Marriage problems

Wow that is rough. I can say from what my friends have said the first year of marriage can be rough especially when there are family issues. At the end of the day that is his mom. It is hard if you two do not get along because he may not see those issues. I think maybe you two should seek a counselor. You two can try and talk it out as long as you two can express yourselves respectfully and hear the other person.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. This sounds just terrible. First, I want to justify your actions with your step-mother-in-law. If someone tried to use my wedding photographer for their own shoot, I would have been livid. The photographer is expensive and also is *yours* to capture *your* experience at *your* wedding. It was the right move to step in so you wouldn't lose that experience and resent her forever.

Second, I think your husband handled this incorrectly. He should not have blown up at you, no matter how he felt. That's not the way to have a conversation about something. He also absolutely shouldn't be saying he won't stand by you. He married you, which means you two are a team that makes decisions together and supports each other. If he disagrees with your ideas about how to treat his family, he should discuss that with you, but he shouldn't be picking his family's side categorically.

Okay, with all that out of the way, your husband is a human being and human beings make mistakes, especially when they are emotional. I think the first thing you need to do is ask him where this is coming from. You may find out that his family has been harassing him about this incident or otherwise putting pressure on him, which may explain (but not excuse) his outburst. Try to understand how he feels and repeat it back to him. Then I think you need to lay out your ideal situation ("I want the two of us to be a Team and to make decisions together that are good for us both.") Then ask him how you think you could better do that. It might be that *he* wants to be the one to confront his family when something goes wrong (some people strongly feel that "blood should deal with blood" in conflicts.) Then, you should let him know how you are feeling about the outburst so he knows.

I think you'll be able to get through this. Good luck!

First off, you had every right to stand your ground about the photographer situation. That is absolutely ridiculous. Second, he was right in standing by your side. I'm assuming when he went to his dad's and step mother's home, that they discussed that situation and said less than nice things about it. Which made him feel angry and like he needed to bring it all up again and tell you that you were wrong - which you weren't. Then I see in another comment, you bring up how he drained your savings account? If you allowed him to at the time, you can't use it against him now. That's pretty much what he's doing to you about the photographer situation. Just my opinion! Maybe marriage counseling wouldn't be a bad idea. Unless just a little time apart is what you need. I think it'd be beneficial to discuss it all again because you guys were on the same page and now you're not it seems.

This seems like a very big argument/reaction - what exactly did he say? I feel like we're missing a part of the story here. If you're having second thoughts on your marriage based off this singular argument, either he said some truly horrific things.

Yeah I wouldn't apologize. I also would definitely not argue with him about apologizing at the beginning of the conversation though, because that's like the tip of the iceberg here. When I fight with FH, it has helped me to write down my feelings so that I can work on them myself and also so I can stop thinking about them until I see him (to go to work and enjoy socializing without agonizing over our ongoing argument).

Also, I'm not sure exactly what the context of him spending your savings has been, but I think it's worth you writing down how you feel about that. If you stood by him, it seems like you are okay with that, but if you aren't, that's something to explore further. The money belongs to both of you, so I think it's another opportunity to work as a team.

So then I would talk to him and ask him why did he have that sudden reaction to you and explain how hurtful it was. Maybe it was something his dad said to him, who knows. You should find the root of that explosion.

Did he explain his sudden change of tune? Though I think his step-mother is at fault, your photographer is equally at fault! Maybe if you share the blame between the 2 of them and not just put it all on his step-mother he will calm down.

However, if you are questioning your marriage over this one event, I'd say there are some underlying issues here. On argument shouldn't make you change your feelings towards your husband.

I am so very sorry for what you care going through. My Mother in Law is challenging at times she is very Narcissistic and craves attention all the time it doesn't matter if it's positive or Negative she needs that attention and has to one up and make everything all about her. I try my best to ignore her when she tries to gaslight me. I would say if you can look into getting some counseling