Hi everyone. I have only been married for a few months, I have been with my husband for over four years, so my situation isn’t surprising, but I want to make sure I go about this the right way. I am a heavy girl. I actually ended up in the hospital because of how bad I wasn't taking care of myself. So with a few set backs I am really trying to do better and be better.
My MIL knew i was in the hospital, but has not asked me how I’m doing since being out. I was in there for four and a half days. It was a pretty eye opening experience. But I don’t take her not asking to heart, that’s just the kind of person she is. We have seen her a few times in person since. Anyways! Here’s the actual dilemma. A few weeks ago we were celebrating all of the November birthdays, which are my husbands, myself, my MIL, and our niece. My MIL always hosts the parties and when it came time for desert, she asked every single person by name what kind of cake they wanted except me. My husband from across the room asked if I wanted some after everyone minus me had been offered. I denied cause of embarrassment, and just thought that there were a lot of people and she maybe thought she asked me. No big deal. Well yesterday at another big family gathering, she starts asking my husband about his weight (he has a beer gut, but isn’t extremely big) and that it’s not healthy. She turns to me and says”oh well anna you work out don’t you? So he can go with you?” I explained that i can do light cardio but only recently got the green light from my doctor. She said “oh” and quickly changed the subject. We left shortly after that. When we were leaving she had fudge she made for all the kids. She turns to me and says “do you want the fudge or should you not bother taking it home?” I’m assuming it’s about the weight conversation. I just said that it’s her sons choice and my husband took it saying he’ll share at work.
My husband and I talked about everything (I’m very grateful we have open honest communication) and I explained how I feel isolated sometimes. Not all the time but his mom will get in these moods that she will question his weight or health while I’m right next to him in front of everyone (I’m much much larger than he is. He really is average weight with a little beer gut). And she absolutely purposely singled me out regarding the desert. My husband wants to talk to her about it and let his mom know his feelings on the situation and mine. I have no problem talking with her, so I suggested to wait and see if she does it again and at that time pull her aside privately and the three of us have a talk. Do you think that would be ok? Is it “overstepping” if I talk with them even though it’s about both of our feelings??
Also side note, I completely understand that she asks her son about his weight because deep down she loves and cares for him. She should be able to ask him, and that conversation is between the two of them. It’s the way that she goes about it that she does it right next to me and knows I’m listening and it’s always at a large family function where others listen in too.
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