Marrying Someone With a different belief

Wow. Was not expecting so many responses so quickly!

First, I'm not worried about it. We have discussed the topic thoroughly. We are attending pre-marital counseling with a minister who is well accustomed to this type of relationship. She has been great so far and has no problem telling people if she believes they should re-evaluate getting married. Not looking for any sort of reassurance or to be told not to do it. I was genuinely curious how common this type of relationship is.

In regards to the Bible commenting on being unequally yoked, yes I have read that verse and know what is says. However, there is also a verse (1 Corinthians 7:14) that says the unbelieving spouse is sanctified through the believing spouse (paraphrasing).

We have had no issues in the past. He attends church with me on occasion. I do not force him to. He respects my religion, listens to me when I want to discuss it. If I feel like I'm drifting from God, he is quick to point me back to it and reassure me as to why I believe it (even if he doesn't).

Again, I was really just curious to see how many other people are willing to or have married outside of their faith and how their families have reacted In general, my family has been okay with it. Their main concern, which they iterated to both me and my fiance, is that his lack of faith would turn me away from my faith. However, this has not been the case and my faith has only grown stronger since being with him.

Along the lines of children - We have discussed this and are both of the mindset that they will be raised in the church but we will both be willing to allow them their freedom to explore if/when they decide to do so. This is if we even decide to have them. Right now, neither of us wants children. So, this is really a non-issue unless we change our minds in the future.

Faith questioned is stronger faith ;-)

I am Christian. FH is Jewish but not really practicing. Our parents are fine with it. I think my parents wish he would come to church with me more often (he's only been twice) but it's not a problem. It hasn't really been a problem in our relationship. Occasionally FH will make a comment because he doesn't understand why I do certain things. I remind him that it is important to me and it makes me feel better and we leave it at that.

Stephanie, that sounds like you guys have a great foundation then.

I would not be able to date someone who didn't have the same basic beliefs. If it's important to you, wouldn't you want to share that with your spouse? If it's not important to you, why do you claim to believe it in the first place?

Also, for another perspective here - my parents had a slightly mixed marriage. Mom was Catholic, Dad was Baptist. It created a lot of problems early on and still does. They didn't divorce, sure, but they're not on the same page about some of the bigger issues concerning family. And while we didn't hear them yelling and screaming every day or anything like that, it was confusing for us as young children to have parents teaching us different things and disheartening that our own parents weren't on the same page on something they both claimed to be important.

I agree with Yasmina, sounds like you two are communicating about it and you're both very level-headed!

It was very important to me to at least be with someone who had a conviction and was actively involved in said conviction (religious or otherwise). I have issues with people who are non-religious purely because it's easier or they don't feel like it or think it's stupid without taking the time to develop what they do believe/feel/think/what their counter-argument is. I think the issue to consider here that would really get at the difference would be children (if you're planning to have them). For me, a big part of it was considering how I wanted to raise my children and what sort of belief system I would like my partner to have in that arrangement.

All that being said, my husband is nondenominational Christian and I am pretty Catholic. This results in drunken theological arguments sometimes and its fantastic.

Not personally- but my sister is a non-practicing catholic who married a Muslim man. He is fairly religious but it does not bother him that she isn't. She agreed to raise any children as Muslim before they got married since it was important to him and she wasn't religious.

As for the families reaction- We love them! My mom still goes to catholic church, but it doesn't bother her that they have different beliefs, they are still great people. His parents are also accepting of it since one was Muslim and the other Hindu- and she ended up converting for him. It can work out!

FH was raised Catholic and I was raised Jewish. Neither one of us is super religious. I always said I would be ok with marrying someone of a different religion as long as he was equally as unreligious as I was and shared the same basic core beliefs (the golden rule, etc). FH and I both do have parts of our religions that we like and plan to pass onto our future children, but neither of us goes to church or temple every week. His family is religious, but is fine with me being jewish. My family is not that religious and my brother actually married a catholic as well. For the wedding we are having a Priest and a Rabbi, both of which often do interfaith ceremonies.

Eta: more info

@Rebecca I can not speak for everyone but my religion is important to ME. It guides my life. However, I respect and try to be knowledgeable about a lot of religions. I do not think my religion is the end all be all. In fact, I believe most religions teach the same basic things but in different ways and with different explanations. I do not think I would have a hard time explaining to my children, if I have any, "Mommy believes this and Daddy believes that. You decide what you feel." I grew up around a lot mixed faith households so it doesn't seem so strange or difficult to me.

I was raised Catholic. I'm not really religious anymore for personal reasons, but would still identify as Catholic. My mom is not religious, my dad is VERY religious. DH was not raised in any faith and as a result he's agnostic, I guess. His family is not religious either.

I think it all comes down to mutual respect. The church refused to marry us and kind of hinted he should convert, and I stood by his decision not to. I respect that he doesn't wish to join any faith. And in the rare occasion he's seen me practice, he's been respectful and understanding.

Regarding the families, I think his mom has some feelings about me being Catholic but hasn't said anything to me. My parents respect his decision not to belong to any faith. But my mom did tell me that if my grandmas had lived to see me marry a non-Catholic, they would have been pretty upset. Guess it's a blessing in disguise that they didn't get to see me marry.

OP - just FYI 1 Corinthians 7:14 relates to the holy influence of the believing spouse on the household and children. The unequally yoked situation, spiritually, remains since the other spouse is not a believer. Ok - I'm done and out.

