Marriage related: Balancing spending time on the holidays with your family and your SO's family

My parents would alternate so that one year Christmas was spend with my mom's family and the next would be with my dad's and the same for each holiday. Also alternated so that if Christmas was at one place Easter would be at the other that year.

You have my sympathy, Snarky-- this can be such a thorny issue, which only becomes thornier when grandchildren come along! And with all the divorces and remarriages just making *more* families to go visit, the best you can do sometimes is sigh, remind yourself, "Well, we are well loved in a big community", and then decide what's best for you and your family.

We are thinking we are going to trade off between my family and his family each Thanksgiving. Christmas we will do both (but not necessarily on Christmas). There is some compromise since we live 25 minutes from his parents and 6.5 hours from mine.

Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with mine. Their big holiday is Thanksgiving, in which we will spend three days in Mass visiting his dad's side (9 siblings, a million cousins) and the following day with his mom's side (2 siblings, five cousins). Christmas is tricky because of my daughter who trades off Xmas eve/Xmas day between her dad and I, so we stay close to home to accommodate for that. Plus my mom is SOOOO into Christmas. The other holidays we just make plans as they come. Usually 4th of July with mine since we have a lake house and Easter is a switch up depending on if his sisters are working or not.

We have been doing this as long as we have been together and will continue the tradition now that we are married.

Real Thanksgiving - we go to my in laws' house. They have the whole fam dam over.

"Fakesgiving" (The Sunday after) We go to my parents'.

Christmas Eve we drive up to my family's house, go to church with them and have Christmas Eve dinner. We spend the night and wake up and do Christmas morning and Christmas Brunch. We then pile the gifts in the car to drive to our house. We switch out the gifts then do Christmas afternoon/evening with my in laws. We drive home after dinner and gifts.

Our house is the half way point between the two families. Both are an hour and a half from us, just opposite directions.

@Erin, I have a very similar family--my mom is one of 11 kids and I have 25 first cousins. My mom hosts Thanksgiving for about 30 people every year, and our Christmas Day usually includes 70-80 people. Everyone is super close. My mom definitely snarks when a cousin doesn't come in for Christmas (besides my "New Jersey" family--one aunt moved out to New Jersey, so her and her progeny all stay out there).

We honestly haven't solved this issue yet. We live in Nebraska, FH's family is in a small town in Nebraska about 2 hours away, my family is in Michigan (12 hour drive). We do all the small holidays (Easter, Father's Day, etc.) with FH's family. Thanksgiving/Christmas is a touchy issue, though. I used to drive home for Thanksgiving but it just got to be too much. The first Thanksgiving I missed, I bawled all morning. Thanksgiving is my mom's holiday, and it seriously sucks that I miss it.

So FH and I haven't done a holiday season together yet (been together for 3 1/2 years, so this will be our 4th as a couple). FH goes home for Thanksgiving and I usually do a Winesgiving celebration with my friends. We do Christmas with our own families. Honestly, I can't see giving up my big extended family Christmas for FH's--they just do his parents, his brother & sister, and their kids. I've argued for doing Christmas a few days early with his family and flying out together to my family, but so far we haven't done that yet.

We will likely move when I finish grad school in a couple of years, so there will only be one married holiday season where this could be an issue. This might be one of those things I just let go until we see where we move and which family we're physically closer to. I do hate spending holidays without FH, but I get to see my family once a year. I'm not giving that up.

So I know the holiday shuffle seriously sucks, but I would take that in a heartbeat at this point.

My family isn't within traveling distance for us so we usually spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with FMIL. I try to swing thanksgiving at our mutual friends house and at least part of Christmas by ourselves

Thanksgiving is at my house (his dad, kids, my parents are coming). The Saturday after we will have our big family dinner with my family. Christmas we will be heading to his mom's house either just before or after because her birthday is a couple of days before Christmas. Throw custody into the mix and holidays are a lot of fun.......NOT.

We live in Alaska and travel back can be long and complicated. Last year I was up here by myself and traveled back to WI for Christmas. FH lived with my parents at the time so we spent christmas with them and then took a new years trip to visit his dad (4 hours away).

