change and evolve with it for the better. People are always changing as they age and so are their views. I may want kids now but later on in life I could change my mind. We may not be religious now but one of us might find God again later. We agreed that we both are likely to change views as we age and as long as those views don’t harm our relationship or morals we agree to adapt and still love each other. We are always discussing what ifs in our relationship to make sure we accept sudden changes no matter what.

Respect, not having children and infidelity.

Ours was definitely how children would be raised. I have one from a previous relationship he doesn't. He steps in very well as step dad but he knows because there are still two households theres certain things with my son we can't change but he has a strict guideline on how he wanst our kids raised. Which works out because I was raised the way he wants to raise our kids which I have always wanted to raise my kids like that as well. Also adoption.. My FH has had issues with his nether regions to say the least and there is a solid chance he may not be able to have kids or it could be very difficult for him to produce good enough swimmers and he doesn't want e, to carry another mans child he would rather adopt which I am okay with. Me personally I haven't had any non-negotiable on my side really I am a very carefree, free spirited individual and as long as he never tries to change me as a person I don't have any issues. My biggest thing is everyone changes and you learn to grow with your person. He has a mentality that "Its your world and I'm just living in it" and that goes for me to him as well. We have to have our own interests and joys in life but we need to be able to share them with each other without feeling pressured to love those same interests.