Here's the thing: I believe Catholicism is true. Not everyone does, I realize that. But if I married someone who didn't believe it's true but thought it was okay for me to teach it to my kids, wouldn't that mean he's ok with me telling the kids something that he believes to be false? How is that not a problem?

On the flip side, if I claim to be practicing Catholic but don't believe the religion is actually true, it's not logical for me to then claim that I'm Catholic if I don't believe in it. Catholicism is a religion, not a culture.

I'm agnostic, and my husband identifies as Christian (Protestant) but isn't overtly religious. We did have a Christian wedding ceremony because the pastor at the church H is a member of is a family friend and was very willing to work with us to create a ceremony we were both comfortable with. It's not really an issue for us--we might have different beliefs about what happens after death and the like, but not really on any day-to-day matters. I grew up going to church until I was old enough to explain why I no longer wanted to attend, and I have nothing against many of the social/moral teachings of Christianity, I just don't believe in the metaphysical elements.

My husband's family is Jewish and my family is several varieties of Protestant. Neither of us is religious though. We decided to have our wedding outside with a civil officiant and include the poems/readings we wanted. Both of our mothers have made comments a couple times--MIL wasn't happy that I'm not Jewish when we first started dating and my mom wanted us to have 2 weddings and include both religions. For the most part, DH identifies with his Jewish heritage the same way I identify with my Swedish heritage.

We celebrate Jewish holidays with his family and Easter and Christmas with mine. I think it will get harder when we have kids (for example, I want to find a non-religious alternative to a bris or a baptism) but we want to teach them the history/beliefs of both without endorsing one. We've talked about it and I think New Years' will be the holiday that we choose to host a family dinner and do presents on. My mom invites DH to the Christmas Eve service every year, but he's not comfortable going, which is fine. Christmas Eve is usually the only service I go to anyway. He has no problem going to wedding and funeral services with me, and I care about that much more.

I am Baptist, FH was raised Catholic, but neither of us actively attend church. This is sonething our officiant wants to explore in our counseling, hiw to return to the church. We are both Christians, so the foundation is the same. My grandfather was a minister & it is important to me that the religious aspect of the ceremony is there. I told FH I did not want a Catholic wedding. We couldn't have one anyway as he is divorced & his first marriage was not done in the Catholic church. We checked to see if he would need an annulment in case he ever chooses to return to the Catholic church. I'm fine with it if he does, I just don't want to convert.

@Rebecca: Not everyone sees their religion as a true/false dichotomy. In this sense I'm inspired by John Paul II, who upheld interfaith dialogue and acknowledged the value of other faiths. He said "Every authentic prayer is prompted by the Holy Spirit, who is mysteriously present in every human heart". He also opened the Council for the Jubilee of the third millennium to other faiths. I would have a hard time labeling any religion as "true" and scratching any other one off as false, but rather acknowledging that a certain one (or no religion, if it were the case) is the best for me.

If you were raised in a tradition of seeing a religion as necessarily "true" or "false", then I agree that it wouldn't make any sense to marry someone from a different religion (or no religion) because then you're marrying someone who believes in something "false". But I don't think this is the case of the OP - so I'm sure she'll be fine, like the rest of us who married someone of a different faith

ETA: Grammar

I'm Jewish and my husband is christian. we just agree to disagree on some point of religion, realized that everyone thinks they are right, but who's to say who is.

you should see our place over the holidays, looks like a department store holiday display. all the Hanukkah stuff over there, all the christmas stuff over here, our house has a lot of holiday stuff goings on no, I don't but Hanukkah stuff on the tree. it's a Christmas tree. but I do help him decorate it. he thinks he chooses all the places for the ornaments, but if I don't like where they are I just change it to how I like it when he's not home hee hee

I help that way and he gets to get all the melted wax off the Menorah.

technically the choice or tree ornaments is all his, but if he tries to buy something that I think is tacky and ugly, he does hear all about it, and it usually stays at the store.

I was born and raised a Jehovah's Witness although I have not been involved in the religion in years. My FH was raised Baptist. We are okay with this and raise our kid with a mixture of what we believe to be true from the Bible. Unfortunately my parents and closest family refuse to attend my wedding or even have dinner with us because he is not of the faith they still want me to be. Religion can be hard with families. But if he's worth it and the two of you are on the same page about how to blend your family, that's all that matters.

@VC: One of the basic beliefs, present in the Nicene Creed, is that the Church is one, holy, Catholic and apostolic and represents the fullness of truth in Jesus Christ. It's not a true/false dichotomy so much as there are certainly other religions who teach some of the same elements of Catholicism, but not all. But those same religions also teach things that conflict with Catholicism.

What John Paul II was excellent at acknowledging was that other religions may have overlapping beliefs, and similarities in those beliefs. So I love the quote you posted. While Catholicism may believe a, b, c and d and Religion whateverelse might believe just a and b, or vice versa, it's important to be intellectually honest with ourselves and realize what is similar between religions and what is different and how that affects our worldviews. I don't think it does anyone any good to pretend that every religion is the same.

What I meant more with the true/false thing was that if Mom is telling kids that it's right and important for them to go to Confession, but Dad thinks it's incorrect and harmful to go to a priest with your sins, why would Dad then be ok with Mom telling their children that? That's the sort of situation I would be concerned about happening.

I don't consider you as marrying someone of a different faith, if neither of you are practicing a religion. Like I said, Catholicism is a religion, not a culture. I'm genuinely curious why you would keep the label of a religion if you also say you're not religious?

Sorry for my long sentences... long day.