The problem we have is visiting his mom. She lives in Texas. It takes 2 days of travel to get to the lower 48 and 2 days to get back to our village in Alaska. So with 14 days off at christmas, we spend 4 days traveling. That means that we usually choose to go to WI because we can see my family, his dad, all of his siblings, my sister, and his aunt and cousins.

His mom is starting to get upset that we will not come visit her, but we just don't have time to do both at Christmas. We have invited her to come to WI and visit us when we are there (and she is coming up for the wedding, even though she complained about having to travel for 3 months), she doesn't like that idea. So we will try to see her in the summer (maybe).

We alternate every year. If we are in NY Christmas day we are in CT Christmas Eve and thanksgiving.

Almost all my family is in the same area, 45 minutes south of us. So we see them on various occasions throughout the year. We have been going to FH's parent's house for big holidays since they live 3 hours away, across state lines and only see them a couple times a year. But we don't really like my family that much so I prefer to go to his family's house.

FH and I are in Oklahoma .. His parents/brothers are in Texas & my family is in Canada. Last year we did American thanksgiving with his family and was with his immediate and extended family 4 days before Christmas. For the next few years we won't be spending holidays with anyone. Just us in our home. I prefer it that way.

My parents are 1 hour away and his mom is 3 hours, so we split them up. We usually go to one parents house one weekend and then the other parents house the next. We haven't done one big family holiday yet, but I would like to try it once... just once.

His brother lives in NJ so I told hubby I'd like to spend Christmas in NYC one year, but he is none too thrilled about that idea.

I don't want to put my parents and her parents in the same house, I have a feeling holy hell would break lose! Especially when cooking is involved! Her family will drop something on their nasty floor, then pick it up and eat it or put it back in the dish! They also will lick the spoon and put it back in the food! Needless to say, I don't eat at their house anymore! My mom would probably freak if she seen some of the nasty stuff they do when cooking! They will take the trash out and then continue cooking without washing their hands, drives me insane! Luckily they have pot luck dinners, and I just won't eat what her mom or step-dad cooks, the rest of her family isn't like that.

We have been dating for five years and my husband has always had a job where he has to work on the holidays, so it's always been super difficult.

I would rather spend time with my family on the holidays just because we ALL get together and my family seems to celebrate them a little more. My husband's family is spread out pretty much all over the place. My husband is a deputy though so again, his hours are horrible on the holidays and I don't get to see him much anyways.

Unfortunately, we are part of the Holiday Shuffle. Luckily, everyone's parties are at different times. FH's parents have us come to their house at 11:30/12pm, my parents or Aunt or whoever is having it has it at 2pm, and then we go to FH's uncle's house around 5pm.

Our parents only live about 15 minutes apart from one another so that does make it easier. Easter is my favorite because my Aunt has it at her house and she lives literally across the street from FH's parents.

On Easter & Christmas, we normally do FH's parents, my mom's side of the family, and then FH's dad's side of the family. On Thanksgiving, we go to FH's parents, then my mom's side of the family, and then my dad's side of the family.

Oh, and then we also have a Christmas with just my mom, dad, sister, BIL, niece, nephew, and FH usually a day or two before Christmas. And THENNN we do another Christmas party with my mom's sister and her kids and their kids at her house since she lives an hour away and they do their own thing on Christmas Day. And THENNNN we do ANOTHER Christmas party with all of the same people but add in my dad's mom, his sister, her husband, and their kids. We normally do this around New Year's Day since my aunt's birthday is Jan 2nd. YEAHHH Christmas is crazy!

We trade off every year. TG with one Xmas with the other on the actual day of holiday. We see both families throughout the holiday week or weekend. The next year it flips

We do christmas eve with his family and christmas day with mine!

He's come to Thanksgiving with my fam a couple times (they're local). Otherwise we split up and spend time with our own families. Last year I did go to see his family right before Christmas and then drove up for Xmas Eve/Christmas with my own (he stayed with his). We don't have kids yet so don't see any point in choosing between our families. When we do have kids, we would like to host ourselves and have them come to us. Ideally...

My FH family does Thanksgiving dinner early and then we travel about 30 minutes to my family

Christmas is easier because his family does Christmas eve dinner and exchange gifts. So, Christmas Day is with my family at our house this year.